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Posted By: Nistrei Aug 29, 2004 - 02:53 am

Good day, my name is Iulia Vacaroiu. I have just started writing and I need some professional help. Please comment anything you see necesary from the small version of my book. It will be a volume with two actual books.

note: Please excuse my grammar. I am romanian. [Age disclosure is not permitted. Bmat. Moderator]
Chaos

1. The Legend:

The story starts in a land divided into five realms: Nature, Life, Order (these three are also called the White Kingdoms), Chaos and Death. [Now these are just nicknames of the actual lands, for example: The realm of chaos is called Elegan and Life is Teslai]. Elegan protects the white Kingdoms from the attacks of the realm of Death. Chaos didn't chose to do so, but it was geographiclly positioned in the way. The last war that took place left a new ruler on the throne. The late king Natter perished in this battle along with his aer to the throne, his daughter, Nistrei. His other daughter, Thers, became queen. [ One thing I forgot to say, in this world there exists humans (mortals) and wizards (immortals), the rulers are wizards, so the royal family are sorcerors].
A girl (17 years old) finds out that she might be the reincarnation of the princess Nistrei. The funny thing is that they share the same name. The legend calls the reincarnation Feira, so the girl gets a nickname. She is taken to the City of the Flame ( the wizards' city). Thers does not believe that the girl is her sister, mainlly because she does not want to lose the throne, but also because reincarnation is only a child's story, but to please her counsil of the oldest of wizards she agrees to let Nistrei study as a sorceres for one year to see of she maybe remembers her "past life". [I know Thers sounds like an evil queen, but believe me, in my story she is quite kind and very beautiful too]. The year passes and Nistrei doesn't remember a thing. The counsil asks for a longer term saying that the princess youst to travel in diplomatic affairs so Thers sends the girl on a trip with her majesties two twin siblings, Nir (a man) and Dravadei (a woman). [ The three passed through the land of Nature. The queen of this land was the mother of Natter's wife, Gesarem. She never agreed for the two to marry and never did like her granchildren. When she hears that Nistrei could be the reincarnation of one of them, she is apaulled and orders the three to be killed]. They manage to escape but it takes them very long to get back home. On their way Nistrei gets a very good ideea on how to destroy the land of Death but to do so she needs more power and decides to act like she is the reincarnation of the princess.

2.The War

In the second part of my book Nistrei overthrones Thers and becomes queen. She begins to prepare for war using many tactics. She also manages to start an alliance with the realm of Order and, believe or not, Nature. The kingdom of Life refuses to take part in this war for a reason that nobody understood. Anyway Nistrei's tactics worked like a charm. She managed to get to the throne city (where Gallar, the king, ruled from). They stormed the palace only to find an old man, the king. Gallar was a mortal! Just when Nistrei was ready to kill him, he sais: "Why do you, child, search the meaning of life, when you do not understant the meaning of death?". The girl finally undestood the reason of The realm of Life. Their rulers told her that a world without balance cannot be called perfect. Now she understood, the land needed a balance between life and death, for you see, dear reader, if death didn't exist than would life be such a miraculous thing?

The end.

Posted By: chowder Aug 29, 2004 - 11:26 am

Nistrei

Sounds like you have a good outline and general idea where the story is going.

It's always important that the MC (In your case, Nistrei) learns and grows as the story progresses. It appears that she does.

Only advice I can give (and you may already have this tidbit down pat) is:

Your MC should always be in trouble. That's what the readers want.

Good luck with your book!

Posted By: Nistrei Aug 30, 2004 - 12:35 am

Thank you for taking out of your time to write. Believe me, the MC is always in trouble. In the first part of my book when Nistrei, Nir and Dravadei are hounded down by the queen of Nature, they get into all sorts of trouble. Pretending to be someone else they somehow join a Guild of Thieves and other such things. In the second part, when Nistrei fouls everyone saying that she is the princess, she always has to make sure that no one finds out that she is lieing. All in all, the MC is always in trouble.

Thank you again for writing!

Posted By: Talon Sinnah Sep 08, 2004 - 07:10 am

I can tell you have spent a lot of time on this idea and really think like all ideas if wrote right will sore to greatness. Anyway chowder is right keep your MC in trouble, and once they get cornered throw them some more, keep the reader asking "How will they get out of this?" I like the idea of the realms Nature, Life, and Order. The lands however really got me Chaos and Death, I think you neeed a nuetral in there maybe Dreams or even Purgatory, the reason I say this is every war has a nation or nations that are nuetral. if you take my advice I would use Purgatory and make three lands and put it in the middle, because of the legend that if a soul is neither good or bad than he will spend an eternity in purgatory unless he shows himself as good or evil.

And I also agree with your theory of death.

Talon

Posted By: Nistrei Sep 10, 2004 - 10:57 pm

Thank you for writing, Talon! I will take your advice into mind. I was thinking of making a land that is neutral, but I'm already to far into the story to change it so severlly, so I'm thinking of turning one of the White Realms into a neutral land. Maybe The land of Life or another one. Well I'll have to think it over. Thank's again for writing! (Hmm! I seem to say that a lot these days.)

Posted By: BenJaru Dec 22, 2004 - 07:24 am

Are the titles of the two books "The Legend" and "The War"? This may sound silly, but you might consider having the titles somthing different. They seem fairly... Common.

What I do is go to Amazon.com or some other big bookseller, and do a search for my prospective titles. I try not to name a book somthing if I get more then 10-15 matches.

The titles sound like they fit the stories wonderfully, but if it were me I would make them a little more eye-catching.

But hey, that's just me, and it is your story, after all!

BenJaru