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Posted By: Reddawg Jun 17, 2003 - 05:00 pm

Here is the first part of the third chapter, which is the chapter I'm still working on. Feedback needed and welcome!
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Ch. 3 - The Runestone

When Enroha finally emerged from his father’s office, a whirlwind of emotions was clouding his thoughts. Could it really be happening? Enroha’s first day as Firethrall spent in briefings for what could turn out to be a turning point in the history of the land. Emissaries from across the seas? Unheard of in the land. Ancient text books, some of the Tabal’s own, spoke of such events in years long gone past. The last foreigners believed to have visited the land came nearly a millennia ago, during an age that was scarcely remembered now. If they had indeed returned, why? It was a mystery as to what their role was in the past, and their arrival was bound to cause widespread concern everywhere, even panic amongst some.

But even more concerning to Enroha was Elder Ubert’s prevision of danger. He spoke of three separate parties coming to the land; Enroha presumed that the ones lately arrived in Tiersan were but the first. As he left the Enthraller headquarters, Enroha ruminated on his mission and what he knew about the players involved.

The Republic of Tiersan was young, scarcely older than the Tabal. Yet they were quickly rising in importance in the land. The Republic was chartered some hundred fifty years ago, and was formed out of three independent city-states that lay west of the Blue Mountains, along the coast. Tiersa, Retsa, and Iresa formed the tri-state union that today compromised the young Republic, the only democracy in the land. For that reason the nation was a wedge, carving out a corner of the land whose western border was the Sunlight Sea and which faced the Blue Mountains to the east.

The Republic was quite friendly to the Tabal, and had helped in establishing it. A number of students came from the tri-states, as well as Elder Garomini himself. Enroha was not concerned that the senators would unduly interfere with the Tabal’s dealings. There were, however, some rogue elements who had particularly strong presence in Tiersa. The Merchant’s Union was seated in Tiersa, a loose confederation of caravan traders who trafficked as far away as the Jikab villages on the east coast. Of late there was news that Shadow Guilds had established firm footholds in the Republic, as well. That was most troubling to Enroha; the thieves, assassins, and mercenaries of the guilds would surely find their way into any underhanded dealings with the emissaries.

And what of the emissaries themselves? Enroha knew only what his father had learned from Baratul, which was very little. They struck land in three large boats of strange design, and carried some two hundred people on board. They were brown of skin and dark of hair, suggesting they came from a land southward and much sunnier than the places Enroha was accustomed to. They dressed in fine silks, rare in the land, in an apparent display of their wealth, which seemed considerable. The most astonishing fact was that Baratul said they spoke the common dialect of the land, although it was stilted. This dialect, used for relations between the various peoples of the land, was derived from a time when all the land was under one control. Interestingly the time coincided with when the textbooks said the last emissaries left; so they had indeed returned.

It was up to Baratul, Joqualla, and Enroha to ascertain the stance of the Rishab and to maintain relations with them on behalf of the Tabal until permanent envoys could be sent and relations normalized with all people of the land. Enroha was wondering how long that might be when Baratul came walking towards him.

“Enroha, a word with you?”

“Certainly Baratul, and I have already been briefed by my father about out mission, I --.” Enroha was saying when Baratul cut him off.

“Good. Now listen, Enroha. I did not tell your father the entire weight of my news; some things are only for the ears of those who must hear. I returned to the Tabal not only so that we may launch diplomacy, but to bring tidings of battle. There is a gnome army amassing in the Blue Mountains, much greater than that which Elder Garomini defeated here in the Tabal. I have spoken with the Council and received their thoughts on this issue. The army must be dealt with, and it will. We have not been able to glean from our spies where the gnomes intend to attack. But that is not your or my concern, lest our path cross theirs. While we are dealing with the Rishab, keep your eyes open in Tiersa. We have reason to believe that someone is raising these gnomes in force. Have you any idea what power could, or would, do such a thing?”

Enroha hesitated to answer Baratul; what he was asking seemed insane. “Surely, Baratul, it could not be a necromancer --”

“I wish it could be otherwise, but it must be so, Enroha. The High Elder himself believes that this is the work of a master necromancer. The Shadow Guilds have made known their presence in Tiersan, although this in itself is not too surprising. Anywhere where there are liberties, there is bound to be vice. It is an unfortunate truth that I have come to know... the problem is, Enroha, infiltrating the Guilds is impossible. Particularly the Black Guild, where we suspect the necromancer is involved.”

