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A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

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A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Tony » Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:46 am

Fireflies

Grey mile follows grey mile
beneath grey skies.
But see, but listen.
From the side streets
a parade streams.
Here they come,
some bearing lanterns,
some dancing, twirling,
passing by laughing, smiling.
Each one,
each woman,
each man,
each child,
leaves a kiss
as they pass,
plucking at the golden child
still held within.

Go, I whisper,
join them.
Don’t look back
I will follow.

Light and singing
fade away,
departing
like fireflies.
Fading
but shimmering still.
Always a glow
up ahead,
welcoming lights.
Earthbound stars
twinkling,
drawing each journey on
to see and touch,
to feel
these joys
these treasures
again
and
again.
Last edited by Tony on Tue Dec 24, 2013 9:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Bmat » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:29 am

Thank you. I do understand why you mentioned the pagan Christmas type feel. There are also other images that arise- houses decorated with colorful lights this time of year, and perhaps even a sky. What draws my thoughts is the urging to join and the promise of following.
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Tony » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:10 am

Yes, it's about the joining in and not going it all alone, a sort of reminder for me and maybe others.
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Bmat » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:25 pm

Yet he seems content with his alone-ness, although he is aware that he can join if he decides to?
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Tony » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:31 am

Aye
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Asp Zelazny » Sun Dec 22, 2013 1:18 pm

Not a big fan of poetry, but I've gotta say that this one is probably one of the best I've seen here IMO. The emotion is apparent, but at the same time complex. The center stanza nails it in place.

Just a minor criticism, though without any expertise: somehow the line "Fading but not extinguishing" creates a hiccough in the flow (though not in the thought) for me.
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Tony » Mon Dec 23, 2013 1:44 am

Asp Zelazny wrote:Just a minor criticism, though without any expertise: somehow the line "Fading but not extinguishing" creates a hiccough in the flow (though not in the thought) for me.



Hmm . . . how does "Fading but still sparkling" sound
or maybe "shimmering"?
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Asp Zelazny » Mon Dec 23, 2013 2:30 pm

I like either one of those, with a slight preference for shimmering.

I think it was the "not" that seemed wrong, both as a beat, and conceptually as a negative.
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Re: A sort of pagan Christmas type feel

Postby Tony » Tue Dec 24, 2013 9:26 am

Asp Zelazny wrote:I like either one of those, with a slight preference for shimmering.

I think it was the "not" that seemed wrong, both as a beat, and conceptually as a negative.


Edits in place. Thanks for the feedback.
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