Search found 108 matches

by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 12:50 pm
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Dragonite Wars: Chapter 2
Replies: 6
Views: 4574

You don't need to change the 'long face' bit at all. It means exactly what you think, of course, but in England there's an uber-famous groaner that goes... "A horse walks into a bar. "Why the long face?", asks the barman." It's an adaptation of a classic joke that has now ruined the long face descri...
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 12:29 pm
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Kaput: Chapter 1
Replies: 4
Views: 3548

Wow, no matter how much cleaning you do, there's always another tarnished spot to polish. I'm sure Steely-boy would agree! It's just never good enough for you huh, Bmat? - It's always moan, moan, moan, error, error, error! Only joking 8) . I really, really appreciate every moment of time and your sh...
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 11:54 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: The Legend of Snow White
Replies: 6
Views: 4472

Think this is a great idea!
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 9:03 am
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Prolongation of Chapter 6 of 'Quest of Spera'
Replies: 7
Views: 5139

You seem to be trying to build tension and make the piece pacy by using short sentences. It's a literary tool alright, but it doesn't seem to be working in this case. This is possibly because you are over-using it as an aide? This can make your reader tired, rendering the tension powerless. Advice? ...
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:41 am
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: War of Brothers, Book 1 of The Book of Souls Trilogy
Replies: 17
Views: 11187

A veritable trove of feedback.

I have nothing to add. :)
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:18 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Kaput: Chapter 1
Replies: 4
Views: 3548

Kaput: Chapter 1

Thanks again to everyone for their help with this: *** Kaput ‘…those who really control and order their thoughts are but a small minority… …most of the world still lives by imagination and passion’ -H.G. Wells The First of War It must’ve been one street-shaker of a party because Dot-dot-dot had faze...
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:13 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Kaput: Prologue
Replies: 6
Views: 4268

Kaput: Prologue

Hi My prologue and first chapter feel just about finished now, so I'm going to post them here for people to read and hopefully enjoy. Hope I'm not cluttering the forum by posting in two areas, but I get the feeling that there is limited cross-over from this board and the Critique one (and also, from...
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:29 am
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Kaput: Chap 1, Pt 2: The First of War
Replies: 4
Views: 3747

Thanks so much Bmat - going to work on it now!
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:19 am
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Dragonite Wars: Chapter 2
Replies: 6
Views: 4574

Interesting. You indeed have a good imagination, and you're building a solid, intriguing story here. You're talents seems to lie with your handling of conversation, and while you seem to cope well with the shorter descriptive paragraphs, you seem to fall down on the longer descriptive sections. I'm ...
by MainComputer
Fri Dec 30, 2005 5:15 am
Forum: Speculation
Topic: Paranormal
Replies: 1201
Views: 331710

Sorry. I never mean to be intentionally argumentative or annoying, I just can't help challenging ideas that won't fit inside my head. It feels like a square peg is being forced into a round hole inside my thought processes, and every logical part of me screams, "No! This is not true!" As a child I n...
by MainComputer
Thu Dec 29, 2005 5:44 pm
Forum: Speculation
Topic: Paranormal
Replies: 1201
Views: 331710

Ignore my post. Argumentative.
by MainComputer
Thu Dec 29, 2005 3:53 pm
Forum: Speculation
Topic: Paranormal
Replies: 1201
Views: 331710

As a lover of controversy, and being one of the most cynical people you'll ever meet, I reckon I'll throw a few stones into this and see what happens. Don't get me wrong- you might find me annoying, but I'm not being annoying for annoyances sake, I'm simply built that way. I'm a bit annoying. I love...