We have moved to new forum software and posting here is closed!

PLEASE BOOKMARK THE NEW FORUMS

Posted By: lascorpia64 Feb 19, 2005 - 07:55 pm

When I get my hands on you, I am going to make you eat this frog!" yelled Master Jonas. Although the hallway rang with the riotous laughter of his classmates, Darryn did not miss the tone of promise in Master Jonas' voice. Why had he let himself be talked into making that frog explode in the middle of their science lesson, he wondered as he ran down the hallway? As a huge grin covered his face, he remembered the shocked expression on Master Jonas' face while he was flipping his chair over backwards.

Downstairs, Lord Jarlath, had been summoned by the servants to see what the commotion was about. Just as Darryn rounded the corner, he smacked straight into him. "Judging by your hasty exit, I would say you know something about the goings on in the classroom." said Lord Jarlath
Before Darryn could answer him,Master Jonas came huffing and puffing toward them. "That monster blew a frog up in the middle of my science lecture. Someone could have been seriously injured. How am I supposed to maintain discipline for the rest of the day, now?" sputtered Master Jonas "Master Jonas, if you will allow me a word." Darryn snickering at Jarlath's use of the word allow, chose that moment to interject, "Lord Jarlath, he threatened to make me eat it if he caught me." Pretending to be terrified, he ducked behind Jarlath's back. "Jonas, how do you know that Darryn blew up the frog." "Well he ran didn't he?" demanded Master Jonas "I don't like the taste of frog", explained Darryn
Frowning, Lord Jarlath asked in his most stern voice, "Darryn, did you do it?" Darryn did not answer, and Jarlath said, "Master Jonas, I will deal with this matter. He added over his shoulder, Come, Darryn."

Darryn followed Lord Jarlath downstairs to his private quarters. Jarlath closed the door behind them. "Have a seat Darryn. Darryn crossed the library and took a seat in front of Lord Jarlath's hugh desk. "I know that you are bored in the classes with the other boys, your mind is much quicker than the average young man. However, explosions are not the kind of thing you usually think up on your own. As he paced in front of Darryn with his hands folded behind his back, Darryn had time to wonder how he would get out of this mess.

Lord Jarlath spun around and pinned him with his gaze. "Explosions are more the type of thing, Brendis would do." Darryn fidgeted nervously. Although they were not related directly, Brendis was like his brother. He didn't want to be the cause of him getting into any trouble.
Lord Jarlath smiled and said, "I know my sons's antics when I see them." Darryn couldn't think of anything to say, so he said nothing.

Frowning, Lord Jarlath said, "Since you find science so boring today, lets see what you know of the recent history of our country. Involuntarily a groan escaped Darryn's mouth. "Do you know how or why our country came to be ruled by the Council of Lords?" Darryn frowned in thought. He knew it had something to do with the death of the previous king and a civil war; he said as much to Lord Jarlath.

Lord Jarlath sat down in his large leather chair behind his desk and poured himself a glass of water from the pewter urn. He sipped the water and placed it back on his desk. He began to speak; "While that is true, there is much more to the tale. Not so long ago in the history of our land, we were ruled by a king and queen. King Alsandair and Queen Rowena ruled justly over Eran and they were happy together. They had two sons named Davan and Duwain. The prophets gave them these names because Davan means beloved and Duwain means dark one. Even so, the king and queen assumed they were referring to Duwains dark hair and eyes and loved each son equally.

But, Duwain forever hated his brother. He competed with him in everything. If Davan had a friend, Duwain immediately declared him his enemy. Thus, the nobility came to be separated into two groups. They tended to be either for Duwain or for Davan.

When King Alsandair died Davan who was the oldest, was crowned as the legitimate heir to the throne. Duwain beleiving he was the superior leader, raised an army to meet his brother and the loyal lords in battle. The resulting civil war tore Eran in half.

Fate proved a more bitter enemy than Duwain. King Davan fell ill, and unable to lead his troops properly, was defeated by Duwains army.
Duwain killed him on the spot in cold blood. He was not capable of mercy.

