speculative visionscience fiction and fantasy

the king must die!!! working title

Share your genre short stories with our readers and get feedback on your work.

Moderators: Bmat, Qray

    Bookmark and Share
 

Postby tiriel » Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:25 pm

haha. i wont take it too hard then
User avatar
tiriel
New User
New User
 
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 4:29 am
 

 

Postby Neurolanis » Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:29 pm

Well, I don't think he ever had my gender confused. Not that I know of.
User avatar
Neurolanis
Resident Author
Resident Author
 
Posts: 5268
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:20 pm
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
 

 

Postby tiriel » Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:13 am

* passes neurolanis a medal*

:geek:
User avatar
tiriel
New User
New User
 
Posts: 64
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 4:29 am
 

 

Postby Magus » Mon Apr 11, 2005 6:28 pm

Yeah, Neurolanis? You get people's gender confused even when they're sporting a feminine avatar of a woman!

:roll:
User avatar
Magus
Writer Extraordinaire
Writer Extraordinaire
 
Posts: 10536
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:34 pm
Location: Illinois
 

 

Postby Neurolanis » Mon Apr 11, 2005 8:04 pm

Actually, that's what tipped me off! It just took me a while to notice it! :oops:
User avatar
Neurolanis
Resident Author
Resident Author
 
Posts: 5268
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:20 pm
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
 

 

Postby Manji » Wed Apr 13, 2005 5:09 am

You can tell when you use a comma correctly because you can remove the words between the two commas and the sentence will sound find. Otherwise, you're using it incorrectly.
That's a helper! I used to have the same problem.
User avatar
Manji
Site Regular
Site Regular
 
Posts: 407
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 2:40 pm
 

 

Comma Use

Postby Alaskamatt17 » Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:10 pm

Manji, that's not the only use for a comma. That is a good rule for how to use commas to set off a parenthetical statement, but commas are also used before conjuctions when joining two independent clauses (as is done in this sentence). Likewise, commas are used to set off introductory elements. Commas also find a place between coordinate adjectives.

There are many other uses for the comma. For an in-depth look at proper comma usage go to http://webster.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
After a certain high level of technical skill is achieved, science and art tend to coalesce in esthetics, plasticity, and form. The greatest scientists are always artists as well.
-Albert Einstein
User avatar
Alaskamatt17
Casual Poster
Casual Poster
 
Posts: 170
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:11 pm
 

 

Postby Magus » Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:58 pm

I mostly always use commas the way that Manji said. I occasionally use it for other purposes, but easily 90% of my comma use comes from that.
User avatar
Magus
Writer Extraordinaire
Writer Extraordinaire
 
Posts: 10536
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:34 pm
Location: Illinois
 

 

Postby Neurolanis » Wed Apr 13, 2005 8:24 pm

I like going crazy with cammas sometimes myself and will have to edit a lot of them out. Nine times out of ten when you consider removing one, it's best to do it! :P
User avatar
Neurolanis
Resident Author
Resident Author
 
Posts: 5268
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:20 pm
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
 

 

Postby Alaskamatt17 » Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:47 am

I'm not so sure, Neuro. Removing commas is good, but I'd say you only want to remove them about 50% of the time.
After a certain high level of technical skill is achieved, science and art tend to coalesce in esthetics, plasticity, and form. The greatest scientists are always artists as well.
-Albert Einstein
User avatar
Alaskamatt17
Casual Poster
Casual Poster
 
Posts: 170
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:11 pm
 

 

Postby Neurolanis » Thu Apr 14, 2005 11:11 am

Well, maybe. It depends upon the person, I guess. :P
User avatar
Neurolanis
Resident Author
Resident Author
 
Posts: 5268
Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:20 pm
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
 

 

Postby Theophilus » Sat Apr 16, 2005 8:27 am

I, like commas, so stop, making fun of them, guys! :thumbdown:

;)

I agree with what everyone else said, but I would also point this out:

meia ran through the flowery meadows. The air was light, the sky was perfect blue and the breeze ran through her silky hair like fingers. She collapsed to the ground, her skirt falling into a circle around her, and she moved her hands idly amongst the flowers and reeds that swayed about her.

Everything was tranquil and all worries were gone. It was a pleasant dream. Though suddenly, out of nowhere, Ameia felt something rise within her. As it did the skies turned black, and a voice began to echo about her. An angry, guttural scream.


Those two "about her's" are too close together. At least, I noticed them, though I am admittedly picky about that sort of thing. Try to put some variety in your word choice. :)
User avatar
Theophilus
Just Registered
Just Registered
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:17 pm
Location: Happyland
 

PreviousNext

Return to SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron