Search found 50 matches

by Tony
Sun Jun 01, 2014 4:02 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Some interplanetary fun
Replies: 1
Views: 5441

Some interplanetary fun

Moon Home Will you come with me to my real estate in the stars and live with me beneath the ringed giant hung like a goddess in an ebon sky? Will you come with me to Titan, to ski upon the icy slopes of methane snow in the glow of Saturn's rings? Say yes and we shall go. What will we do in our crys...
by Tony
Tue Dec 24, 2013 9:26 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel
Replies: 8
Views: 8049

Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Asp Zelazny wrote:I like either one of those, with a slight preference for shimmering.

I think it was the "not" that seemed wrong, both as a beat, and conceptually as a negative.
Edits in place. Thanks for the feedback.
by Tony
Mon Dec 23, 2013 1:44 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel
Replies: 8
Views: 8049

Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Asp Zelazny wrote:Just a minor criticism, though without any expertise: somehow the line "Fading but not extinguishing" creates a hiccough in the flow (though not in the thought) for me.

Hmm . . . how does "Fading but still sparkling" sound
or maybe "shimmering"?
by Tony
Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:31 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel
Replies: 8
Views: 8049

Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Aye
by Tony
Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:10 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel
Replies: 8
Views: 8049

Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Yes, it's about the joining in and not going it all alone, a sort of reminder for me and maybe others.
by Tony
Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:46 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel
Replies: 8
Views: 8049

A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Fireflies Grey mile follows grey mile beneath grey skies. But see, but listen. From the side streets a parade streams. Here they come, some bearing lanterns, some dancing, twirling, passing by laughing, smiling. Each one, each woman, each man, each child, leaves a kiss as they pass, plucking at the...
by Tony
Mon Jul 15, 2013 9:49 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Air Song - Act 2 The Last Great Song Champion Part 1
Replies: 7
Views: 10263

Re: Air Song - Act 2 The Last Great Song Champion Part 1

Thanks Dreamez. Let me know how it goes.
by Tony
Wed Jul 10, 2013 6:37 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Air Song - Act 2 The Last Great Song Champion Part 1
Replies: 7
Views: 10263

Re: Air Song - Act 2 The Last Great Song Champion

Air Song Parts 1 and 2 (complete) are on Watpad now: http://www.wattpad.com/user/Uccello

Part 3 seems to be growing in directions I had not anticipated so no telling when that will be finished.
by Tony
Sun Jul 07, 2013 2:31 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: The Little Violin
Replies: 2
Views: 4619

Re: The Little Violin

I shall be rooting for Edgar! :)

Maybe "in a state of distress" rather than "in a state of distraughtment" or even "in a distracted state".
by Tony
Wed Apr 17, 2013 12:03 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Love Song from an alternative universe
Replies: 3
Views: 5119

Re: Love Song from an alternative universe

Maybe it should be seen in context of the piece I've now placed it: A lullaby for lovers remembered / A love song remembered Tenshae looked out across the tops of the neighbouring home trees as the sun slowly sank into the west. Her mother sat speaking to Shanlee, on her lap Briar was trying to stay...
by Tony
Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:58 am
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: New Soldier (1400 words)
Replies: 9
Views: 10569

Re: New Soldier (1400 words)

Hi Logan I'm with Bmat. I have some edits / proof reading that might be useful. Most simplify what you've written. There yours to use if you want them: >He was the first of a new class of soldier, better, more useful, and more importantly smarter. Maybe: He was the first of a new class of soldier, b...
by Tony
Thu Apr 11, 2013 8:18 am
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Love Song from an alternative universe
Replies: 3
Views: 5119

Love Song from an alternative universe

Lullaby for lovers My, but this is a bit slushy. It's from my Other Song sequence and is going to come from a memory of a significant moment between two characters, Shanlee and Jonesh, whose relationship is going through a bad patch and a separation of innumerable dimensions and light years. Think o...