“But, Baratul, I don’t understand. There has been peace in the land for decades, so why now this sudden uprising of gnomes and necromancers?”

“I wish I knew, Enroha. I truly believe that will be made manifest, in due time. For now, we will proceed with our missions. But I am telling you this so that you will be prepared. Should danger arise, there will be no time for preparation. Keep your guard up. I could sense the auras of the Rishab; I suspect their intents to be no less than honest. But there is much more going on in the land than the return of foreigners.”

Posted By: Reddawg Jun 17, 2003 - 05:01 pm

Jehen was troubled. An uneasiness had settled into her stomach as soon as she had learned the reason for Baratul’s appearance. And now, she was to send young Joqualla off with the Tabal’s Runestone. It wasn’t that Jehen lacked confidence in Joqualla’s abilities; on the contrary, Jehen had so much faith in her apprentice’s potential that she hoped to one day pass her Councillorship on to her. But Joqualla was still unexperienced, even after five years as a Runethrall. The truth, Jehen felt, was that the land had been too quiet these past years. Few situations had arisen to test the mettle of the younger generation. She could remember when she was Joqualla’s age, a warrior in Jikab, where those fierce tribes were constantly at turmoil. Jehen knew what it was to be battle-hardened; it was her people’s way of life. Joqualla, Jehen was concerned, may not yet have obtained that rough edge to her. And Jehen believed Elder Ubert more than any of the others; hard times were surely upon them all.

A dark gaze penetrated across the land from a tower, deeply secluded in mist. To him, the land was a chess game and the people were pieces on the set. He fancied himself the king, and moved others as pawns. Soon, he felt, very soon the game would begin. Victory would go to him who maneuvered the best. He was assured of the outcome, he would not fall short of ultimate victory. All that remained to be revealed were the players on the opposing side...

There was a chill draft in the room, and Baratul had not left his window open. Stealthily, Baratul slid his saber out of the scabbard and crouched to strike. There was someone hiding in the corner, laying in wait. It had not yet noticed his presence. No, not a person... Baratul was sure of that now, it was far too small; a scuffling noise, and now a smell of must. So, they were back for more, were they? They had been following Baratul for the past two days, ever since he had crossed Green River. How had they kept up his pace? No matter. They would be his soon.

Baratul melded himself into the shadows, and began to slink across the floor as though he were made of liquid. He emerged from the shadows and reached out, all in one motion, and caught the intruder by the scruff of their neck. “So, I’ve caught you at last, haven’t I!”

It was dark outside, past twilight. A full moon tonight, an omen? Joqualla shrugged. She had a duty to perform, and she had resigned herself to working with Baratul. She was going now to tell him as much, that she was going to do her job and nothing in their past mattered. There were no hard feelings; at least, not any that she was willing to give thought to. She would make it clear to Baratul that her duties to the Tabal came first in her life.

But as she reached the barracks, the charm on her necklace flared a glaring blue. Joqualla quickly snatched and it and read the runes that blazed across the surface of the small cube of sapphire: gnome. Threat! At the same instant, a trill came screeching out of the barracks. “Baratul!” Joqualla yelled and rushed inside.

“No, Suh-Baratul, I no bring trouble! I’m here do good, I bring message!” the wiry gnome pleaded as it writhed in Baratul’s grasp.

“Since when do the gnomes do favors for humans? I’ll have your tongue you little worm, sneaking after me these past nights! How did you make it past the sentries? Speak!” Baratul commanded the creature as he throttled it. The gnome was small, young, a mountain gnome. No more than three feet tall, thin and wiry and covered in gray fur, it looked like a large rodent on two legs. “Ouch! You bit me you little bastard!”

“Baratul, what’s going on?!” It was Joqualla. She drew an arcane rune in the air with her stave, and the gnome was snatched out of Baratul’s shadow glove and pinned to the wall in a blue web.

