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Terraform - Chapter 1

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Terraform - Chapter 1

Postby ash rosin » Mon Mar 28, 2011 1:27 am

This is the first chapter of about 27 chapters... writen a few years ago. The outline is finished, In have only written up to chapter 7... my wife and I had children... I loved writing this and am thinking of going back to it. Time has past and i feel the need to write...


The lights were dim and the audience was hanging on ever word he was saying, either that or they were all asleep. Ash didn't know, as he couldn’t see through glare in his eyes. He felt truly alive as he was close to the end of his story. This was his final piece which he wrote as his final assessment for the course. He started to smile and almost giggled as he was remembering... incidents that occurred during the course. He quickly shrugged these thoughts off as he regained the plot. He wasn’t going to mess this reading up as he was proud of his writing.
All his life he had been focused on one thing. This was study and his own ambitions of repairing the planet. After completion of his PHD's in Astro-Physics, Environmental Science, Bio-Chemistry Genetic Engineering, done in almost record time. Ash knew he was so close to total burn out. He needed a release and felt that the short term course in Creative Writing would harness some of the stress that he felt at the end. This would be an outlet for the buildup of crap in his mind.
The words came out of his mouth confidently and a little cocky.
He finished the story. He suddenly felt awkward, then the spot lights were turned off and he was able to see the crowd.
All he saw was faces, all staring at him.
He repeated “The end”
The clapping started and the crowd all stood up and cheered.
A smile that threatened to break his face right off appeared.
All he could do was stand there, for the first time in his life he felt honest and realized the accomplishment was truly his own.
Ash looked at the crowd, he knew everyone, every face he remembered and he mentally captured the image. He could do that and he knew it was cool.
The evening finished abruptly when most of the course participants decided to go clubbing. There were numerous women who pleaded with Ash to come out.
This he had never done before and quite frankly... it scared him. He wasn’t a social butterfly and preferred, as he liked to put it, quiet nights in. Which mainly consisted of reading, watching documentaries, furthering his own personal projects. Creative writing was a new outlet which was satisfying his needs mentally.
He wasn’t going clubbing, he was walking home. This he felt he needed to do as he needed to absorb the events that had just taken place.

