|
|
|
|
|
| HOME | ART | FORUM | ARCADE | LIBRARY | NETWORK | ||
 |
||
| |
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
Scifi and Fantasy Forum: Writer's Showcase: SF/F Short Stories:
Shattered Earth - A tale of the future (Chapter II)
Shattered Earth - A tale of the future (Chapter II)We have moved to new forum software and posting here is closed!
I think it is time to move on, I have another whole chapter to get critiqued, I enjoyed your comments with chapter one last time, so keep em coming! Because the chapter is so large, I will post it in two parts. The first part of chapter two deals with the introduction of another major character and a great fight scene. Chapter 2- The land of the burning sun. It was morning, the sun echoed its warmth over all that lay unprotected over the land. In the deserts the sun baked cracked ground, like an oven scorching an already burnt brown piece of meat. This desert was dotted with oasis and mountains. Nearby one of the largest oasis there lies the city Perith. The city stands as a testament of human innovation. The large walls are not to repel invaders as much as to protect from the frequent sandstorms. In the center of the city stands a temple. Today is a special day. Where the trainees from the temple where to take their last test. This would qualify them to be a Perithian Knight. Protectors of all the desert kingdoms. These Knights, are only 16, when they are tested. But that is not what makes today a special day. Today the Empress herself tests them. She came to this little town in her quest. Her quest was for ‘The One’ challenging them all in battle. This would be their final test. Much unlike the traditional fighting against the formidable master of the temple. It had not been done for a century. Each contestant was fully expecting himself to pass this test. Even if it was against the Empress herself. The arena was filled with jeering crowds, as the challenger rode upon the battlefield atop her white stallion, the stands fell silent. The rider of this horse gracefully stepped off her steed and handed the reins to an attendant. The rider was wearing full battle armor. No one could see her face behind the steel battle helmet but they all knew who she was. She removed her sword, and it slid out of it’s scabbard and into her clenched hands, then it rose up, not by the woman’s own hands but as if a magical hand was slowly pulling it free. It rose into the air, and flew up high over the arena. Then it plunged back down to the ground. That sword drove itself into the ground almost up to its hilt. Right in the center of the arena. At that act the crowd burst into a torrent of cheering and clapping. Then the woman removed her helmet. The face behind it was a sun-darkened brown, and had a slight scar to the one side of the nose. The long dark brown hair was cropped short, for utilitarian purposes. She opened the palm of her hand and let the helmet drop. It stopped in mid fall, and slowly drifted upward in the same way the sword had and over to the earthbound sword where it set itself neatly over the hilt. This brought even more applause from the stands. Inside the waiting room where the contestants where nervously waiting for the summoning to battle. The temple youths fearfully glanced out at the feats of their ruler with apprehension. “Why did she have to do it this year?” One of them wined. Not a soul had beaten the Empress before. All of them where scared. Last time a member of the royal family had fought trainees in this arena three had died. The empress of the realm was a powerful magic user, but often never used those abilities in the arena. It was always the martial arts that where used. Hand to hand combat. This Empress was on a quest too. She was looking for ‘The One’ as the prophets had predicted that would save the land from invaders from the skies. The young silly woman thought ‘The One’ would be the best fighter she could find in all the land. She was taking steps to actually find this person rather than to listen the old feeble babbling of the prophets to show her the person who would lead their kingdom to victory. So far she had been in combat over a dozen times in seven cities. She had come here to this temple only as a stopover on her way to the capital city of Kemar. The judges would still be there, watching their performance, as this was their last test of their abilities. But the only difference is that they are going to be against a veteran fighter, who has proved herself in battle before. Not an old man, who is only interested in getting back to the quiet solitude of his temple. The royal family of Kamaire where all descended from a line of powerful fighters, all strong in the crystal. Even the youngest member of that family would be considered a threat. None of them where expected to win. Just to do well. The horn finally blared and the tallest of the fighters, Hasir got up and was led away by an attendant. On the benches a boy Drewkirwn waited, his hands almost shaking with nervousness. He heard the ooohhs and ahhhhs of the crowd as the