“Joqualla? What are you doing here? The gnome has been tailing me for a few days, and somehow he managed to sneak past the Tower sentries.”

“But that’s impossible, unless... Baratul, this isn’t just a gnome, look!”

As the creature lay affixed to the wall in mid-air by Joqualla’s charm, a change began to come over it. It’s limbs contorted and stretched, it’s features warped and reformed, and it’s hair fell off in chunks. Slowly, the gray fur on the head turned blond, the skin grew tan, and the form filled out into that of a man.

“A changeling?” Baratul took one step back and raised his saber, while at the same time Joqualla stepped forward. “Joqualla, keep your distance! This creature is surely hostile, we must-”

“Hold, Darkthrall Baratul. Let the Runethrall do the speaking, she is clearly more level headed.” The changeling spoke, and it’s voice was changed. The speech and mannerisms of the gnome were replaced by that of a man.

“A changeling?” Baratul took one step back and raised his saber, while at the same time Joqualla stepped forward. “Joqualla, keep your distance! This creature is surely hostile, we must-”

“Hold, Darkthrall Baratul. Let the Runethrall do the speaking, she is clearly more level headed.” The changeling spoke, and it’s voice was changed. The speech and mannerisms of the gnome were replaced with those of a man. “My name is Gwannon, and I am a Royal Emissary of the Rishab.”

“Royal Emissary! A miscreant changeling as legitimate representative of the Rishab? A shift emissary who sneaks through the Tabal’s defenses, breaking taboo? This is indeed a bald lie to come from the lips of such a crafty creature.”

Joqualla gave Baratul a steely glare, then released Gwannon from his bonds by breaking her rune spell.

“Joqualla, no!” Baratul yelled as he rushed to grasp Gwannon by his neck.

“We must hear him out, Baratul! There is no cause for violence on our parts; he has done naught but seek to speak with us.”

Baratul reluctantly stood back from Gwannon, and demanded harshly: “So. The foreigners return to the land, anchor in Tiersa and within a few short days send out Royal Emissaries. Why would such an ambassador seek to shadow me, hundreds of leagues across the land, to come unwelcome into the Tabal, which is closed to all those who are not invited? If the Rishab knew of my presence in Tiersa upon their arrival, and knew who I am and who I represent, then why not simply approach me while still in the Tiersan republic? And if the Rishab truly knew so much of the land, how is it they did not know that it is an offense to seek to locate the Tabal in stealth? Answer me, changeling.”

But before Gwannon could make a reply, there was a solid knock on the door immediately followed by the entrance of three Enthrallers, led by Haron.

“The Council wishes to speak with you,” Haron stated simply in the still brought by his arrival.

“With who, Sir?” Joqualla asked.

“The three of you,” Haron answered, “as well as Enroha my son. Gather yourselves and head to the meeting chamber of the Enclave. We shall escort our,” Haron paused, bemused, “visitor, ourselves.”

Posted By: thegreentick Jun 18, 2003 - 07:46 am

As you said at the top, this is a chapter that is being worked on so I will not comment on anything as far as a few small glitches such as repeating paragraphs as I am sure you can iron them out without me needing to mention them.

I like the direction this story is going. One suggestion is that you give it a very unique twist very soon. The beginning held my attention because of some of your unique ideas but the story is beginning to sound like that of others I have read. I am confident that you have your own twists in the plot that will make it quite unique but you should probably bring them out soon or people might put down the book thinking they have read the same sort of thing on occasion before.

I don't really say that as criticism. You should just let people know before much more passes how this book is going to be different than anything else we have read.

PS: I will be posting the completed prologue to my book when I get home and do some editing on it. It will be called Summit Prologue

Posted By: Reddawg Jun 19, 2003 - 03:32 pm

In Chapter 1 it mentions there was a man by the name of Rathi. Someone told me "Rathi" is a name from Magic The Gathering. Is that true? If so that's a coincidence... but do you all think I should change it?

Posted By: thegreentick Jun 19, 2003 - 04:28 pm

No. I do not think so. You can't possibly write a book without being accused of stealing an idea.

I actually like taking ideas that other authors use and incorperating them into my own writing.

It is not a bad thing to build on another's idea.

And there is nothing wrong with using the same name twice.