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Posted By: Twilight Nov 19, 2004 - 05:35 am

Hi all,
I have taken your advice for the First Martial Way story but not applied it to this one. Will be, this is like my final draft before getting a proofreader to step in. I have found short stories hard to write because i wanted each of the 8 i am going to do to be different. This second one is a little like chapter 2, it's a continuation of the first episode. Anyway, any feedback would be great.

Thanks

Simon


The Martial Way

Episode 2: Chen School of Martial Arts

'Ghosts? Is that seriously the best you can come up with!' Xander Chuckled to himself.
'I tell you there where Ghosts five in total. Ask Max he saw them to' Barked Sky in reply.
'He is telling you the truth, they where big, dark and kind of spooky looking'
'I know, I believe you, I really do' Sarcasm.

Every since Sky had returned from mountains peak without the Magick Water Xander had constantly reminded him every couple of minutes of how this proved Xander's point that Sky was neither Strong, Brave or Smart as this was the original argument that provoked Sky in heading up the forbidden Mountain. What Xander did not know was that Sky did in fact reach Mountains Peak and he did get the water. The only reason Sky ended up losing the Magick Water was because he traveled back to find his best friend Max, who had kindly returned to the school and informed Master Chen what they had done. That was a bad move, which they paid for.

Gently pushing open the door Master Chen stepped barefoot into the Kitchen, the cold wooden floors did not seem to affect the old Master. Heading straight for the cupboard Master Chen shuffled passed his three young students who now sat in complete silence at the kitchen table trying to quietly gulp down there breakfast. At this present time all three them where in Master Chen's bad book, Sky and Max for scaling the mountain and entering the Ancient Temple and Xander for putting the idea into their feeble minds. Master Chen had expressed his anger at the boys the previous night when all of them where up till one o'clock in the morning practicing drills after drills after drills.

Joining the troublesome trio at the table, Master Chen placed down his hot mint tea and something else that resembled stingy nettles and dirt floating in a yellow soup. Master Chen gave them all a stern look; you have never seen six eyes look in so many different directions unless you where at the cross-eyed Cyclops convention.

'Boys I am very disappointed with your recent behavior'
'Sorry Master' replied the trio.
'Shhh! Allow me to finish. I am very disappointed with your behavior but I understand why you did it'
The boys exchanged a confused look.
'You are bored, aren’t you?'
'Yes Master' they all nodded in agreement but that answer could not be farther from the truth. The boys where not bored, they where happy and very grateful for Master Chen's teaching but they did not want another last night training session, so at the moment they will say anything that their Master wanted to hear.
'I know how you feel. I was young, once'

A slight pause.

Xander bite his tongue, trying not to reply with some over the top sarcastic answer.
'Every Martial Artists wants a challenge. Xander for you it's proving that you are wiser, Sky for you it's your ability, you want to further your skill, you love the frill of the fight and Max.' Nothing came to the Old Masters Mind.
'Max' Master Chen Continued 'For you it's your loyalty, you want to show your friends that you will be there no matter what they do' Ok, so that last one was a big lie but Master Chen could not think of any reason why Max would be bored. In truth Master Chen knew his youngest Student Max would not go against anything Master Chen told him to do unless tricked into it. In a way Master Chen could relate to Max more so than the others, he to did not want for anything. Max like Master Chen was happy with his lot.
'Yes Master' replied the boys.
'That is why I have entered you into a Martial Arts Tournament'

Uncomfortable Silence.

The old Master smiled at the boys he knew this would make them happy. The Response was not the one he was looking for. All three of the boy’s heads dropped. Sky Sighed, then slurped some of his daisy soup off his spoon.

More Silence.

'What is wrong? I thought you would be happy'
'We are Master’ Replied Max.
'It’s just.' Xander hesitated.
'We win the Tournament every year' Groaned Sky.

That was a good point. Every Year Master Chen had entered the boys into the Martial Art School Tournament. This meant the boys could not fight one another, and had to fight students from other schools in a tag team situation. Four Years straight they had won the Tournament, Four Years! At nine years old they where beating fighters who where sixteen. It was not something they looked forward to these days; the competition each year seemed to get worse. It was not because the other schools did not train, it was just the boys got better each year.

'I know this, that is why we are entering a different Tournament this year'
Now Master Chen received a different reaction, a more positive reaction.
'Really?'
Sky's eyes nearly shot out of his head he was so excited.
'Yes, it's called the Ultimate Tournament'
'I have never heard of that one, is it new?' Asked Xander.
'Yes young Xander it is, this tournament is being held in a far away land. All of the best fighters from around the world are going to be entering, You Three are already signed up'
'We are!'
Max and Xander exchanged a high five.
'What about Chi'han, is he entering as well?'
The Old Masters eyes sparkled at the very mention of his prize student.
‘Yes Sky, Chi'han will be entering the Ultimate Tournament’ There was a slight pause, joyful smiles spread around the table then Master Chen added 'as am I' the smiles dropped onto the floor.
'Wh.. Wh.. What?' Chocked Max.
Master Chen reached over the table and awarded Max a slap over the back of the head.
'Manners! You say pardon me, or excuse me. Not What! You should know better than that'
'Sorry Master'
'Pardon me Master, can you repeat what you just said' Muttered the Smug Xander.
'I am entering the Tournament as well'

Silence.

'The Tournament begins in eight months. It will take two weeks to travel there, so we have seven and a half months to prepare. From here on in your training is going to be much harder. When you finished your breakfast, get changed and meet me outside. We are going to learn how to Control your Energy' Master Chen stood up from the table, placed his plate in the sink and headed outside. The Three boys sat still for a brief moment trying to take in everything that had been said, after there display of going up to the Mountain this is not what they expected, to Sky this was a reward.
'What are we waiting for?' Asked Xander not realizing the others had already left.