fight began. But he didn’t join his fellow trainees at the open door that overlooked the battle. He knew he would do his best. But against such a battle hardened veteran, he did not know. Above anything else, he had to remember not to lose his control over the crystal energy that bubbled inside him like a boiling cauldron. To be of the crystal in this country was rare. To be so strong in it, and of the redcrystal, it was very rare indeed. Drewkirwn was both. If he would lose control, he might hurt somebody like last time. Drewkirwn tried not to think of that incident. He tried to push the memory back down but it came back to him in a flood of emotion. The earth spouting fire, his home burning. The sky black with smoke. The villagers who had known him all his life chasing him out in an angry mob, the searing pain as people he knew threw stones at him. But that had been a long time ago. The past he couldn’t change. Perhaps as a Knight he could change a few things. Maybe he could show his family he wasn’t a monster. That he could help people. The horn sounded again and a boy named Jakne got up and nodded his head and took a big breath and walked out into a roaring crowd. Drewkirwn still sat where in thought. “Nervous?” One of the others implied. Drewkirwn nodded meekly. The boy who had spoke was Seiver. “Me too, well I guess this is it. our final test, and when I pass and become a knight I’ll get to say that I fought our Empress, I think the girls will like boasts like that don’t you think? Though, I guess they won’t believe me.” This prompted a small-shared chuckle from the rest of the temple initiates seated on the benches. Just then a page burst into the room and exclaimed “Hasir passed!, he landed only one solid body blow though.” Then he ran back down into the corridor to wait at the judge’s stand again to find out how Jakne was doing. But he came back quickly. He explained that Jakne had done rather well until a center cut had knocked him senseless. The page exclaimed that the judges had still passed him though. The horn once again sounded and Seiver blinked his eyes and gulped. Then the attendant poked his head inside and motioned to him. He slowly walked out into the arena. Now there where only six boys left. It was the roar of the crowd that jolted Drewkirwn back to reality. Then the crowd suddenly went silent for a second and then roared again with new intensity. The battle continued for a while longer and there was more cheering and the page ran in. “It was amazing! Eldora broke Seiver’s arm in the beginning, but he still managed to get up and score two body blows!” The judges passed him I think.” There was laughing as Refnar said, “I think the girls will believe him!” Even Drewkirwn smile a bit as he slowly folded his legs into the meditative posture. He slowly calmed himself. Yes, the crowd is a million miles away. All I feel is calm, I’m standing on one of the tall peaks of the Middle Mountains. Wind is stirring my hair. All I know is the peaceful breeze. He tried to tell himself. It was working. He stood there staring out over the wild ranges of the coast. In the distance he could see the endless ocean. The waves pounding the sandy shores. This moment will last forever…. Then his calm scene was interrupted. His eyes shot open. And attendant was shaking him. “Come to your senses! The horn just sounded didn’t you hear?” Drewkirwn looked around and saw the other boys had gone. It was just him left. “Sorry I didn’t notice.” Drewkirwn said. He felt better. That was all that mattered. The match was nothing. Just another test. Drewkirwn stood up and slowly walked out through the door. At his appearance, the once babbling crowds roared deafeningly. The noise made his ears ring. There the Empress stood. She no longer was wearing her battle armor. Dressed only in her royal robes, that where a little dusty from the previous fights, she stood there already in fighting stance. Her arms in the coiled dragonbird position. Calmly Drewkirwn approached her and gave a slight bow. The woman looked upon him with distaste. “Not terrified are you? Well you will be, I look forward to a challenge, so far I have not seen any from the others.” She jeered. Then the Empress struck. It was a whirl of motion as she swiveled and leapt in a high kick, trying to catch him off guard. The boy just bent back a bit, and as the woman landed, her foot shot out low trying to knock him on his legs to throw him to the ground. Drewkirwn simply turned and let the blow fly past him. The woman then resumed her dragonbird posture. “A little smarter than that Rafnir kid er?, I still intend to make mince meat out of you!” Then Drewkirwn struck, his foot coming up in a flash of motion, aimed straight at the woman’s jaw. Pain flared to life as he misjudged and did no turn it fully and she blocked it easily. Then in another blurry motion her fists flew forward and, in that spit second everything seemed to slow down for Drewkirwn and his protection arm moved aside and he turned again and took the blow across his midsection. He had already tightened