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Scifi and Fantasy Forum: Writer's Showcase: Poetry:
Untitled, Rob Balder
Untitled, Rob Balder
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This was going to be a full ballad or song lyrics, but I think this one verse is a nice enough capsule that I may send it to Asimov's or something.
Rob Balder
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That waitress at Pete's who
Took so long to seat you
And left you to stand in the doorway,
With her stringy red hair
And her thousand-yard stare,
In her mind, she's the Princess of Norway.
As she takes down your order
She's crossing the fjord, her
White stallion spits foam like a madman.
Many Vikings have died
Trying to take her as bride,
But her heart is reserved for a bad man.
Posted By:  Bmat Jun 18, 2003 - 10:42 am |       | It is pleasing to read and delightfully descriptive. What a good verse! I enjoyed reading it, and re-reading it.
| Posted By: Piper Jun 19, 2003 - 11:26 pm | | Yep, it has that original factor that is hard to find among poems. I liked it. Kind of sticks on you. Re-reading it uncovers more details and descriptions I did not realise before. Well done.
Excellent metre! I wish more lyricists had a sense of metre this good!! Fantastic.  I love it, and would like to see more.
And I really like your username too.
Thanks, guys. I think I will send this off to Asimov's.
purr_verse, my username is the name of my webcomic: http://www.partiallyclips.com
Rob Balder
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Two words for weird
| Posted By: Bmat Jun 25, 2003 - 06:50 am | | PartiallyClips- please be sure to let us know what you hear from Asimov's?
Your comic strip is excellent! I spent ages on your site trying not to be too obviously amused (failing woefully) because I was technically "working". 'Canoe in Storm' is particularly great.
Are you a reader of Max Cannon's 'Red Meat' strip? There are some qualities in your work that remind me of his.
Anyway, I'll be telling a few friends to check your site out. Most impressive.
(And - from a true pedant - not a single spelling error.)
Ah, thank you very much for the praise, purr_verse. It makes my day to get nice feedback like that.
Yes, there's a reason that the first entry in my FAQ is, "Hey aren't you ripping off Red Meat?" I answer that question pretty thoroughly there, but in short: I love 'Red Meat,' and it's definitely one of my influences. But I do think my strip is different enough that it stands pretty well on its own.
Yeah, I was proud of "Canoe in Storm." I caught a link from a popular Christian theology blog for the fiberglass taco strip, and I posted a link to "Canoe in Storm" to see what they'd say. Didn't get much of a rise out of em, though. It's fascinating to see who links to my site.
As for spelling errors, I've had them on two occasions, but both times people emailed me to correct them. I like to think that my English degree didn't go to waste, but nobody's perfect. I imagine you must've liked Dentist ( "Is it 'laying?' or 'lying?'" ) and Saloon ( "I once shot a man to correct his grammar." ) too.
Next week I will be bringing a second comic strip to the site, so watch for that. Glad you like my stuff.
Rob Balder
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Two words for weird
I loved it and thought it was beautiful. The descriptions were really great. The only thing I would say is I don't like capitalizing every line. If you wrote it out, it would look like this:
That waitress at Pete's who Took so long to seat you And left you to stand in the doorway...
I think I made my point.
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