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Blue

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Blue

Postby berry » Tue Nov 27, 2012 1:38 pm

This is a very short one. I'm working on short stories at the moment trying to get a lot across in very limited word count, I would love some feedback on it.

He’s waving at me again. There’s a few of them with him today some of them have flags. I’m too far away to see their faces but I know all I’m missing are pleading desperate expressions. No one paid any attention to us at first but when the rain began I knew, I just knew that’s when I came here to the top of this hill, well it’s a hill now. People used to laugh at us, they jeered as more of the faithful came to the hill but as the rain continued on and the land began to disappear they found better things to do.
Now they are gathered, the survivors. ‘The survivors’ sounds more romantic to them than ‘those who fought off the competition and found a boat. There were only about 20 boats to start off with. There were no more of them than there were of us back then. As the days passed my followers dwindled some lost to illness, some to accident. As the days passed boat after boat joined the mass. I can hear them celebrate when another is taken in. It’s one of their traditions if indeed you can make a tradition in so little time. It was his idea, The Founder they call him, he used to be a plumber now he leads the survivors.
He came up the hill once he wanted to talk leader to leader. We talked as though we were debating but there was to be no movement on either side. He got angry, he turned away from me and started shouting at the whole gathering. He said we were needed and we were wasting lives. ‘Salvation has to be forged not waited for’ he said. Eventually he wearied of us and left quietly with one last supplication, ‘please come’. He was very persuasive for a plumber. Some of the group even left with him that afternoon, some ran away in the night.
The rain continued on but that only strengthened our faith, we looked up into the sky waiting for the rapture to raise us up off the hill, into the sky and to our God. It rained, we waited.
It’s just me now, the last of the faithful. The floating city they have made is the only other thing to be seen apart from endless sea and endless sky. I watch the lights twinkle in the night, and watch the endless stream of movement during the day. I know that if I were to give in like the others and swim, they would row out to meet me but my faith is all I have left. My faith and the rain. I will wait now until either the water or my God comes to claim me.
Outside of a dog, a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
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Re: Blue

Postby Tony » Tue Jan 15, 2013 8:43 am

Sad and moving.

If the leader of the floating city rows over and throws him/her over his shoulder and takes him/her back with him that could be God's will. Not that I think that's going to happen nor the rapture either.

Thought provoking even for an old agnostic like me.
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Re: Blue

Postby pixibubbles » Sat Jan 19, 2013 6:56 am

It reminds me of that joke.
It's flooding, and a man is sitting in a tree (or something like that)
Lots of people try to help and offer him places in boats, and he refuses, and carries on praying instead.

And the water reaches him, and unsuprisingly he drowns. He gets up to the pearly gates all annoyed, and demands to know why God didn't answer his prayers.

God looks down, and simply replies: 'What to you think all the boats were?"
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Re: Blue

Postby Tony » Sat Jan 19, 2013 11:31 am

That was it. But don't you think that "Blue" adds something.

Me, I would not need to be asked twice. I would on that boat so quick it would barely rock. Never known such a wet year.
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Re: Blue

Postby Tiri3l » Sun Mar 10, 2013 5:04 am

I wonder why it isbjever easy tibthinj about the raprue. i thijk maube raptures shouldbbe iwalking thriugh doors.
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