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Posted By: Warhelm Apr 27, 2004 - 04:22 pm

This is a poem I wrote in my head about the stories that I was working on. I tweaked it out in Math class and wrote it all down at the same time. Let me know what you think:

If Ash is Ash
And Dust is Dust
All that was great has turned to rust
The times of our ages
Have come to pass
The blood of Mortals
Shall cover the grass
Tales of the past
The dead cannot tell
Of how they tried to banish
That shadow to hell
The trials of Mortals
Have thrown the gates open wide
And the conflict will let
The darkness inside
Death and dispair
Have reached this world
Fire and Ruin
Have been unfurled
War has begun
And many shall die
To be reborn on the day
When the Leviathens fly

Posted By: talisman May 04, 2004 - 12:57 pm

Nice poem.

Each time I read it I like it more and more...

Not sure if Leviathan's fly? I was under the impression they were sea monsters...could be wrong though... lol

Write more! lol

Posted By: Aldan May 04, 2004 - 03:06 pm

Ok. you did have two misspellings in your poem that I noticed: despair and Leviathan. They weren't a big deal, but I, being me, had to point them out.
As for the poem itself, it was pretty well done, especially for an off-the-cuff piece. For me, writing rhyming poems requires considerably more work, rewriting and preparation, so I can appreciate what you've done with it. One line which partially says "thrown the gates open wide" could perhaps be made smoother and to fit in with the other lines a little better by ridding yourself of "open", since "thrown the gates wide" gets that across. Otherwise, it appears to be well-constructed, and even though the lines aren't set up with the same beats to them (I'm sorry, but I've forgotten the technical term for "beats" in poetry) it still flows well, especially with the suggested adjustment.
As for you question, tali, my guess would be that he was saying something along the lines of "if donkeys fly" - basically saying that those people will be "reborn" if a miracle occurs. I could be wrong about my analysis, but that's mine and I'm sticking to it (until I'm corrected by DH).

Posted By: Warhelm May 06, 2004 - 06:45 pm

It's sort of a mythilogical poem. The Leviathan in my story is a flying creature of incredible power. By the legend, there were 3 left in the world at the end of the War of the Realm and all 3 of them disappeared. It was written that when those creatures returned, all the loss in the wars of the past would be undone (this never actually happened). You are right though, the Leviathen was the name given to whales by early man, and as for the word "open", I stuck it in there because I felt that the line needed another sylable (I can't remember how to spell that). I don't write a whole lot of poetry, so you could be right about that line, who knows?
Thanks for the input.

Posted By: dleon May 13, 2004 - 09:11 pm

very impressive, looking at your work just
reminds me that i have a lot farther to go as a poet.
thanks