random poem from the mind of me

Share your poems with our readers.

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FallenStars&Angels
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random poem from the mind of me

Post by FallenStars&Angels »

ok here's something i wrote awhile ago, i don't remember the exact inspiration, i was a having a rough time in a relationship...blahblahblah...can't think of what to call it or if it's even worth giving a title, comments and criticism greatly appreciated

There's no such thing as happiness,
When there isn't any rain,
There's no such thing as perfect love,
If there isn't any pain,
Pure silver's made of rusting gold,
And gold is made of lies,
The different sides of truth and love,
Can come as a surprise,
The candlelight can mask the words,
We really need to say,
When desperate to understand,
The inherent need to stay,
To stay someplace where nothing's left,
Where nothing comes out right,
To keep a life away from those,
You only see at night,
The rings are dented; tarnished,
But perfect in your dreams,
There's no such thing as normal,
When nothing's what it seems.

thanks if you read it at all, and if you tell me what's wrong with it and how to fix it :)

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Raye
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Post by Raye »

OOOh! i remember i think i helped you rhyme this one in chem. if you are who i think you are. . . .heh heh heh.
"Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." - Lisa Simpson

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Talon Sinnah
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Post by Talon Sinnah »

Very nice poem....reminds me somewhat of what I am going through right now but we will not go into that. Very nice though.
I am the poet of the body and I am the poet of the Soul. The pleasures of heaven are with me and the pains of hell are with me. The first I graft and increase upon myself, the latter I translate into a new tongue.

-Walt Whitman-

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FallenStars&Angels
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iGracias! (i think there's a ` in there somewhere...)

Post by FallenStars&Angels »

thank you talon sinnah, i hope stuff works out for you, whatever it is! (usually it isn't good when your life looks like one of my poems...)

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Post by Ariel »

I really enjoyed your poem FallenStars! :flower:

Talon, I too hope things work out for you and your friend.

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Post by FallenStars&Angels »

Thanks Ariel! :D glad it didn't make you run away screaming!!

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Post by Ariel »

No, as a matter of fact, I'd like to see more of your poetry as would others I'm sure. :flower:

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Post by Raye »

I'll second that! :P
"Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece." - Lisa Simpson

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Post by Neurolanis »

There's no such thing as normal,
When nothing's what it seems.


Awesome!

I enjoyed this poem, FallenStars&Angels. :D

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Post by FallenStars&Angels »

thank you! :smt043 (<that's me blushing by the way. I don't know why I'm rolling around like that, but I'm glad you like my poem!)

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Post by aldan »

I thought that your point was well-made. I just was wondering about the following lines' imagery.

"The rings are dented; tarnished,
But perfect in your dreams,"

Perhaps you could instead say "The rings are warped and tarnished" instead on the first of the two lines. It would flow a little better and you'd avoid the image of a dented ring (which would be next to impossible to do if they are - as I think you intend - finger rings) and yet still accomplish the sense of lack of care (rust might be used instead of tarnish for that) and damage to the symbols of a relationship. Something to think about...
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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Post by FallenStars&Angels »

wow :D i'd always thought that line was awkward but i've been too lazy to fix it. that's a great suggestion aldan, thank you!

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