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Chapter 4-Thaia Queen...

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Chapter 4-Thaia Queen...

Postby Stephanie » Sat May 05, 2007 10:57 am

Chapter Four
Thaias discovery





Talous sat in the corner, out of sight. He watched Thaia as she drifted off to sleep unaware of her danger. The evil creature waited deep in the shadows for her to sleep! Talous wondered what it was about this Ljosalfars that ensnared Michael and in truth his master Ymir! The Ljosalfar kept Michael from his love-struck idiot sister Janet! He normally would not care, but she felt compelled to sob on him every time Michael would call her Thaia by mistake! Talous soon tired of running from his emotionally unstable sister. He stared down at Thaias beautiful face, yes he thought she did possess some kind of lovely glow! Talous preferred more dangerous women this one would be too pure. Thaia was not very deep in sleep. He knew he had to be stealthy with her or he would end up dead. Drawing deeper into the shadows Talous watched and waited.

Drifting further and further into sleep like a feather falling to the earth. Thaia stood above a river not far from the house. Slowly she floated above the water. She felt as if she were flying. One toe skimmed the cold surface, making little ripples. Thaia felt her body drift up slightly drawing her feet out of the cold wetness. She floated along the moon light path. Bright the moon was she thought covering her eyes. It bathed her pale skin, pulling her further down the river. There in the shallows stood a man in front of her, calling to her. It was no man but the void!
"Run Thaia, Run." Floated to her on the wind. With a flash the void moved and had taken hold of her. . . surrounding her, inclosing her body!
"Wake up, Thaia you are going to die". Struggling to escape with little success. She gazed into the swirling hole of emptiness! A face floated to her, it was . . . Michael. Her eyes sprang open as a dark figure jumped through the air like a tiger coming straight for her. Scared Thaia attempted to jump up in bed. She only made it to her knees with her hands up when he neared.

Suddenly every window blew open emitting a strong gust of wind. In a bright burst of light the wind became a shield surrounding Thaia in a swirling force. Time seemed to slow to almost a stop. Thaia surprised, stood still as she could feel the center of her body pull her forward, as if the force's strength came from her soul!

Thaia couldn't help herself as her eyes gazed stunned at her hands then at the swirling electric blue . . . thing covering her. She searched past the force to the figure as he slowly bounced off the blue force. He then sail out of the window, time seemed to return as she lowered her hands.
"What is going on?" Thaia said as she examined her hands. Hearing a noise outside of her window Thaia grabbed her clothing, backpack, and ran for her old room.

Talous caught off guard had been tossed out of a window. He hit with full force of Thaias shield! Luckily that was all that happened to him he thought bitterly. Getting to his feet, Talous jumped up to the window. He entered Thaias room again, she had already gone. Talous knew she could not enter the Ljosalfars world without the mirror! Talous knew too stayed close, he would see her again.

Thaia dressed at record speed, she then moved for her old closet. Removing half of the planks from the old floor she lowered herself into a secret room. Thaias feet hit the familiar dresser, she kneeled down to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Scared that the stranger may follow she replaced the planks. Quietly she jumped down to the floor and ran to the opposite side of the room. Thaia began to run her hands up and down the wall to find the switch for the tunnels. It had been many years since the last time that she had used it.
"Ha!" Thaia said out loud as she pushed the switch in. A panel on the wall popped out. Thaia slid the panel aside and crawled in, closing it behind her. Sitting, Thaia listened to every noise in the old house. Confident she could not possibly be found there she relaxed, a bit. Looking at her hands, Thaia couldn't believe what just happened. She was sure that the force had come from her. Sure that she had never been able to . . . do that before!

Opening up the panel to peer out into the empty room she thought of the forgotten room. The room had been boarded up, fully furnished with beautiful bedroom finishing’s. It had at one time been the heart of the house. At least to her great, great, great grandfather it had been the hear of the house, whatever that had meant.

Every generation had added a wing or three to contribute to our ancestors! But her Great, great, great grandfather built around it, eventually he closed the room up! Thaia was told it reminded him too much of the struggle in his early life. She didn't mind, it was the only place she could hide. Thaia could come to play in this room to escape from her crazy mother! As a child she had moved a large dresser to sit just below the hole so she could get down then back up again. The great thing about the room, it had three escape passages, just in case mom ever tried to find her.

Closing the panel again she sat in the cramped crawl space and thought it better to wait there until the sun was up. Turning so she could lie down with her head at the panel. Thaia thought to keep her ears open incase the stranger somehow found her. Thaia thought she was being foolish not returning to her room. She told herself that the man would be long gone. How would he not flee for his life after a mysterious force throws him out of the once closed windows! Chiding herself did not make her move, but instead she put her head down and feel asleep.

Thaia found her dreams broken and confusing! She of course found herself dreaming of creatures chasing her from the shadows. The strange thing was that the creatures, at first where chasing her full of rage and hatred, they terrified her! But then it was as if they recognized her and fled in fear.

Thaia could feel herself being pulled deeper as if a hand had grabbed her from behind. On through the darkness a force pulled her to unknown destinations. On and on she was pulled until she could see a park. A shack stood near the rivers’ edge in the park, Thaia came to a stop.

