Ash

General fiction short stories not related to Science Fiction, Fantasy, or Horror.

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Aniolel
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Ash

Post by Aniolel »

At midnight, Stanley woke to the clamorous noise of sirens rolling past his house. Being annoyed by it, he removed him self from his bed and walked towards the window. As he walked towards his bedroom , an strange feel escaped him It felt like some one have removed his courage and replaced it with….

“What the Hell?” Stanley said, as he peered through his window. Ash fell the sky. It was winter…. And then it was not. The ash did not fall lightly. No, it was a gale of ash. Thick brown ash., and this puzzled him even more.

He want to see what caused ash to fall from the sky. All possible answers entered his mind. From a fire to an erupting volcano. However, a volcano seemed far fetch for him. Though he was only in a night robe, he slipped him self into his bathroom to change. As he did this, another alarming sound was heard. This time, however, it was more piercing and it came by the massive. Then: “This is the jackal heights Police department. We have you surrounded. Come out or we will result to force. This is your last warning.”

I have done nothing wrong, he thought. I have not committed a crime. After slipping his clothes on, he peered through his window to find only his home surrounding by cars. Police cars. But do what they say. He walked out his home.

“Are you Stanley Black?” one of them asked.

“Yes,” Stanley said, “May I ask what the hell is going on?”

“We’ll explain everything. Right now, safety is our and your concern.”

“Please take him to safe haven no..1, Mr. Grinder” one of the said.

The car that he was in was the normal police car…and then it was not. The car had no barricade between him and the driver. And, a certain atmosphere pervading in the car. What he saw next turned him his teeth grin, his complexion turn white, and his mind fill with endless answers.

The ash continued to fall from the sky, and it never stopped. Behind Stanley was Jackal Heights: an ash covered town. His home town. The town that he loved and will remember the day that ash came from the sky.

Now, he had more to worry about. The briefing with the police. The briefing that will inform what he must do to survive. The briefing that will be the most important meting he will have. If that was not enough to worry about, he also had the chance of being killed by who or what ever caused the ash. For only God can save him now.

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Bmat
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Re: Ash

Post by Bmat »

Would you like comments and suggestions? Or are you posting primarily so we can share enjoyment in your work?

Aniolel
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Re: Ash

Post by Aniolel »

all of the above: to share my work for others to enjoy, and comments and suggestions are welcomed.

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Bmat
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Re: Ash

Post by Bmat »

The basic idea is intriguing, and you have a good hook, I was drawn right in. The story progresses well.

The words and grammar need a lot of proofreading. The wrong words were used a number of times, the tenses were switched. Word endings were left off. Sometimes when we are close to a written work we know what it is supposed to say and don't see errors, so it is a good idea to back away for a while from the work and pick it up later on, cold. The errors will pop out at you then. You may want to avoid the repetition that you have in the first paragraph: Stanley walked toward the window, and then he walked toward the bedroom in the next sentence.

Good luck with your writing. :)

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