those muscles but it was still a little painful. But she had moved in to far and his protection arm now came up and caught her squarely in the face. The slow motion stopped and she now backed off. Her lip was cut a bit… blood tricked down her jaw. Her eyes showed pure fury. Without even taking time for another friendly insult, she moved like lightning, and was raining blow after blow at him, he dodged left, right, then a glancing kick caught him square across the groin. He doubled up and rolled away from her and sat up again, the pain almost unbearable. He hurt all over. But he stood up again. “You think you can get away with that?” The woman roared. The calm silence the youth regarded her with farther infuriated her. But Drewkirwn noticed that the woman was forcing herself to calm down, deciding not to let the anger control her actions. Gracefully she wiped the blood from her jaw and relaxed into the dragonbird position again. Then her outstretched defending hand turned flat and curled up motioning him on. He stood there. He didn’t move. What is she playing at? The boy thought. When this gesture failed to get him to come she tried a different tactic. “What are you waiting for boy? You think you are a knight? You think that hit will pass you? Well you know nothing. I can have a little chat with those judges over there. They can’t go against their ruler.” He glanced over at the judging booth where the page gave him the thumbs up sign. “You can’t do that! I’ve worked too hard for this!” Drewkirwn blurted out, his calm evaporating. “Well if you don’t come and take your test, I might just kill you, and you wouldn’t want that would you?” Drewkirwn just narrowed his eyes. It is all just battle jest. That’s all. She is trying to get me angry so I make a mistake. Then I will get knocked out like Jakene. A knock out is two points off. All he needed was three points. One point per blow. One per block. So far he had scored one blow. Her blow to the midsection was just a glance and he had blocked two in those last set. But that last hit she had scored had taken a point off. All he needed was one more point, then he could resign from the fight. He would have to strike out though. He took the same posture as the empress, the dragonbird. And then got a stroke of brilliance. He turned his hand flat as if to make to challenge gesture then as quick as a sparrow, while his opponent’s eyes where on his hand, he turned in and did a back hand so fast the crowd saw him only as a blur of motion. This connected with nothing but air. For the empress had ducked, almost to fast to register. But she didn’t dodge his leg. Drewkirwn pulled his leg up and over neatly throwing the Empress off her stance. She fell over then rolled away and hopped up quickly again. Then struck out with the side of her arm and took nothing but air. Drewkirwn was behind her and as she turned to block it was too late. She took a blow from behind from his other foot. Staggering over she looked like she was about to resume the dragonbird positron but suddenly she was in the air, and the blow connected with the boy’s chest, throwing him down and pinning him neatly to the ground. She was just about to put her weight on him when he seized her foot and tried to twist it. She took her foot off and up so it wouldn’t’ be twisted and eyed him with a cold look. She then roared with fury when her opponent gave her a backhand blown to the side as he jumped up. “That’s it, you will never be a knight! You little rat!” She roared That was the last straw that broke Drewkirwn’s control. He screamed in fury and unexpectedly the women was now flying backward as if being pushed by an unseen hand. The empress flew backwards to the far side of the arena almost colliding with the wall. Then she stopped then turned and let the invisible energy flow past her where it exploded into the wall in a rain of rocks and dust. Spectators seated nearby ran from their seats in fright. Without hesitating she put her hands together and from middle of the arena Drewkirwn could see what she was doing. “Keblaz!” He said and jumped out of the way as a red ball of energy flew past him and off into the sky. He got up and looked up and saw she was already gathering another one. This was it. She was trying to kill him. In his mind he pictured a wall of energy surrounding him, and his picture slowly became reality as the barrier formed. It wasn’t enough though, the next bolt slammed into his barrier and caused him to sail through the air. Pain flared up on the back of his head and his side as he hit the ground hard. His barrier was gone, and his head throbbed. Wasn’t it over? She had won… why was she doing this? It was all blurry as he watched as she started walking over in his direction. I deserve to die… I lost control I could have killed someone in the stands… I am a monster. The jeering of the crowd was filling his hearing, adding to his disorientation and dread he was feeling. Then a hand lowered down to him. The empress was standing over him. Holding out her had to him. “Get up boy, I’m not finished with