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Postby TaylorVann » Sun Sep 26, 2010 1:14 pm

Here is another. It is the shortest story I have, and perhaps my favorite. I got the Idea from a drunken conversation with a friend who really does not want to have children....

I dont know if you will like it, but i hope that you at least enjoy reading it

It goes like this...

Julie sat on the cold table, waiting anxiously for the doctor to return. A mass of cells is all that he had said, and more tests were needed. So there she sat, tests done, waiting for the results. She had been feeling nauseous for a week or so. Vomiting occasionally, feeling dizzy, and her appetite all out of whack. Something was definitely wrong she thought, so she went to the doctor. She assumed that it was a stomach virus or some such thing. But then he was taking x-rays, and sonograms, and calling for more tests. A mass of cells. Julie was not gifted with an over abundance of brains, but she knew that was not good. She was terrified.
The doctor returned and she could tell by the look on his face that it was not good.

“It is not good. It is a mass of rapidly dividing cells that is growing at an alarming rate. By our estimates in the next nine months it could grow to upwards of ten pounds.”

“You mean, I have cancer?”

“No, it is not cancer. It is called pregnancy. The two are similar, but not the same. They are both characterized by rapid cell growth. However the way they are contracted are quite different. Cancer is usually caused by environmental factors such as radiation, toxic chemicals or the like. It can also be genetically inherited. The mass of cells that forms is called a tumor. Pregnancy on the other hand is contracted sexually, and the mass of cells is called a fetus. Have you had unprotected sex recently?”

“It was only that once, and he promised that he was clean. He looked healthy.”

“Full blown pregnancy is only ever found in females. Men carry the pregnancy, but they do not exhibit symptoms. He probably didn’t know he had it”

“Is it serious, Is there a cure?”

“In most cases the fetus is benign. The pregnancy runs its course and the fetus leaves the body in about nine months. Although you are left dealing with the side effects the rest of your life. There are some treatments for pregnancy but they are highly controversial. This brings me to the real bad news. As I said, in most cases the fetus is benign, but your fetus is malignant. We caught it too late, and it has begun to metastasize. The pregnancy has already spread to your lymph glands, and we don’t know where else it might take hold.”

“How long do I have?”

“I do not know. I was not entirely honest with you earlier. I said that in most cases fetuses are benign, well until now we thought that every fetus was benign. We have never seen this before. I have no idea how this might turn out, and no idea how to treat this. I want to keep you under observation. I am so sorry.”


Julie’s last day alive was spent in a linoleum tiled, fluorescent lit, antiseptic hell. At first she refused to stay at the hospital under observation. She was determined to live her life to the fullest, and was not going to be miserable in her last remaining months here on earth. And at first she did. She quit her job. She could live off of her savings. What good is saving for the future if you have no future? She did things that she had always wanted to do.
Thirteen. Thirteen fetuses in all. The pregnancy had spread to her entire body: thyroid, breast, colon, even brain, just to name a few. At first she was able to hide the pregnancy, but after the first two months she was really starting to show. If you have a large lump on your throat you can tell people that it is a goiter, or a tumor. But when it starts to move, what then? And the weight! Thirteen!
She was embarrassed to be seen in public, and she could hardly move around on her own. So she went to live at a medical college to be studied and observed. A freak show on display for all who cared to poke and prod at her. They offered no solution, no cure, and no comfort. But they did feed her, and gave her something for the pain. By now she weighed two hundred and fifty pounds, up from one fifteen. She was in constant pain and constant fear. The fetuses were developing all generally at the same rate. They all got daily check ups. They had eyes, ears, noses, mouths, fingers and toes. She knew she was going to die. There was nothing to be done. They couldn’t be removed, it would be too dangerous. They did not know what would happen when the fetuses reached maturity but they figured that there was no way she could survive. And so they watched, and waited.
She was alone in her last moments. It happened in the middle of the night. There was the night nurse there (asleep) and an on call doctor (he had his phone turned off). When the pains started she could hardly feel it through the medication. But soon she was wide awake and screaming. They wanted out and they didn’t care how they got there. They had no concern Julie’s well being. They did not even know her. The screaming finally woke the night nurse who rushed in to find a scene of blood and flesh that made hers curdle and crawl respectively. The night nurse began frantically making phone calls. Finally she was able to raise a doctor, who rushed to the hospital. When he arrived, Julie was gone. What he found was a pile of flesh, blood and clothing in which was sitting thirteen healthy infants, several of which were beginning to cry. “well” he said “ I suppose we must find homes for all of them. Nurse, do you have any children?”
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Re: Feed Us!

Postby Bmat » Sun Sep 26, 2010 2:58 pm

LOL! Very imaginative. And certainly not one I'll soon forget. Thank you for posting it.
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Re: Feed Us!

Postby TaylorVann » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:19 pm

Thank you
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Re: Feed Us!

Postby The Master » Tue Sep 28, 2010 11:18 am

No, it is not cancer. It is called pregnancy. The two are similar, but not the same.

This line is win.

Very funny.
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Re: Feed Us!

Postby berry » Wed Jan 05, 2011 6:04 pm

I really enjoyed this story which I thought was very witty and original.
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