Search found 67 matches

by SFNovelwriter
Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:53 pm
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: After the Prophet, Chptr 1 (Feedback Requested)
Replies: 4
Views: 4858

Take a look at this hope it helps.

Hello: It starts off really choppy then gets better. I’ve rewritten the first paragraph to give you a different opening. My Grammar sucks but I think this reads a little better less choppy, use what you can or want toss the rest hope this helps. Your dialogue works well but the beginning still needs...
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:59 pm
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Unnamed work... Needs harsh (but honest) opinions
Replies: 13
Views: 9828

You go girl

Hey Cold Sandy, post the re-write we are all dying to see it, it's interesting and just keep doing what us writers do writing!
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:56 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Love in the Real World
Replies: 5
Views: 2811

Not bad

I liked it the end just needs a little something don't cha think? You could try ending it like below.

As the fantasy world you knew slowy slips away,
What you see in the harsh light of day,
Is the truth love you have,
Not the dream that slipped away.
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 31, 2006 3:50 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Upon a Star
Replies: 3
Views: 2052

Thank you all

I appreciate the kind words, and I hope to write more, that are also so kindly recieved.
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 24, 2006 2:03 pm
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Feedback Requested on Forward of Fantasy Book
Replies: 7
Views: 6873

Not bad stuff:

This is pretty good, but it's more like chapter one not a prologue. Prologue should be that war had been wageing between the parties for years over....and fill in about the parties. Also not my little soldier, he should just bark at her GIRL, and when she goes to check on the soldiers she should be ...
by SFNovelwriter
Mon Jan 23, 2006 10:08 am
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Unnamed work... Needs harsh (but honest) opinions
Replies: 13
Views: 9828

Good Job

Good Job Sherry for the first time at this I think you did well. And I agree with your suggestions, and every little bit helps the story in the end.
by SFNovelwriter
Thu Jan 19, 2006 1:41 pm
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: Scenario Salad
Replies: 4
Views: 3844

great imagination

I think all have merits, but there is not enough to say which would make the best book the rest of that is locked in your mind. However I would do the first and second, together because you can do a lot with the twins, how one is raised and the other...she had a crappy life maybe because mom and dad...
by SFNovelwriter
Wed Jan 18, 2006 9:58 pm
Forum: Critique and Advice
Topic: ErRatic - chapter one/part one
Replies: 13
Views: 8549

Good for you

You've already submitted books so your way ahead of me, I've written them but that's about it, this year I'm I'm going to get one ready. One thing I've learned from televison, chat rooms and discussions is you need an agent. Do you have one? Agents will give you the pooper skoop on if your books are...
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:34 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Dreaming
Replies: 2
Views: 1795

I disagree with believer, I think it flows fine, I get it. The dream you can't quite remember but won't go away, only to return again and again. Only this is the dream you want to continue not a nightmare, it's full of light and you can't get it out of your mind like that stupid song you find yourse...
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:27 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: I Like You
Replies: 6
Views: 2306

I agree with orgone, the first few lines are weak, don't work, the rest is fine. Maybe you could have said, can I have a teabag, or will you offer me a teabag, it might have worked better. Other then that it's heart felt and nicely done. Keep up the good work and do me a favor, keep writing :lol:
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:20 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Silent Reverie
Replies: 18
Views: 6918

To dream

There are those who dream, those who don't, those who love and those who have never loved. You have touched us all, with your magical words. I salute you, hope to see more.
by SFNovelwriter
Tue Jan 17, 2006 8:16 pm
Forum: Poetry
Topic: Walking Alone
Replies: 10
Views: 3924

Not so scarey

I have to admit I ready your I want to belive and went looking for more, and found this. What you have here is the search for love, or one's soulmate. It has it all, says it all, and touches those who have made, and are making the journey, good work!