The sun was just setting and he still had a good hours walk ahead of him. Thoughts were not buzzing through his head as per norm. Normally he was able to concentrate on numerous things at the same time. This ability wasn't weird for him, it was normal. He knew he was different but accepted it as a way of life. He knew that by concentrating on passions in his life his thoughts would quiet’n down. The writing was the first time that he was able to concentrate on one thing at a time. Even the thoughts that he knew were not his own would not stand out.
On his final stretch he approached a small supermarket “Get It All In One”.
He made his way down the back of the store. 'There are normally one a few customers, and they always seem to be the same ones' Ash thought t himself. 'Well I suppose it's constant'.
Ash was first in line at the checkout. It was seven, the end Isle.
He noticed that the girl at the checkout hadn't noticed him. He was taken back by how attractive she was. He knew he was staring, he also knew that she wasn’t looking so it didn’t matter to him.
“How much?” He asked her
She robotically swiped his products.
A four pack of red bull, the smaller cans as he didn’t want to spend too much.
An eight pack of two minute noodles.
Two Bananas, still slightly green and as Ash didn’t think he would eat them tonight he decided that this was a good choice.
The scanning was complete and she looked him in the eyes and stated “That will be an even Ten Dollars thank you”
For some reason he was attracted to her.
The emotional surge was confusing. For some reason, unbeknown to him, he couldnt think clearly and he had a warmth on his forrid that was starting to take over his whole body. Words were swelling up in his mind and wanting to come out. He wanted to stand there and look at toes as he didn’t know what to say.
“Sir?” She questioned him. “Are you alright”.
All he could think of was, wanting to purchase Her and he knew that was wrong.
She looked at him and realized that something was different about him. She saw him regularly and today he appeared different from normal.
“What’s up with you today” She questions him.
“Just finished the award ceremony and I am a little phased out at the moment. How has your day been?” he said.
Ash knew he was attracted to her, this he could not understand and he was embarrassed.
While subconsciously staring at her pronounced cleavage, an elderly woman behind him heatedly calls out “What’s the hold up, I have TV to get home too”
This quickly snapped Ash back into reality. “Why are you working here?”
She informs him “I’m filling in for a friend who couldn’t get to work”
“Who would that be” He questions her.
She giggles to herself then blurts out “Ms Chunky” who was another well known employee, or Till Tart.
A male behind the irritated old lady called out “What’s Taking so long”
Ash looked at the man, he recognized the face but couldn’t place him in a location or event. This was unusual as it didn’t happen often.
With this he quietly payed for his items and left casually. He continued to go over the whole Shopping Centre scenario in his head. He put the emotional mess down to being a “Strange phase he is going through”
Ash heads home and arrives soon after a short walk. His home consisted of a small, built on apartment added to the back of a double story building that was close to twenty years old. The house belonged to a couple named Mark and Sue. They were almost family. Mark was one of Ash's fathers best friends before died.
Ash walked down the side passage to his abode. It was his place, he didn’t own it or even pay rent on it, nut he called it his to himself. There was only one bedroom, a study and an open plan living area. There was a bathroom, though it wasn’t really all that crash hot. He thought it was *beep* as he had to use a bucket to flush the toilet. Though the citrus plants outside flourished.
As he approached his front door he noticed movement to his left. Looking down to the base of the main house he noticed Marks pet Gerbil looking back at him. Almost examining him. This was a weird Gerbil. It was as if it was monitoring him like a human. He laughed to himself as his mind went away with ridiculous excuses for the Gerbils irregular gaze.
He opened the security screen, then the main door and entered his apartment. He stood in the open area in front of the Kitchen and examined the contents of the room.
He had lived there for 21 years. Living with Mark and Sue who had owned their house since the age of twenty four. They had been great to him There as a financial support as well as emotional. They knew him well but did not get in his way too often. It was at the age of twenty one when they offered to build accommodation onto their house for Ash, to give him some privacy and to let him develop himself more so on his own. This was something that he felt he needed, though he didn’t want to go too far.
He sometime longed for the company of another person and did believe that there was that special someone out there for him. He was in no rush as he knew they would meet one day. In fact he felt that he may have already met her in the past and he didn’t know it.
He smiled to himself.
Everything in the apartment seemed to be in place. He knew he was anal in the way that he liked his belongings placed in specific ways around his home. This was unlike Mark and Sue, who were absolute Pigs when it came to the hygiene of their house. When confronted by Ash over the state of the house, when he lived with them, he was told that they were too busy with their work to keep a “Tidy” house.
Ash was ok with this now as he lived in a very tidy place. He knew they were busy, but he didn’t see the combination of an Accountant (Sue) and a Graphic Designer Mark) as having no time for cleaning. He could hear them doing a lot of something else and he could understand that they were just prioritizing.
The following morning at five Ash's alarm clock started beeping. He was already awake and had been for some time. He reached out and tapped the off button and continued to analyze the thoughts in his head. It was weird. Every now and then miscellaneous scenes of events would pass through his mind. These scenes were not often relevant to any task or matter at hand. Hey were just scenes. What freaked him out was that they were not his own thoughts. They had to be because he was the only person using his head... he hoped.
These scenes were sometimes interesting. Most of the time they were just normal every day events that appeared to be happening to someone else. What he did know and took advantage of was the from an educational perspective. When he was learning something at school, college, or University, he would normally have the answers to most questions in his head as the question was asked. This advantage he kept to himself as he was concerned with the outcome of explaining to the world that he was a freak.
He shook his head in an attempt to clean the thoughts out of it. He was awake and ready for the day. The plan for the day consisted of meeting a friend for Coffee. He had not planned anything further for the day and that alone was unsettling as it was unusual. It was a rare moment because he was fine with just letting the day unfold. He continued to smile.
Ash needed a shower and was a little bit hesitant towards going into Mark and Sues house due to a buildup of filth that he would have to wade through. The thing was that the apartment had a limited supply of water and he needed to go into the main house for a shower, or a decent sized dump. He decided against it as he thought he wasn’t 'that bad'. Mark had done all of the renovations himself and hadn’t finished off the plumbing. Ash had access to drinking water and that was about it.
Ash dressed himself and tidied the apartment. As he was about to leave when he had another anxious episode. These were worrying him more so as they were occurring more and more.
He felt like something was going to happen. Not the standard every day thing. This was going to be important for him and the direction of his life. He shivered and left the house after locking the doors.
Half an hour later he arrived at the Coffee shop “Gobble N Go”. He chuckled to himself as the name always made him smile. He saw the waving hand of Paul, sitting on a chair at a table out the front of the shop.
“Hay there Paul, how are you?” Ash called out as he approached.
“Doing well, how you doing?” replied Paul.
Ash's face beamed with a smile as he had been looking forward to chatting about stuff with Paul. Ash and Paul were very different people. They didn’t have much in common. They each experienced different things in their lives that had left them searching for a sense of identity.
Ash had only just realized that he hadn't had much of a life as he had been studying for most of it. And Paul had most of his life taken away from by the use of drugs. These drugs had created massive gaps in his past and filled them with events of hatred and anger that never existed.
Paul was coming to terms with the damage he had caused, not only to himself but to those around him. He was moving on, he was in the process of healing and he knew he had a long road ahead of him. It was like his direction was becoming more clearer, he knew he had to maintain contact with Ash. He knew in himself it was only a personal growth thing. Not Lust.
“You weren’t at the Award night?” Ash stated
“Something weird happened and I couldn’t make it” said Paul “In fact I’ve been hanging to tell you since it happened.”
He looked excited and a little scared and nervous about what he what he was going to reveal.
Ash grinned and this comforted Paul. Ash ordered a drink and sat down. “Come Paul, let me hear it, I do have all day” This was true and Ash, strangle enough, felt relaxed listening to Paul.
Paul talked about a group that had developed over the past year. Paul explained to Ash about a system of thought that he has researched into and that he is in the process of developing. There was a small number of people world wide who shared his theory on thought and as Paul explained to Ash, saw him as a leader or a person for guidance on his theories of this system of thought.
“Wow, I spent four months by your side in a classroom and now I find your an expert and a leader?” Ash giggles.
“Yeah, kinda cool hay?”
Paul and Ash spend the next ten hours discussing this over an assortment of savory snacks and delights.
It was revealed to Ash that the group of followers that Paul had, consisted of 11 people that he had extended chat sessions with and group conferences. He had only met five of these people in person. He had discovered that there were a number of these people who were sharing the theory with new people, create a network.
Ash's mind went all fuzzy for a moment as he felt a connection. Ash knew that he had more abilities than the common man. He had the ability to regurgitate information he had never taken in. He was able to see things from a wider expanse than others. There were ideas and ways of thinking that he had always known. Paul was someone who was developing those same ideas himself .
Ash had not disclosed his abilities to anyone, other than an email chat friend who was on the other side of the world. He knew Paul was going to play an important role in his life.
(Name of religion)
During the conversation Paul explains about a number of ancient scriptures he had found and deciphered. How the teachings of these scriptures played a massive role in the development of his 'Ideas'.
Paul talks of other worlds, other civilizations and the possibility of other realities. Paul explains about the human mind and the possibilities for advancement. A lot of what Paul talks about kinda shocks Ash because he had these abilities.
To sum up what was happening in the conversation, Paul was explaining his way of thinking and how it would benefit both the person and society. He was also explaining, without knowing, to Ash how to use his own train of thought. It was like handing over a set of instructions to child to build his first model.
Ash was hanging on every word he was saying.
“Dude, I’ve got to go, there is a conference I have to be at and I can’t afford to be late” Paul states as he stands up and reaches out to shake Ash's hand.
“You take care and I will be in touch with you soon” Ash said and then sat back down to reflect on the conversation.
Ash stayed seated for a good half an hour as his mind was buzzing with excitement and clarification. He felt good, better than he had for a while.