Slowly Thaia floated a foot above the small shack located on a small island. She recognized the place . . . Thaia would sneak off and meet Michael there when they were young . . . it was their make out place. Looking around she could not see past the shack and river, everything else was . . . black! Listening for anything in the shadows, she realized that it was unnaturally silent. Someone she realized was walking up to her, she could feel a strong presence. It was a man, but Thaia could not see his face. The stranger wore a black hooded cloak covering all but his white chin. The man approached Thaia, he slowed to a stop. He lifted his arms to reveal his face to the floating figure. Thaias breath caught in her throat, a pear of familiar dark brown eyes peered up at her.
"Michael". Escaped from Thaias lips, she felt her body drift down to the surface, her feet touched the ground just in front of Michael.
"You have closed me out for a long time Thaia I . . . forgot what the connection felt like." Michael said as he struggled to breathe. Of course he was lying, Michael knew how Thaia would affect him!
"I don't have a lot of time, you will understand! First you need to quietly make your way to the fourth floor mirror. Talous is still looking for you, he is there to kill you Thaia! When the mirror pulls, don't fear it, just let it happen! I will meet you on the other side." Michael bent over and ran his hand across her check. Leaning even closer he kissed her lips, then pulled away before she could say or do a thing. Stunned the air had been pulled from her, Thaia struggled to breath everything started to blur as her body pulled towards her sleeping, motionless body.

Thaia opened her eyes and sat up on her elbows listening for movement on the other side. She brought her hand to her lips they felt wet as if she had just been kissed. Shaking her head Thaia tried to clear her mind, concentrating she thought of her options. The crawl space she thought, went up as far as the third floor! The original attic had been there, she could run up to the fourth floor. She turned in the small space and made her way up to the third floor. She could not help but to think of the dream. No, it was more than a dream it was one of "those" dreams, but different . . . very, very different Thaia thought shaking her head!
"Was that really Michael?" She mumbled then shook her head again forcing him out of her mind. The pain of seeing him still after all of the time that had pasted took her breath away! Determined to see where all was leading her, Thaia pushed on. She moved slowly up the narrow space. Quietly, so not to be heard. Thaia slowed as she neared the end. She could feel the end of the tunnel with her outstretched hand. Pushing on the panel it popped with a thud and opened. She stepped out of the crawl space and knelt down on the floor listening for any movement in the hall.

Slowly she moved towards the stairs that would take her to the fourth floor. A silent deadly blur . . . Talous landed on top of her before she could reach the first step. They fell to the floor in a frenzy of fling arms and legs. Thaia hit her head on the wood floors and for a second everything started to go dark. With a start she realized she had flung Talous off her again! She had some how conjured the shield again! To her surprise she had no control of her body as Talous attacked her! With every assault Talous made, throwing what looked like black bolts of lighting, Thaia deflected. Determined to end the demonstration before he got hurt! Talous assaulted her with the full strength of his power. He dove and flipped around on the floor and in the air to avoid Thaias deflection. To his horror the sleeping Queen sent his spells hurtling back at him with almost precise aim. Once again Thaia stopped him in his tracks! Fear for the first time crossed his panicked mind.

With resolve in his eye’s Talous tried to channel to the mirror. He would need to rejoin with his master and draw from his strength. But before he could leave, Talous found himself flying through the wall then through trees. Thaias assassin smashed through all in his path until finally he fell to the ground miles from the house.

Thaia saw the hesitation in Talous face and knew to attack with all she had . . . whatever it was that she had! Thaia watched as she conjured up a lighting storm between her out stretched hands. Thaia turned her hands towards Talous and watched as she sent him flying through the wall, he disappeared in the night. Thaia ran up to the fourth floor without hesitation.
Copyright © 2007 Stephanie Renee
Last edited by Stephanie on Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby clknaps » Tue May 15, 2007 9:25 pm

This is an interesting story with interesting characters, I definitely think you should keep working on it.
A few notes on punctuation and grammar. The exclamation mark is used far, far too often in this piece. Consider dropping about half or more of them. When using a possessive term you need an apostrophe "s" at the end. For example, Thaia's Discovery, instead of Thaias Discovery.

The opening paragraph was a bit hard to swallow, there were lots of names mentioned and you seemed to try to pack in a lot of information all at once. I wasn't sure what was really happening action wise until I read it a few times again. I've put a suggested rework of the first paragraph below:


Talous sat in the corner, out of sight. He watched Thaia as she drifted off to sleep unaware of her danger. The evil creature waited deep in the shadows for her to sleep! Talous wondered what it was about this Ljosalfars that ensnared Michael and in truth his master Ymir! The Ljosalfar kept Michael from his love-struck idiot sister Janet! He normally would not care, but she felt compelled to sob on him every time Michael would call her Thaia by mistake! Talous soon tired of running from his emotionally unstable sister. He stared down at Thaias beautiful face, yes he thought she did possess some kind of lovely glow! Talous preferred more dangerous women this one would be too pure. Thaia was not very deep in sleep. He knew he had to be stealthy with her or he would end up dead. Drawing deeper into the shadows Talous watched and waited.

Talous crouched in the deep shadows of the corner, out of sight. He watched as his prey, Thaia, slowly drifted to sleep, completely unaware of his presence or her danger. (extra information deleted for now) He watched as she drifted into the first stages of sleep, her beautiful face covered in a soft glow. She was pure, too pure for his tastes, and he chewed away the minutes in anticipation, knowing he would need both stealth and surprise on his side.

Just a suggestion, keep working on this and thanks for sharing it with us.
CLK
She sells seashells by the seashore.
Rubber baby buggy bumpers.
I shot the city sheriff.
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