La Rapolution

General fiction short stories not related to Science Fiction, Fantasy, or Horror.

Moderator: Bmat

Post Reply
User avatar
jimm2
New User
New User
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:29 am
Location: illinois
Contact:

La Rapolution

Post by jimm2 »

LA RAPOLUTION

This story is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real events or people is completely coincidental.

PREFACE

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of rock, it was the age of rap. It was a time of change, it was a time of awesome guitar solos.
It was the end of the age of rock, and the beginning of the age of rap. Some people saw it coming, some thought rap was a harmless fad. Little did they know that rap would eventually take their great country and plunge it into a time of despair and reckless hatred. Jozzy Josbourne was the leading figure of the metal genre, a wonderful type of music that was fairly popular with the youth. As great as metal was, some people misunderstood it, thinking it degraded American values and glorified devil worship. O, how foolish the uninformed can be. Some of these people, mostly known as thugs, believed that rap was destined to be the only type of “music” around, despite the fact that rap is nothing but saying dirty things and racial slang into a microphone. But the average parent did not know this, and believed rap to be more appropriate for their children. When rap finally took over, they would regret their ignorance.

Jozzy Josbourne was sitting in his limo, sipping his champagne, when his car came to an abrupt stop. The driver lowered the glass device that divides the driver from the passenger. He turned to look at Jozzy as Jozzy asked him, “Driver, why have we stopped?”
The driver replied, “I think we ran over a small child again.”
Jozzy exclaimed, “You stupid driver! That’s the second one today! What’s your name?!?”
“Skittles. I think we should get out and see if he’s okay.”
As Jozzy gets out of the car and walks to the body, he notices it’s not a child, but a grotesquely large black man. Jozzy walks up to him and nudges him in the side with his foot to see if he’s conscious. When the body doesn’t respond, he turns to skittles and says, “Call 911.” When Skittles fails to respond, he repeats himself, “Call 911!” Suddenly, the body moves.
The victim jumps up from the ground and lunges at Jozzy with a fork, screaming “Viva la rapolution!”
In a few seconds Jozzy feels the fork sinking into his side. He turns to Skittles for help, only to receive another fork in his stomach. Jozzy exclaims, “E tu Skitae? Then fall Jozzy!” as his body collapses to the floor.
Immediately after Jozzy’s fall, Skittles approached his fellow conspirator and congratulates him with the utmost glee, “Good job 25 Cent yo.”
25 cent mumbled, “Giddy gad do we forked that bro yo dawg.”
“Straight up homie,” said Skittles. Then they engaged in the longest, most obnoxiously elaborate handshake known to man. In fact, it took upwards of two minutes to complete. Then the conspirators took off in separate directions just before the “po-lice” showed up. The story was on the news within 45 seconds, because of the ridiculous amount of press in America.

25 cent and Skittles met up in the Rap Cave two days later. The Rap Cave is in the ghetto of New York City. After meeting they walked to their leader’s headquarters in Def Jam Records. Their leader’s name was Fluff Daddy. When they met him, they each did the obnoxiously long handshake. Five minutes they finally started their conversation. Fluff daddy opened with, “I saw the news. Jozzy, metal scum ruler of the country, is dead. Because of his death, our opponents are leaderless. Now we can begin phase 2 of our diabolical rapolution. Because we have been corrupting the youth of the nation with our rhymes of hateful cop killing racism, we now the support we need to take over New York City. The time approaches for the Age of Rap.” They all shouted together, “Viva la rapolution!”
So their plan went off without a hitch. All music media was put under their control. The thugs and gangstas, together with their leaders, the rappers, stormed city hall and laid the smack down on civilized society and social order. Even after they gained control they continued to threaten to bust a cap in people’s buttocks. As their first order of business, they decided to lay down several strict and extremely biased laws.

1. Guitars and all instruments able to make good,
wholesome music are outlawed.

2. Everyone must own a minimum of 12 recent rap
cd’s.

3. Nobody is allowed to speak with proper
grammar.

4. Everyone must use urban slang in excess.

5. Everyone is equal, but non-rappers are less
equal.

6. Everyone must wear bling bling at all times,
even while bathing.

7. The rims and hydraulics of the car are now
more important than the car itself.


To further influence the public, several bulletin boards, television commercials, and other forms of propaganda were displayed prominently for the public to see. In addition to that, Skittles, 25 Cent, and Fluff Daddy’s portraits were put up everywhere.
It didn’t take long before Fluff Daddy died from an overdose of drugs, or as the rappers would call them, “natural causes.” This led to a power struggle between Skittles and 25 Cent. Right before he died, Fluff Daddy asked his gangsta assistant to make sure skittles succeeded him. However, as 25 Cent was also in the room, this wasn’t going to happen. 25 Cent pulled a 9mm on them both, and shot the assistant until he was dead. This was easily written off, because since the rappers had taken over it had become quite normal for people to “disappear” without an apparent reason.
Skittles ended up losing the power struggle for two reasons. One was that 25 Cent had many more supporters than him, and the other was he was “different” in ways he could not control. No matter how much he tried, he could not be the same, even though his difference was only skin deep.
Skittles fled to Ireland, where he would be accepted more. He remained there until he got stabbed in the back with a pickaxe. Apparently 25 Cent had sent his secret police, H Unit, to take care of him. 25 Cent was a man known for his ruthlessness.
After 25 Cent came to power he started to crack down on people who didn’t agree with his ideas, and even some that did. One of the first former rock-rap bands to be eliminated was Limp Bun.
After the massive purges of anyone who liked to listen to anything other than rap, 25 Cent enacted several harsh laws. These laws replaced the original Seven Laws of Rap, and were even more strict and biased. The most important points of rap-ism were translated into three laws:

1. Anyone caught listening to, singing, or even
humming anything other than rap will have
a cap busted in their buttocks on the spot... yo.
2. Freestyle rap is the only thing to be taught in
schools.
3. People can only drive large Cadillacs.