you yet.” She said softly, not in an angry voice. Just softly. He gratefully grasped her hand and she pulled him onto his feet. “What’s your name boy?” She hissed. “Umm… Drewkirwn madam!” “Well, lets go… now bow to the crowd.” Just like that it was all over. A boy by the name of Drewkirwn was bowing to the crowd with the Empress in hand. That boy also had a very confused look on his face. After he bowed the roar of the crowd elevated to a whole new level. I was one sea of cheering, it made his ears ring and caused a slight smile to start to creep over his face. It was over! he realized this and his smile broadened. The Empress smiled at and him raised his hand up as the crowd continued to roar. When that had been finished, she led him silently off the arena grounds out to where an attendant was holding her horse for her. When out of earshot of the crowd, the Empress whirled around and scolded Drewkirwn like a little child, despite the friendliness she had shown just a few minutes earlier. “You do realize that I was only jesting about not letting you be a knight! People could have been hurt! If you are so strong in the crystal you could have warned me…!” Then she stopped as her other powers sensed something… hurt… shame… hopelessness. Then the Empress realized something. “You didn’t want anyone to know… that you are of the crystal… you where hiding it from everyone.” She mused under her breath. She brooded on the shameful silence of the boy. “Well speak up! You have anything to say for yourself?” There was a long and edgy pause and the distraught boy answered. “I thought…. Your highness that if I became a Knight, I could reveal myself then… that people wouldn’t shun me anymore…but I didn’t know…I thought I could control it.” He said shamefully. “You can’t control the crystal! It Is part of you! To cage the crystal is like playing with fire! It is like cutting off your hand!” The Empress bellowed. “Silly boy… where did you get the notion that the crystal power that flows within you can be caged behind calmness?” “The notion was mine…” They both turned around and faced the speaker. It was an old man, who despite his apparent ancientness still carried himself like a soldier. His face was old and wrinkled, with many scars across it. As he spoke the tone he commanded, gave him the aura of a wise man. And indeed he was, for he was the Master of the temple. “Drewkirwn’s power didn’t go unnoticed by me. So I taught him to meditate. How to put a barrier over his power.” The man’s old wise voice carried with it a touch of concern. “From what I’ve just heard… It seems that we have a dilemma.” The old man continued. “Master Kechar!” Drewkirwn exclaimed. The old man smiled and turned to the Empress. “Eleven years ago… when this boy first came to this order, I noticed something strange about him. He was far more determined than the rest at his studies. That is odd in itself, as the majority of the students that come to learn are sent from well standing noble families these days. The other was that when he would get angry a disaster would happen.” The man continued. “A long time ago when there where many with the power of the crystal, there rose one person who had both the powers of the blue crystal and the red. That man founded this country. And that country grew into an empire. This boy posses the power of two crystals within him as well. The red crystal as well as the rare black crystal. Yes, Empress the crystal of power also resides within him as well.” This caused a look of disbelief to cross her face. “But… how?” She cried. “I do not know….” The old man scuffed at the ground impatiently. Drewkirwn stood there… he was feeling a little left out of the conversation. “Um… Master, but what does that mean?” “It means that you need proper study to master your talents young knight. That is something I cannot give you.” Master Kechar spoke in his slow voice. The words ‘young knight’ echoed through his head. But who would want to teach me? Drewkirwn thought. Then they both turned to Drewkirwn. “Ohhh… nooooo!” The Empress spoke as she realized whom Master Kechar was talking about. “No… I won’t, I can’t I have more important things to do than drag along a 16 year old child.” “Eldora please teach him, would you please do it Eldora.” The old man pleaded. “I don’t know even if I can. You said how he has the powers of two crystals in him. How should I even begin? Who knows what effects the two powers cause together.” “So you will teach him Eldora?” The man asked. “I didn’t say that!” The woman snapped. “You are being foolish woman! That boy is a danger to everyone around him until he is taught how to use his talents properly!” Master Kechar fumed. There was a long pause then the Empress sighed and closed her eyes for a while. Thinking. “Alright Damar, I will do it, but only because you asked me, and the crystal knows that I owe you a thousand favors.” This caused a look of pure glee to usher across the boy’s face. Smiling broadly he looked at both of them. “Don’t be so happy boy! You might hurt your face if your smile gets any