Duwain became a tyrant. Always suspicious of those around him, he saw plots wher there were none. He lashed out without discretion. When his cruelty and excesses progressed to the point that he began to kill his nobles, we had had enough. When he began to beat his only heir severely, we knew we had no choice but to act.

At the mention of beatings, Darryn raised his head to meet Jarlath's perceptive eyes and then quickly ducked it back down again. Jarlath winced, because he knew that one of Darryn's earliest memories was of being beaten by his families.

Jarlath continued, "We carefully planned and for the good of the kingdom as well as the child, we nobles raised an army to wipe out the Kings Guard. A chosen few of us used the chaos to infiltrate the castle and rescue the prince. We also chose a man by secret ballot to execute the king for crimes against his kingdom and people."

Darryn watched as Lord Jarlath stood and wandered over to the window. He looked out at the beautiful gardens below without really seeing them. If he had not been so lost in him memories, he would have seen a beautiful Spring day and an abundance of beautiful flowers in bloom. The gardeners were budy tending to the plants and trimming the grass. Birds were darting about seeking twigs and grass to line their nests and worms and insects for their babies.

"What happened to the prince", asked Darryn. Lord Jarlath was jarred from his thoughts by Darryns voice. "In the hopes that he would be a better ruler than his father had been, the prince was spared from harm and sent to be fostered by a man the Council considered honorable.
He is to remain in his household until old enough to rule.

Because the nobles who had survived the battle could not agree on how the country should be ruled, in the meantime, the country was once again split in two. The Council of Lords remained loyal to the prince and hid him away and rule Upper Eran for him. But Count Egan, a relative of the prince had himself crowned ruler of Lower Eran.

Darryn's skin began to crawl with the unpleasant sensation that he was about to discover something shocking. Nevertheless, a morbid curiosity forced him to press for more answers. "But what happened to the prince, how is it that I have never met him?" he demanded.

Seconds ticked by on the mantle clock before Lord Jarlath quietly answered, "You are The Prince". Darryn's eyes bulged and his jaw dropped. He shook his head not believing his ears. Never would ha have guessed this answer. As he absorbed the newfound knowledge, more questions formed in his young mind. Why was he being told this now? Why had he never been told before? Why had he never guessed? Before he could voice his questions, Lord Jarlath anticipated them. "The purpose of this afternoons history lesson has been to teach that as Prince Darryn, you will have to assume your role as a leader and no longer be a follower".

While Darryn thought about this, Lord Jarlath drove his point home. "Have I made myself clear?" "Yes Lord Jarlath." "How do you intend to begin", asked Jarlath. "I believe I will lead Brendis to the cleaning supplies", replied Darryn in a grave voice. "Excellent", said Jarlath with a smile. "Off with you then"

Darryn bowed as regally as a ten year old boy could and ran out of the library, not yet feeling the true weight of this afternoons revelation.

Posted By: chowder Feb 25, 2005 - 02:27 pm

You tell your story exceptionally well. You even snuck in a load of past history in an entertaining way.

Your beginning immediately drew me in--lighthearted, yet full of action and characterization.

I liked how Darryn, after hearing who he truly was, took ownership for the frog incident.

My only comments have nothing to do with the story itself--its the format--many missing quotation marks and each new speaker should be given a new paragraph.

Posted By: talisman Feb 26, 2005 - 03:13 am

Well written and the structure of the scene is clever. Dialogue's good too, though you need to use new lines for each character as said above.

In the first paragraph, you suggest through his thoughts, that it was Darryn who exploded the frog, but later he admits it was the other boy. That seems sligtly contradictory.

Regarding the "flipping the chair over backwards" part, is this a result of the frog exploding, or of him getting up angrily. It isn't very clear. I doubt in either event he would be voluntarily 'flipping it over' as the wording suggests.

I also think you could tighten up some of the sentences and join the shorter ones together so they flow better.