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Posted By: purr_verse Dec 17, 2001 - 06:28 am

for the darker days.

NARCOSIS

I slip through the cracks in my mind and no meaning
is ever quite clear through the deafening screams
of sharp torment and memory, all my own children,
Spawn from Gehenna to burn down my dreams.
And here I lie broken and empty and fading
with lapses of sanity faintly disguised
as beautiful fancies or magickal reasons
or anything else but this void I despise.

And gods, are you watching, I think I should leave now
This horror and winterland must not be real
but the mirror is breaking and I can't remember...
What was it I did when I knew how to feel?
This land so familiar, this house of dementia
- surely I've learnt to leave it by now -
meets my gaze blankly and turns away laughing
(I moved here some time back but I don't know how)
And I've taken your drug but I'm still coming down
To Lethe I'm bound...

I'm told that I'm crazy, I've gone somewhere secret
The words echo strangely (I think they are right)
and promise salvation if I'd only...something...
There once was a reason I thought I should fight
But my veins carry poison straight into my heart
- it once took a while but these nights it's direct -
and I sink in fathoms of panic and nightmare
Now meet your creation - desire narcolept.

So gods, take a good look, I think you've succeeded
This terror and tragedy crumbled to dust
Now the mirror has smashed my reflection is perfect
In wintercold splinters I terminate lust.
This land I once dreaded now welcomes me warmly
- alien places I understand now -
and takes my hand gently and closes the door
(I think I would lock it but I don't know how)
Internal narcosis the peace I have found
Negate sensurround
To Lethe I'm bound...

..and I do not recognise love anymore
I do not recall the passion and pain
I cannot remember bright wonder and glory
Emotional coma is all that remains
Emotional coma, come drown me again.

In Lethe
Remain.

Posted By: Caltana Dec 17, 2001 - 11:11 am

Sounds good, very dark I have to agree and goes deep into the idea of of this darkness of the mind and everything that surrounds it and makes for good reading I'll grant you. But why does every piece of poetry I've read here have to rhyme? I've personally found poetry that doesn't more interesting. Going on about dragons, Princesses and the 'adventure scenario' is all very well but in rhyme it gets rather boring.
Though I don't disagree on the rhyming bits in your work and think it works really well as a piece of imagist poetry (as the imagery is very vivid) I couldn't help but re-write it in my head as a non rhythmic piece. It tends to go (tum te tum te tum) in the way its laid out. The lines seem to be a similar length and if you read it out loud it does sound very similar line for line. Still that's just my view of poetry. As you've written it, its a very admirable piece which uses some graphic descriptions which make for a good read.

Posted By: purr_verse Dec 17, 2001 - 09:30 pm

Thank you for your comments. Regarding the rhyming, this is one of my 'lyrical' pieces...I actually picture this as a song, but since I can't sing...what can you do. I like rhyme, myself - my complaint is with poetry which rhymes badly and/or at the expense of metre. I've posted two non-rhyming pieces on this site, but it's not my regular style. I have a couple of pieces which are somewhere between the two...maybe I'll give those a bit of a posting. But anyway, thanks again!

Posted By: Malachai Dec 18, 2001 - 06:58 pm

I actually prefer rhyming poems, if they're written with proper respect. Non-rhyming poems are freer, true that... but sometimes poets allow themselves to write too freely and this results in bad poetry. As for this specific poem, I loved the rhythm and the symbolism. The experiences described... I must say they're very familiar, and it's a novel sensation to read them written out in this way. This artistic, drugged, stuporly way. The mirror part was a favorite, and I like the interruptions of personal opinion spaced throughout the poem. There were some parts that read strangely, but overall, it surprised me by the dark imagery and slipping sensation of it. Nice.

Posted By: it_devours Aug 07, 2003 - 10:42 pm

always like a good insanity piece!

did you mean "in lethe i'm bound" to sound like "lithium bound"? or is that just me reaching...

but this is cool.

Posted By: Vashta Aug 08, 2003 - 11:25 am

I like this poem and I like poems that rhyme. I think I have a poem here somewhere about that very subject! I do sometimes write without rhyme, but I find that unless it's done well, it looks like people are trying to make their work seem worthy and serious so they do it without rhyme and think this will do the trick (IMHO only)...

There are some great images here and some really good lines!

Posted By: purr_verse Aug 10, 2003 - 10:51 pm

I can't believe somebody picked up the "lethe i'm"/"lithium" thing!

Yeah, I meant it, but nobody's ever noticed before. It's pretty obscure.

Posted By: Syrinx Sep 18, 2003 - 08:12 pm

this rocks. It'd make a good song. (at least, it would given my taste in music!)

Posted By: thegreentick Oct 03, 2003 - 03:30 pm

I liked it. I like rhyming poetry when it is done well. This one was done well. Excellent prose.

Posted By: Piper Oct 10, 2003 - 07:39 pm

Rhyme sometimes stifle a poem's expression, but if the poet is able to add good rhyme with a good poem, like what this piece of poetry ( and its poet)has succeeded in,I say well done.

Posted By: xorph Nov 02, 2003 - 11:10 pm

i think you're my favourite.