bigger!” The Empress snapped irritably. With that said the woman took the reins from the attendant and led her horse away mumbling darkly to herself. Master Kechar and Drewkirwn stood there for a minute saying nothing. The Empress’s voice boomed back at them. “Go to your room and pack boy, I’ll send somebody for you tomorrow!” Drewkirwn couldn’t contain himself, he leapt up and cried out in a happy voice. “Finally! I can learn to control it!” He yelled. Then Drewkirwn looked over at his mentor in gratitude. The old man held up his hand. “You don’t need to thank me young knight, just fulfill my expectations of you.” “You must fulfill your destiny Drewkirwn, people like me just help you along, remember that young knight always the power to change your destiny is in you not in other people.” “I don’t know how to ever thank you,” The grateful boy said. With that spoken the boy ran off in the direction of the temple. That night, Drewkirwn sat brooding over what would take place the next day, he felt so happy. He sat there on his cot in the small stone room he had had since he had come to the temple eleven years ago. He would miss this place for sure. As a child he had played in its halls and then he had drilled it it’s training dojos as he had gotten older. Now he was leaving it. Forever perhaps. “You going to sit there and mope or are we going to celebrate!” The voice came from beside his bed. There stood Seiver with one arm in a sling, and the other holding a glass of fizzing liquid. “Fizzy water! What flavor?” Drewkirwn said. “Mango!” Seiver said. “Thanks!” “I was able to swipe a whole tankard from the kitchens! See?” The boy exclaimed holding up a large brown tankard. “You still do that?” Drewkirwn asked incredulously. “Nope… I only did that for a special occasion! I heard someone is leaving with the Empress tomorrow! I think that calls for long overdo celebration!” He exclaimed loudly. They sat there for a few hours talking about what had happened during the battle and then the last eleven years. “Remember that time when we where running in the south wing and you ran into that serving lady, and she spilled a tray of wine all over the place?” “Yeah! Master Vaknir came running out of his room with his sword in hand and slipped on the wine trying to catch us!” They both burst out laughing. “Or about that time we where in study and a fly flew in the room and Refnar snatched it out of the air?” “Yeah I remember that, we all thought he was joking like always and he really hadn’t caught the fly, he was sitting there shaking it and Master Gizza came over and scolded him for playing around again! Then Rafnir released it and it flew right into her face!” “You know I never did hear a woman scream louder since!” Seiver bellowed between mirthful giggles. “You’ve heard them scream louder! Remember two years ago you tried sneaking into the baths when it was the ladies hour for bathing?” Drewkirwn said. This caused Rafnir to blush as he started laughing. “Yeah that was the first time I broke my arm!” He winced. This just caused them to laugh louder. “I’m going to miss this place,” Seiver said. “Me too, did you get your orders yet?” Drewkirwn asked. “Yep, I leave for the training camp next week.” Seiver said glumly. The night fell outside and the crystal-powered glow lamps flickered on in the corridor. “Well I have to get to packing… I’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Yep, I’ll be going now, got to share the rest of this with everyone else!” He held up the tankard of fizzy water. “Good journey friend!” Seiver said as he left the room. Drewkirwn sat there again and felt so happy he could fly. And as if his wish was granted he floated slowly off his cot into the air! “Wow!” he said. He had never flown before. This was a new aspect to his powers. Laughing he pushed off his bed hard and flew to the other side of his room. He did a weightless midair flip and his head collided with a ceiling beam. Everything went dark and the boy fell senseless from the air onto the wooden floor with a thud. That night as Drewkirwn lay there unconscious he had a dream, the first dream he had had in a month. He dreamed that he was standing on a seashore, the night sky shown out its bright starry light. Standing on the beach was a woman. She was standing there gazing out over at the horizon at something. She turned around to face him. She had long red hair and orange eyes. She looked at him in surprise. Who are you? She asked frowning. “Drewkirwn….” He said as he gasped while looking at the crystal city in the distance. “Well Drewkirwn, I was soul searching for someone to help me, If I found you, that means you are it.” The woman said. “Help you with what?” Drewkirwn looked at the woman as if she was joking. “Saving the world” She said as she sized the kid up. “You mean the prophecy?” Drewkirwn asked. “Prophecy?” She inquired. “It speaks of invaders coming in flying metal machines and destroying all we know.” Drewkirwn said. “Yes, that’s right. How did you know?” the woman frowned at him. “Everyone knows about it.” He said. “Well