This led to the people being less satisfied with their country than when metal was the reigning music genre of choice among the youth. People started to realize that maybe they misunderstood what metal had stood for. One person decided to express this sentiment. This man was Bob Zombie. Bob Zombie had survived the rock purges because he moved into movie making with his movie “House of 1000 Non-Living People.” He lived in L.A., one of the last remaining places the influence of rap had not yet reached in full. He united the people of the western United States and began a drive across the country, guitars in hand, to dethrone rap.
By 2005, half of the country was revolting against rap. This, in addition to the rap ruled U.S. being in a lukewarm war with Europe, led to the fall of rap.
The fight between rap and rock made its way to Chicago. Everyone realized that it was there that the final battle would be fought. So instead of killing lots of people, they decided the leaders of the two factions should have a lightsaber duel on the top of the Sears Tower while it was raining and flaming meteors were falling from the skies. The battle was to be televised by cameras in helicopters flying around the tower, even though they would probably be struck down by meteors or lightning.
So the day of the fight, 6-66 by the rap calendar, came. Bob Zombie and 25 Cent both skydived from spaceships onto the building. As they fell, they pulled out their lightsabers and lit them up. 25 Cent had a red one, and Bob Zombie had a technicolor one. When 25 Cent hit the top of the building he went through the ceiling into the top floor. As 25 Cent climbed back up, Bob Zombie threw his lightsaber at him. Somehow he managed to miss the massive, billboard sized body of 25 Cent. He pulled his lightsaber back using the force of metal. They then engaged in close combat. The melee lasted 666 minutes by the rap clock. For the first part of the fight, it was just lightning and meteors falling from the sky. All of a sudden it stopped, and leaves started to fall, as if it were November and the trees were taller than the Sears Tower. Then it started to snow. After there was a large amount of snow on the roof of the Sears Tower, the temperature suddenly increased to 100 degrees Fahrenheit and the snow melted. It was a very unusual day indeed. It seemed nature itself was fighting, just as music was.
After awhile Bob Zombie got tired of the epic lightsaber duel and suddenly pulled a rocket launcher out of his back pocket, shot a rocket into 25 Cent’s chest, and sends 25 cent plummeting off the side of the building. When 25 Cent hit the ground, he sent out a shockwave that demolished all the buildings within 3 miles on the rap scale. As the Sears Tower is collapsing, Bob Zombie pulled out a jet pack, conveniently located in a box next to him, strapped it on, and jetted off into the distance.

EPILOGUE

And so it came to pass that metal had stopped the tyranny of rap. This music revolution opened to door to many new types of music, including grunge and emo. Sadly the threat of bad music will never cease, as evidenced by pop-punk groups such as Complicated Plan and Bad Charlotte. Bob Zombie went on to many great things. He released several full length albums, a sequel to his movie, and a comic book series. He even came out with a CD that pulled some of the best music and music videos he made in his lifetime.

On the exact opposite side of the Earth from the Sears Tower, a small farm is plagued by a giant dark rock that came through the ground. As he is poked in the side with a pitchfork, 25 Cent opens an eye.

By Jim B. and Dave G.
formerly know as RAINING_BLOOD

User avatar
Magus
Writer Extraordinaire
Writer Extraordinaire
Posts: 10536
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:34 pm
Location: Illinois
Contact:

Post by Magus »

YES!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhh... Last year Zaworski/Meader...

User avatar
jimm2
New User
New User
Posts: 38
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:29 am
Location: illinois
Contact:

Post by jimm2 »

Magus wrote:YES!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhh... Last year Zaworski/Meader...


i just emailed it to mr z today so he can use it as an example
formerly know as RAINING_BLOOD

User avatar
Magus
Writer Extraordinaire
Writer Extraordinaire
Posts: 10536
Joined: Tue Apr 05, 2005 5:34 pm
Location: Illinois
Contact:

Post by Magus »

:lol:

You're too late though. They had there projects due today apparently.

User avatar
SchoolTheOld
Casual Poster
Casual Poster
Posts: 185
Joined: Fri Mar 03, 2006 5:46 pm
Location: NZ

Post by SchoolTheOld »

Hahaha, awesome

User avatar
Loxley
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
Posts: 938
Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:30 pm
Location: Sweden

Post by Loxley »

Greatest....story...EVER!! And a happy ending, too. :P That's great. But there is a new threat to civilization these days, when rap is destroyed - boy bands! You know...6ive, Toyzone, Slack Fleet Toys, Savage Larden, and so on... I think they're even more evil than 50...err..25 Cent. Because they don't want to take over the world, they just want to take over the girls. Man, THAT is evil if anything. Maybe I should start a metal-boyband... :roll:
Celtic - An alternate history RP

Loxley's blog

"A man must do two things in life - love women, and pay back his friends." Ryo Saeba, City Hunter

Post Reply