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Posted By: Mir Jan 06, 2005 - 11:25 am

Sammuel sat quietly, his head hung low and tears streaking his face. From somewhere behind him, he heard the low mutterings and knew that he had done it yet again. If only they had not found him…if only they had not come to claim him after all of the time that he had been given.

He looked up, the dim red light in the room stained everything an eerie, evil color. Through the bars of his cage he could see the stone slab where blood slowly oozed over the side; its flow being unnaturally slow.

The only thing that Sam could make out between the figures hunched over the slab was a single hand. Even from this distance, he could make out the slightly twisted joints and broken claws. The skin on it was a shade of light blue, and it appeared to have some small scattering of scales. One of the three remaining fingers twitched slightly as one of the people around the creature poked at it with an instrument.

Sammuel buried his face in his arms and tried to hold back the tears that were coming. That monster on the table, the one that had was quickly dying…that had been his father. After all of the calculations…after all of the tortures and threats…even with his father’s fate on the line…Sammuel had been unable to complete the project. He was sure that they were going to destroy him now…but was that really such a bad thing?

“Sa…Sa…Sam…”

Slowly, against his better judgment, Sam raised his head. The people around the table had moved enough for him to get a clear view of what lay on the table. It didn’t look human any more; it barely resembled anything. The only part that remained unchanged was the face…for some reason, the face that stared back at Sammuel, the face so wrought in agony, was that of his father. The rest of the creature’s body was bloated and distorted, leaking blood from joints so torn by the transformation that they were no longer joined. The thing that had once been Sammuel’s father opened and closed its mouth slowly…seemingly gasping for its last breaths; however, Sammuel could make out its attempt at words, “…Sa…Sa…Sa…Sam…ule…”

Not able to look the thing in the eyes, Sam turned away. Still it spoke, and in a hoarse voice that sounded so like his father, “Sa…Sa…Sam…”

“Dad…” Sammuel couldn’t look up; he couldn’t face the thing that he had created.

“Do you mock us?” The voice, that voice; it sent shivers down his spine. He heard light footsteps approaching, but didn’t bother to look up. What else could they do to him? They’d kidnapped him, starved him, threatened him, tortured him, and already transformed and killed two of his family members. What was left for them to hurt him with?

“Bane, bring him out. We’ll give our little friend something to think about.” The voice was close now, right next to the cage that they had stuffed him into. He looked up, he couldn’t help it, and again saw the face that had haunted him for months. Luxurious blonde hair fell around the perfect face framing its soft features and honey colored skin. Her blue colored eyes were tinted purple by the light, creating a horrifying gaze as she looked at him. A half smile played across her lips.
Bane, a large and muscular man, lumbered over towards the cage, his steps echoing loudly in the room. He was nowhere near as beautiful as the other, and didn’t scare Sammuel nearly as much. After all, who could scare him more than she did?

The door to the cage banged open, and one of Bane’s arms snaked in, latching onto Sam’s ankle, above where his foot used to be. They had taken it long ago in one of the tortures, a measure to make escape closer to impossible for him

Sammuel struggled as much as he could…which wasn’t much. He had not been fed in nearly a week, and the cage was too small for much thrashing without damaging himself even more. Still he kicked out and flailed weakly as Bane unceremoniously dragged him out. Once outside, he got a swift and painful kick from a heavy boot that stilled him.

The woman looked down at him, her eyes meeting his and holding him in place with her fearsome gaze, “I think we’ve been a little too lenient with you…” Without even looking away from him, she spoke to Bane, “Take his limbs; all of them this time…” she nudged his right arm, “…all but this one; this one he needs for his writing.”

Sam’s eyes widened in horror…he started to say something, but was rapidly silenced as Bane lifted him up and hurled him into a wall, head first. There was a burst of colors, and then everything went black.

“Careful you moron! Don’t hurt his head, we need that intact.” The woman slapped Bane across the face, causing him to back away. He nodded energetically as he grabbed Sam by the ankle and dragged him out of the room.