all I know is that I see the end of the world, metal demons invading and now I see three people standing alone against them. You are one of them. She said this as she continued to gaze out over the horizon. “I’ll talk to you later in time, now you must go, but always remember me. Got that? My name is Cless” He then felt himself being shook and woke up. It was morning, the sun was streaming through the window in his room and a he opened his eyes and saw a girl standing over him. “Cless….” He muttered as he still was wakening up. Then he blinked and winced against the bright sunlight. “Get up!” she yelled to him as she continued to prod him with her foot. “Hey stop that…I’m awake!” He sat up on the wooden floor and rubbed his head where he had hit the ceiling beam. Then he looked over at the girl who had awoken him and remembered that he hadn’t packed anything last night. “Oh no…” He said. The girl just stood there over him with her arms crossed and looking impatient. She was about his age, and had long golden hair, and an impatient gaze. “Go away I need to pack!” He said. This just produced a look of fury on her face. “What do you mean you need to pack!” She screamed. “I came to bring you to the airship, on the Empress’s orders! You where supposed to already be ready and look at you, you are filthy! Didn’t your mother ever teach you to bathe?” She continued on in a rage. Drewkirwn looked down at the same cloths he had been wearing since the fight yesterday. They where all dusty and torn from the battle. He blushed. She stood there thinking for a second, her fine-boned face in a frown, gritting her teeth, then spoke “Alright, I’ll help you pack, but you must change those cloths!” The girl said exasperated. Drewkirwn walked over to his chest kneeled down and undid the latches and withdrew three drawstring bags. “Here, you can start if you wish, I’ll be changing.” He said and took out a clean temple robe, sash and sandals. He left the girl in his room and walked over to the washroom two doors down. While he dressed and rubbed off the dust with a wet towel he thought of the dream he had. Dreams where rare. Always rare, and most of the time they where gibberish anyway. This one had been different though. It definitely needed looking into. He heard a sound behind him as he finished and the echoing laughter of a troop of new initiates filed into the washroom. Quickly Drewkirwn ducked behind one of the dividers. “Did you see that last battle? It was amazing!” One of them squeaked excitedly. “Yep, I never saw magic used before! That was something to see it was!” Another said “And the judges still passed him! I think he cheated!” The squeaky one complained. “Passed him? I was up there with the judges when they made their decision, they said it was the best fight they had seen in years!” As they walked over to the washbasins Drewkirwn attempted to silently slipped out of the room. But he was caught by one of them who turned around to grab a clean towel off the racks. “There he is!” The squeaky one called out grimacing Drewkirwn turned around to face his unwanted admirers. Then he recognized one of them as the page that had been running the judging results to the contestants yesterday. They must have graduated him to an initiate after the fight, like all the others. That one was the one who spoke first. “I loved how you blocked the stun bolt the Empress threw at you, it was brilliant!” He said all at once. Then the squeaky complainer one pushed him away. “Why do you get to leave with the Empress? We all know you really not a Knight, no real knight would use magic to fight his battles for him!” he said with venom. At this the other one pushed back in front and glared at the speaker. “He is a real knight! I saw him fight well without his magic!” He smiled at Drewkirwn. Then saw the look on his face, and walked over to him and whispered. “Don’t pay any attention to Teser over there, he lost a bet to me that you would win by blocking alone.” Teser craned his neck trying to listen in on the whisper and frowned. Then he joined the other boys who where washing up at the basin. The kid led Drewkirwn to the doorway and wished him good luck as Drewkirwn prepared to leave. “Good Journey!” He called out as he left. Drewkirwn walked through the halls he had known all his life, these temple walls were all he knew. But he also knew he could not stay here. It would just change too much. All his friends would go off to their posts as knights and would never see this place again. Just like he was. He walked silently back into his room. The girl had finished packing his cloths, and was trying to figure out how to pack the other objects in his room. A long battered-looking sword hung from a peg on the wall along with a sheepskin water jug and a traveling pack. On a shelf above his chest sat a number of wooden figures. They where carved artfully and showed different fighting stances and moves. “Don’t worry about those.” Drewkirwn said as he watched her pick up one and inspect it closely. “I’m leaving them here.” He took them from her and