Ash stood, stretched and realized that he didn’t want to go straight home; he wanted to get away and sort his head out. He began walking to 'His place' this wasn’t home but a location he used to just switch off and relax.
Half an hour later he arrived at the Lookout. This was located at the peak of a hill that rose above numerous other a-joining hill's in a V like formation. At the peak of each hill there were identical single story buildings. In fact these were entry points to a city below ground.
The city had been opened and populated for over ten years now and this always amazed him.
The fact that his father was the instigator and creator of such an amazing accomplishment was mind boggling.
Even though his father died before he was five and didn’t let Ash have much time within the underground city, he knew the design back to front. The city was named “ONE” and was the trial design for a series of other interconnected cities to relieve the planet of the stress human habitation had created. The main objective was to let the planet heal itself with our help.
Thousands of species of flora and fauna had become extinct due to human interference. By increasing the amount of plant life on the surface, they hoped to use plant life to filter out the crap in the air.
Even though there were numerous Detox stations located within nearly every city that was left on the planet after the devastation that occurred, the air was still very polluted. Even the plant life was struggling to survive.
Ash thought about the Big bang, about the surge in technology leading up to it and the effects of the bio-weapons used. What would it be like to live in a world with so many people? Will society ever change? Will the past continue to repeat itself? These were questions Ash asked himself on a regular basis. It didn’t look very positive. Though Ash would try to make an impact like his father had on the direction of the planet.
Ash was one of a number of people who knew Earth was running of of time. For real.
This wasn’t just a commercial speal to get people to think a specific was or to buy certain products.
Earth was soon to become just another piece of rock rotating around a sun. Ash knew this as his father did. He wanted the continuation of the species. He also wanted more, though he dint know what he wanted.
Ash missed his parents. Sue and Mark were great to him and he would be forever in their debt for the way they had raised him and the love and affection they showed him. But they were not his parents. Plain and simple. It was twenty years ago the incident occurred. It was still like yesterday to him.
Ash's father was named Suresh, and he knew he was well loved by them for four years.
He could still remember being thrown into a cupboard and seeing his mother scream as the door closed. Then there was the explosion… and darkness to follow.
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Re: Terraform - Chapter 1

