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Love Will Consume Us All

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Love Will Consume Us All

Postby dark2dalc » Wed Dec 06, 2006 9:13 pm

Are cupid’s eyes closed shut?
Does he fire his viscous bolt of lust and love aimlessly?
Or is his aim old and rusty, his arrows hitting off mark?

His arrow pierces my heart,
And so bursts my heart,
Love flowing out as blood.

It passes beyond myself,
And strikes down another,
One who is not fit to be my lover.

But when love is present,
Neither man nor woman can parry,

Love is immortal
And love will consume us all.
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Postby Talon Sinnah » Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:28 pm

Remember this, I am not into the love and happiness poems so nothing personal.

It was good in the since that it flowed easily and got your point across with out much problem. The one line I found awkward was this one:

His arrow pierces my heart,
And so bursts my heart,
Love flowing out as blood.

I think it needs to be reworded. The reason is the repetition of Heart takes away some strength of the poem. I am no poet so I do not have any lines that might be able to help.
I am the poet of the body and I am the poet of the Soul. The pleasures of heaven are with me and the pains of hell are with me. The first I graft and increase upon myself, the latter I translate into a new tongue.

-Walt Whitman-
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