re-arranged them in some sort of order on the shelf. “Your weapon and travel gear?” She inquired. As if in answer he stowed the water jug and the sword in the travel pack. Then he inspected the chest and everything else in the room for anything else. “Shall we?” he motioned to the door. The girl watched as Drewkirwn picked up the three drawstring bags and sling them over his shoulder. “Who are you anyway?” He said as the girl followed him down the corridor. “I’m Tania, handmaiden to the Empress.” She said proudly. “Good to meet you Tania, you can call me Drewkirwn.” “Drewkirwn… Isn’t that Runic?” “Yep…. it means ‘Ember of Fire’ or something like that. Master Kechar told me the meaning a long time ago.” Drewkirwn explained. As Drewkirwn led them on, they entered the Grand Hall. The huge stone hall was empty now, with the students of the temple elsewhere. It was usually full at lunch and dinner, with hundreds of people sitting at the large oak tables. The large stone statues scattered around the hall depicted different masters and famous knights that had lived in the temple. One in the center of the room showed a young, handsome knight atop his rearing steed, with his sword pointed ahead. His cloak billowed out behind him, and his mouth was opened in a war cry. Tania stopped and inspected the statue as they passed it. “Who is that?” She inquired. “That is Pertheis, founder of the temple.” He said, as he looked him over. “That statue is of him during the battle of Twisted Mountain, where he was slain by an arrow.” “He looks so young. Know how old he was when he died?” She said absently, while gazing at the statue again. “He was 18 I think….” Drewkirwn replied. “Do all of you knights die so young?” She pertly said. “Actually not a lot do anymore. There hasn’t been much trouble with raiders lately and no war for over a century. Now when a knight dies, it’s usually in a tourney.” Tania looked at the statue then at Drewkirwn, apparently comparing the two. But before she could say anything there came a holler from across the hall. “You there! Your not supposed to be in the great hall unless you have a pass!” The protest came from an old man carrying a mop in one hand and a bucket of dirty washwater in the other. The man limped feebly over to them then was about to reprimand them some more when his eyes widened. “Drewkirwn? Is that you? Oh my apologies my vision isn’t what it used ta be. I heard about your wee little bout with the Empress. Good show man!” He wheezed. “Tania, this is Keserjay, our temple caretaker. He is an old friend of mine.” “Ahaaa… I guess you could say that sonny I’ve known you since you showed up at this place, and to think now you are leaving already, well it almost feels like yesterday when you where five and playing around these halls like ya owned em.” At this remark Tania looked a little confused. “Five? But I thought that pages come here to learn at the age of ten.” “Aha… little lass, ‘tis boyo been here most his life he has.” Keserjay wheezed in reply. “Uh… huh…. And why?” She asked hastily. “Yer got ta speak up lassie…. I don’t hear much well anymore.” “Keserjay, did you see Seiver anywhere today?” Drewkirwn asked quickly trying to change the subject. “Nah…. Don’t recall seeing hem you want me to tell him something do yer?” “Not really, we talked a while last night.” Drewkirwn spoke a little offhandedly. “Aha, well I guess you should be off sunny, ya don’t want ta keep her highness waiting, ya don’t.” Keserjay wheezed. “Well good Journey to ya friend!” Keserjay said as he shook Drewkirwn’s hand. They walked silently out of the hall, and into the bright sunlight of the afternoon. You couldn’t ask for a better morning. The sun was shining brightly and shown down warmly on their backs. The evergrass that was a thick sod under their feet and glinted back a fond color of dull green. But Drewkirwn wasn’t looking at the clear, crisp blue sky to admire the nice day, his eyes where searching it for the airship. He had never flown before, except if you count that time last night when he had knocked himself out. And he had heard that it was wonderful. Air travel was commonplace in his land. There where airship freighters, passenger ships, and then there was the huge thing that now loomed in the sky in the distance. The boy had seen airships before, but never one this massive. The thing literally looked like a ship. Like pictures of sailing vessels he had seen in books at the temple. Except this one floated 100 feet from the ground. If it would ever touch water, it would probably sink, owning to the fact that its great wooden hull was dotted not with portholes, but ornately carved windows and a large door. It had massive sails, although they where stowed away somewhere. Everyone who had seen the vessel in flight before knew these where just for show though. This was because on the sides of the ship, there where large, wing like struts that supported massive propellers. The white sides glistened in the sunlight and even from here, he could see workers, like little ants swarming around on ropes inspecting