The woman looked back to the monster lying on the table, drawing its last breaths, “…Sa
…Sa…Sa….”

This one had been so close, nearly a perfect transformation. Something had gone wrong at the last minute though, something terrible. She curled her lip in disgust as the thing continued to stutter out the garbled words. She shook her head and walked away, “…And destroy that thing!”

Posted By: Mir Jan 06, 2005 - 11:26 am

To be continued....

Please leave comments.

Posted By: Magus Jan 09, 2005 - 09:57 am

AWESOME! I loved it! Is this concerning Elenor and her master? I want to read more, will read more. You have the next two or three chapters posted, right? I'll get to those when I can.

Only one thing struck me as awkward here. The line:

“…all but this one; this one he needs that for his writing.”

I'd change it to:

“…all but this one; this one he needs for his writing.”

I got rid of the that that was there. It seems to sound better without it.

Other then that, AWESOME! Keep up the excellent work.

Posted By: talisman Jan 09, 2005 - 12:38 pm

That's really well written. Only a few minor things I saw...

<< One of the three remaining fingers twitched slightly as one of the people around the creature poked at it with an instrument.

I think you need to avoid using 'one' twice in this sentence. Perhaps make people plural.

In the middle paragraph you also use BOTH 'face' and 'colored' twice in close proximity to one another, which is a little awkward.

<< He had not been fed in nearly a week, and the cage was too small for much thrashing without damaging himself even more.

Damaging? I think damaging is better used when talking about 'objects', not people.

However, it's great so far.

Posted By: Mir Jan 09, 2005 - 12:57 pm

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll look into it.

Posted By: Magus Jan 09, 2005 - 02:50 pm

Grrrrr...

***Magus is angry with Mir for having a better prologue then he does.***

Grrrrr...

Posted By: Bmat Jan 09, 2005 - 03:22 pm

He's sitting quiety and the tears are flowing?- no snuffling? Because of fear of drawing attention to himself, perhaps?

had had is awkward.

The only thing that Sam could make out between the figures hunched over the slab was a single hand.- could see? could make out on the bit of slab that he could see between the figures?

the one that had was quickly dying- typo?

this one he needs that for his writing.” typo

Whoo! An intense story! Very vivid!

Posted By: Mir Jan 10, 2005 - 07:21 am

Thanks. I really need to fix that one line. I'll go do that now.

Thanks Magus...Prolouges are almost a specialty of mine.

Posted By: Magus Jan 10, 2005 - 01:56 pm

Grrrrr...

Posted By: Mir Jan 10, 2005 - 02:10 pm

What...have you read the rest yet? It gets better...just kind of odd. By the way, this is more Sci Fi than fantasy...it has nothing to do with Elenor.

Posted By: Magus Jan 10, 2005 - 02:23 pm

Really? I could have sworn that is was about her the way you wrote it. Oh, well. It's still really awesome. I'll have to get to the other ones too.

Posted By: Mir Jan 10, 2005 - 02:47 pm

You'll understand when you read the others. This one deals with people called gifted. The guy in the cage is a gifted.

Posted By: Magus Jan 10, 2005 - 03:00 pm

Mama says I'm gifted.



But I suppose we aren't talking about the same kind of gifted.

Posted By: Mir Jan 10, 2005 - 03:06 pm

Not unless you can do calculations on one subject so advanced and complex that their simple exsistence alters reality.

Posted By: Magus Jan 10, 2005 - 06:35 pm

Ummmmm... Yes.

Yes I can.

Posted By: Mir Jan 10, 2005 - 09:51 pm

You lie...you lie! you lied to me!

Posted By: Magus Jan 11, 2005 - 11:50 am

What proof is there that I lied? I am a moderator, remember. I can alter existance.

Posted By: Mir Jan 11, 2005 - 01:06 pm

Yeah...smart alec...I'll give you that one.

LOL.

Posted By: Magus Jan 11, 2005 - 01:30 pm