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Gaea

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Gaea

Postby NeoScribe » Sat Aug 05, 2006 12:19 am

Any advice or criticisms on how to expand on this would be appreciated.

First, Background info: Roughly 500 years into the future, mankind has reached the stars and joined with three other races to form the interplanetary nation called the Pact Peace has reigned for centuries. On the other side of the galaxy (figuratively speaking) a planet called Gaea exist. Gaea defies all known laws of science because this planet is, as my main character calls it, "Something out of Lord of the Ring." Magic exists on Gaea and the various races like humans, elves, fenrir, centaurs, and kappa struggle for dominance.

Now, the story starts with the introduction of my main characters, Jonas and Skye. The two were in space on a college "Ghost" hunt, when reality bended and they crashed on Gaea. As if that wasn't bad enough, not only are they cut off from home on a planet that should not exist, they were apparently expected. The Prophesy spoke of those who fell from the sky and the two fit the description well. Unfortunately the rest of the Prophesy was written vaguely and could be interpreted in several ways. A popular interpretation is that they will bring victory to their supporters, another is that they will dispose of certain rulers they don't like. This is a problem.

O the other side of the planet a war like no other is waging. Former enemies have banded together to counter the invasion forces of the Unity Empire and its techna weaponry. While the Emperor himself has revealed no reason for the attacks, his elite generals known as the Hexra, and coming from a variety of races, have their own ambitions and will carry out their orders to see their dreams become a reality. The Emperor seems to have taken an interest in the Jonas and Skye and has ordered them captured. The allied kingdoms are determined not to let that happen.

Not trusting the allies, the two have only one option and that is to head to where the Prophesy was first written and find the original copy in hopes of discovering its secrets. More often then not, they are soon revealed to be the Prophesied and are hailed as hero's or targeted for elimination. Many times they are forced into leadership positions by crowds expectations and are made to make decisions that effect the lives of thousands as well as shed their own naivety of war and conflict. As news of their deeds spread they gain supporters and Unity begins to see them as a threat, especially when they openly declare that they will see the Empire destroyed after understanding their role in the Prophesy and witnessing the horrors that Unity has committed and plans to commit. But to successfully defeat Unity they must convince the allies and other kingdoms to put aside their millenia old hatreds of each other and fight together without the assumption that they will continue their old wars once the immediate threat is dealt with. And they must start with their own bodyguards. The legendary yet prideful elf general, the xenophobic and fury-filled human emissary, the old dwarf with a dark history, and the secretive and power-hungry elf sorceress (latter they are accompanied by a mermaid and an oni as well).

Well? Anything I should add or take away? Do ya need more info?
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Postby Ariel » Sat Aug 05, 2006 7:45 am

Sounds like an interesting story.
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Postby Bmat » Sat Aug 05, 2006 8:19 am

It seems like a work of considerable length, or even more than one novel, maybe a trilogy?

It also reminds me a bit of John Carter of Mars. I don't remember there being any magic, but John Carter ended up influencing life there.

One thing I really like about your idea is that you plan to show the growth of the characters.
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Postby NeoScribe » Sat Aug 05, 2006 12:38 pm

Actually I planned to make 6 books :D .

Most of the characters do go through a major development. Jonas is initially a serious and smart, but confused and naive person, he depends on others to fight for him and tell him what to do. As the story progresses Jonas takes a more firm stance concerning his bodyguards (two who often try to kill each other) and reveals an amazing intellect for strategy and logistics while still serving as a rallying point for others and a capable leader. Skye is cheerful, quick-witted and full of life, but although it doesn't show at first, the responsibilities forced on her as well as the carnage she witnesses and the outright hatred she sees directed at her and others takes a toll on her ans she begins to crack under the pressure.
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Postby aldan » Sat Aug 05, 2006 3:53 pm

Six books? That really IS sounding like John Carter from Mars, then! Chances are, though, that your books will be longer than those were....
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Postby NeoScribe » Sat Aug 05, 2006 4:48 pm

How long is John Carter?
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Postby eleika » Fri Aug 11, 2006 4:11 pm

Not to sound depressing, but that actually really sounds like The Gods of Arr-Kelaan. And a bit like Christopher Stasheff's Warlock series, where a colony of SCA members set up medieval shop and then forgot their origins, on a planet where "magic" (psionic powers) was possible.

Otherwise, what are you going to offer to make this believable? Are the planets' inhabitants humans? (If so, how did they get there and why?) What makes magic work there?

Just nitpicky questions, but I hope they help.
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Postby NeoScribe » Sun Aug 27, 2006 10:47 pm

How dare they steal my ideas! Lawsuit! Lawsuit!

How did the human races get there? They were born there I suppose, except for Jonas and Skye. Magic is kind of complicated. If your asking if they're born with it or if its learned, then the answer is it's learned. But it would be like you or me understanding Quantam Metaphysics. Not just memorizing the facts, but actually understanding it all. Thus, only those with the time and the brain power ever master magic.
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Postby Magus » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:44 pm

Sounds very interesting. If I saw it I'd definately give it a test-read. Just be aware that you run the risk, it seems, of making this overly-complex, and falling into the traditional trappings of fantasy will be especially easy by the sound of it. Just be aware of these and try to work around them. Otherwise I must say that it has some marvelous potential.

Good luck with it.
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Postby NeoScribe » Tue Oct 10, 2006 6:05 pm

Thanks for the compliments and advice. I have heard that the story could go in different directions at times and I'm working on that but I love the plot twist that makes things complicated so I'm sorta working against myself. But what do you mean by "Fantasy Trappings"?
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Postby Magus » Tue Oct 10, 2006 7:11 pm

Essentially articles of fantasy that have their roots in Tolkienism and, having been so embraced by the writing community, that they've become incredibly stale and cliche where most well-versed readers turn away from them as soon as they find them. For example: numinous rings that threaten to be the undoing of the world, human rangers who turn out to be long lost princes in a line of kings, an elf who gives up her immortality for the love of a mortal human, a merry band of childlike creature who love long meals and have furry feet, impersonal and uninspired Dark Lords, a human ranger/elven archer/dwarven fighter trio, elves retreating to their gray havens in the west when they tire of the world... etc... I think that you get the idea. You have a promising idea before you, I just caution you that you also seem to have one that could fall for these cliche trappings of the genre if you're not careful. This isn't to say that none of these ideas can't (or have) been done outrageously well in the past. It's just that they tend to be crutches for weak writing and inexperienced writers.
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Postby NeoScribe » Tue Oct 10, 2006 10:17 pm

Ah, I see. I know what you mean now. Yes, I have taken precatautions against the cliches, other than the Dark Lord, but he doesn't do much until the end of the story and the Hexra do more to make problems for everyone than he does. In fact, several times in the story the question of whether the Emperor actually exist is brought up even among the characters and even the Hexra themselves. (The eigth Hexra divide the empire among themselves and are kept in check by their de facto leader, Notob the Death Claw, who initially recruited them. One reson they haven't beaten the coalition yet is that they frequently are out to sabotoge each other and refuse to cooperate half the time)

I'n the meantime, here is a half-original part that I forgot to put in because she doesn't appaer til later, the Third Avilar, who is related to the other two by blood but they're not sure whether they should consider her Jonas's twin or his daughter.
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