one of the mammoth propellers. The thing looked like a small floating city from here. The main deck, he could tell even from this distance sported large wooden towers and buildings. In his captivated gazed he didn’t realized he had stopped walking and was brought back to reality by a sharp jab in the back from Tania, who was becoming even more inpatient with him. “Oh go on will you, its only an airship, you’ll have plenty of time to gawk over it when your aboard.” And that said she gave a small smile. The first one he had noticed her have. With a small leap of his stomach, that he did not know whether to attribute to the sight of the airship or the fact that he would soon be aboard it he continued in an even more brisk pace. As they walked toward it, Drewkirwn realized how massive the airship actually was. It was docked over the regular airship mooring, but at those moorings, which where dotted with a few groundships, hovering just inches over the ground below, it seemed to reign supreme. It first looked like it would be bigger than a single city block as they neared it, then it seemed to swell to an unimaginable sized of nearly half the size of the south wing of the temple. Awestruck, he automatically continued on and resumed his awestruck glances above. Then for a fleeing minute Drewkirwn thought of something. How where they going to get in? He saw no ladder or ropes other than the mooring ones, and surly you couldn’t climb those. He was just about to ask the question when he spotted a bunch of small floaters hovering inches above the ground. They where tied off under the great ship, and were all empty. The floater was arrowhead-shaped, completely wooden and had a long pole near the aft end. Atop this pole was a white crystal gleaming in the morning light. Motioning him to climb into one, Tania threw Drewkirwn’s baggage into the passenger section and climbed into the pilot’s chair. Drewkirwn just stood there, and Tania, who looked a little pressed for time glared at him. “Would you untie us? Yes, that mooring rope over there.” She asked haughtily as Drewkirwn undid the mooring and then climbed in. He watched as Tania buckled herself in and, following suite, did so as well, copying the way she pulled the straps over her shoulders then clipped them into the metal clips on either side. Then she fastened a waist clip around her and buckled that one side too. She looked over her shoulder when done and saw he was already buckled in. Scanning his job of it carefully she muttered her approval and focused her attention to the controls in front of her. There was a bank of metal levers and knobs. She pushed one in and the floater roared to life. The crystal-powered engine hummed softly. She pushed down another one and they started to drift slowly forward. When this was done she shifted her hands from the bank of knobs to the levers. There where three in a row. Like a triple bunch of straight tally marks they where small and had long tracks like slots etched in the board. The center one was painted red and had a handgrip on it. The two other ones next each other where nothing more than stubs and were both painted blue. As Drewkirwn watched intently she put both hands on the levers at the same time and pushed them slowly up, and as she did so he was pushed into his seat slightly as he realized they where moving! Tania pulled slowly back on the middle bar with both hands and they angled upwards toward the airship. Letting out a surprised gasp he watched as the world tilted slightly as they ascended, butterflies buzzed in his stomach. Right then at that moment Drewkirwn was glad he had not eaten breakfast.
I know this might be a bit long, but I felt that I needed to post it with the whole part about Drewkirwn, or it wouldn't make sense. Before I post the second half I was wondering about your opions on this part, did the chapter capture your intrest early on? or Couldn't stop reading?
Hi, don't worry about the length. I like long stories, and I loved this one.
My book is more sci-fi related than fantasy actually, you will be surprised at the change when I post the second half of the chapter. As for the description, I felt I could have described the surroundings better, but I decided to move along with the book, and keep it’s momentum going. What I’m thinking about doing though, is incorporating the descriptions into the movement and action of the book itself. You ever read Orson Scott Card? He does it well. I like books that can achieve both a balance of action and description, even if the description is lengthy, like Tamora Pierce does admirably.
Hello, just wanted to bump this post up a bit. I've decided to keep posting on this book if I can get any new critiques. Trying to work ou the kinks in this part. Most of them are grammatical errors. opinions are still nice.
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||||||
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||
Speculative Vision Science Fiction and Fantasy © 1996 - 2001 Brad Richardson. All rights reserved. privacy policy |
Battlepaw
Discussion