Master Chen's small house resided deep within the Yango Forest; no one was around for hundreds of miles, in his early years the Master lived much closer to civilization but today he preferred solitude. Over the years Master Chen had cleared a very big circular area around his house. To the back of the house was his garden where he grew his herbs. On the right side of the house his washing line, cooking area and outside bath. To the Left of the house was a small shed holding supplies not fit for the house. Out the front of the house was Master Chen's favorite area. A giant Square Concrete surface covering a good forty meters. This is where the Wise Old Master waited, This is where he had trained everyday for a countless amount of years and this is where his students will train for the next seven and half months. Today he had allowed the boys to oversleep, from here on in he would have to be tougher on them, already the sun had started to creep up into the sky, parts of the concrete floor hidden in the shadows of the mighty oak trees remained damp from the cold winter night. The time was 7am.

The front door creaked open and out ran Xander, Max and Sky. Each one of them exited the house already prepared for training in there matching Chen School of Martial Arts Uniform. Black rubber shoes, no socks. Blue Martial Art trousers that go up over the hip, a black martial art belt tied around the waist. Finally the Uniform was finished off with a thin white vest that tucked into the trousers, nothing fancy and as Master Chen would tell them, it gave total movement, which is what a Martial Artist Wanted. Xander came out with his short black hair, looking all nice and tidy. Max came out, his hair was longer and reached passed his ears, and it was also black. And then there was Sky, Long blonde hair that had not been brushed in years, he looked scruffy, Master Chen noted that the hair had to go.

Lining up in front of the waiting Master, the lesson began. Already Master Chen had set up several items on the floor in front of them. Firstly there was a big boulder, it was pointy in some places and looked very heavy. Secondly there was a six-inch board cut from the side of an Oak Tree. Lastly there was wooden Cane.

'Everywhere around you is Energy, You yourself are made from Energy, that boulder is made from energy, energy flows from the boulder as does Energy Flow From You. The Trees have energy, The Clouds have energy, The Air between the Boulder and the Sky has Energy. Energy is the fruit of Life. Without Energy non of you will be here, do you understand?'
'Yes Master' they replied but really meant No.
'When you breath in, good energy enters your body and when you breath out, the used, Negative energy leaves your body and blends back into the Universe. If you can learn to Control your energy there is nothing you cannot do, Learning to control the Energy is easier than you think. The First thing we will cover is how to direct the breath but before that allow me to explain why I have laid out these items in front of you. When we reach the end of your training, we will test your abilities. The Boulder you will lift, the Board you will break, The Cane you will dodge. Do you understand?'
'Yes Master' Meaning, No.
'The Boulder will measure your strength, The Board will show your power and the Cane will be your reaction and speed. These are what a Martial Artist must specialize in if they want to become the best'
'Yes Mas..'
'Shut Up! If you do not understand then say so, otherwise you will not learn'

Silence

'Xander, What is on your mind?'
'Me, Master?'
'Yes, What are you thinking’?
'Well Master, I think I can move that Boulder already'
'If you think so then do it'
Master Chen stepped back giving his over confident student room to move. Xander walked to the Boulder, Bending Down Xander intended to use the muscles in his legs to push the Boulder over but no matter how hard he tried the young Martial Artist could not make the boulder move, nor could he rock it. Joining in Max stepped up to Xander's side pushing the boulder with all his might, again, no movement. It seemed far too heavy for them. Sky believed he had come up with an fall proof plan, taking a run up the scruffy haired hobo looking student shoved his hands onto the boulder, still it did not move instead it left Sky with little pin pricks of blood across both palms of his hands from it's sharp edges. Master Chen watch in amusement as his three students struggled to make the boulder move the slightest bit.
'In seven Months you will be able to lift that boulder off the floor and throw it' Master Chen picked up the cane 'Now lets begin'

'Stand up straight. A good posture helps the flow of your energy. Focus your mind, Concentrate on the darkness inside your eyelids. Allow yourself to see the swirling colors that it holds inside, let your body relax with your mind. Breath in threw your nose; keep at a steady pace, in and out, in and out. Get into a Rhythm. In this relaxed State you will feel the air moving down your throat and into your lungs, your energy follows your breath. As your Mind and Body relaxed, you will feel that energy building up inside your chest. This is your first step into Internal Martial Arts' Whispered Master Chen in a soft voice before Striking Max with the wooden Cane as he meditated.
'Ouch!' Cried Max.
'With your Mind reach out, feel my presence. You must be aware of your environment at all times only then will you be able to feel me move before I do. In seven months you will block the Cane striking you'

And so the Training begun, from here on in things would get harder but what could the wise old Master have in mind for his students. Why now has he decided to enter them into the real league of fighters and Why did he decided that today would be the day they learnt the real secrets of the Chen School of Martial Arts.

To be continue....

Posted By: Bmat Nov 19, 2004 - 10:31 am

Ask Max he saw them to'- Ask Max. He saw them, too.

I am not going to proofread, since you mentioned getting a proofreader, and it needs a great deal of proofreading- grammar and word use corrections.

I think that you do a fine job of descriptions, and your detail and the reactions of the characters seem realistic. I wonder if there is some way to build up the tension more in the chapter to keep the reader turning the pages.

Sorry about the criticism. Remember that it is the reaction of one person only and may not be the reaction of others.

Posted By: Twilight Nov 20, 2004 - 01:40 pm

Oh no, that's excellent. Given me some things to think about. Thanks for the feedback.

If you have any more advice for me then please just shout it out.


Simon