Postby Bmat » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:54 am

Welcome to Speculative Vision!

It looks as though you have a good basic idea. As you said, it has been a while since you wrote it. When you go over it again you'll find some word and grammar errors that you'll correct. I also recommend that you read with the idea of condensing to make the story move faster. What we know about Ash could perhaps be expressed in fewer words. I hope you'll keep working on it.
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Re: Terraform - Chapter 1

Postby Xyster » Mon Mar 28, 2011 2:05 pm

Interesting idea overall. I'm not sure where your writing stands now as you said above you wrote this several years ago. I have a similar experience and have had to go back and completely rewrite my own work now that I've improved my editing and flow. I would consider condensing some of the single sentences into more cohesive paragraphs, it's very broken up and distracts me from the flow of the story. I would also work on the amount of passive tense used.

Instead of Ash's father was named Suresh, and he knew he was well loved by them for four years. you might try something like Ash was well loved by his father Suresh and his mother for four years. There is nothing really wrong with passive tense, but if you use it too often it can pull the reader away from the story.

I like the concept and the framework seems good though.
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Re: Terraform - Chapter 1

Postby ash rosin » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:44 pm

Thankyou for your feedback :) This is thew first draft and is a novel I wish to finish. I can see the story, pondering with the possibility of just writing it as a screen play. The outline is detailed and fills 57 pages. It does get very 'science fiction based' after about four chapters.


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Re: Terraform - Chapter 1

Postby Xyster » Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:34 pm

I can easily see this transitioning into a screenplay; I wish you the best of luck on this. If you reedit it or transfer medium (ie into a screenplay) I'd be more than happy to see it again and reread it. :mrgreen:
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