Stormlight Excerpt
Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 12:27 am
This is just a very small excerpt from the Starwalker world that I am creating, I am looking for good nit-picky critisism from anyone who has an issue with something in my writing!
The stories deal with a race known as the Aerani, Elves in many ways, but reincarnated in the way I see an immortal and wise race. The books will tell the story of some of their greatest heroes and rulers, as I write from a Tolkienish angle, telling the story of the nobility and those surrounding them.
This scene is between 7 young men who have been friends since they were children. Alleasar and Elshar are twins, Princes of Ashar, and Iasir and Alair are their guards and friends. Aleshan is the second heir to the throne of Raithar, and the last of his line, unless he marries and produces an heir. His mother and sister were killed when he was a child. Kaidas and Asrien are the sons of some of his grandfather's closest advisors, the three boys have been friends since they were born pretty much. Aleshan is one of the main characters of Stormlight, as are the Twins.
Hunting
“I hate that bird!” Alleasar groused as the shrieking cry of the Tussoki bird echoed across the previously quiet glade. “It always sounds as if something is killing it very slowly!”
“Something should.” Aleshan spoke up lazily from his place beside the large fire. “It is not like anyone would miss it.”
“We would too miss it! What else has the ability to so thoroughly annoy my dear brother?” Elshar cheerfully piped in. Alleasar glared at his twin brother. As he opened his mouth to retort however, Alair intervened.
“Who has yet to share a story with us tonight?”
“I think Kaidas is the only one left.” Iasir answered.
The twins had arrived, with their friends Alair and Iasir, in Arauna four days ago, only to find Aleshan and his two closest friends planning a hunting trip. The twins promptly invited themselves along. Aleshan agreed and begged his father to allow them to stay out for a few more days than had originally been agreed upon. His father gladly consented, the longer they were away, the less time they would have to wreak havoc in the city. The seven friends had left Arauna two days before, and had been drifting since, simply relaxing and enjoying the all too rare time together. They were now nearing the edge of the great forest, and stumbling across a small glade decided to make camp early in the afternoon. The glade was perfect, a smooth green lawn sloping down to a small, crystal clear lake fed by several large streams. The bottom was soft, golden sand, dappled with the shade of the drooping old Rayan trees hanging over it. After settling their horses in, they promptly stripped and dove into the cool water. They spent the next few hours laughing and playing, enjoying being young men for once, instead of the scions of their kingdoms. Aleshan had managed to catch several large fish from the stream and had been roasting them, and the savory smell finally drew them out of the water. After eating, they settled in by the fire to tell stories. It was agreed that each would take a turn, and Kaidas was now the only one left.
After thinking for a moment, he looked at Asrien and grinned. “Has everyone heard the story of Rien’s encounter with the Gaudgen?” he asked cheerfully. Rien blushed deeply and quickly protested that everyone had heard it and Kaidas should pick another story. The twins, sensing a story with great potential for embarrassment, quickly protested. Rien dropped his head into his hands and moaned softly as Kaidas began the story. The young warrior had a flair for mimicking voices and expressions, and he put them to full use.
“ Not too long after Rien begun his first year in warriors training, Salcar, the scout master, approached him and asked for his help on a special project, claiming that Asrien was showing such aptitude in this field that Salcar felt that he should be rewarded. He explained that the rare and elusive beast, the Gaudgen, as it is known to the Hanwer people, had been sighted in the area, and he, Salcar, had been ordered by King Narshaen to capture this great creature so that the people could see it. He had a group of hunters assembled, but he needed one more to make the full quota. He claimed that there was no time to return to the barracks to find another warrior, so Asrien was to be given the honor of accompanying them. Rien, flattered, promptly forgot all of the tales of Salcar’s love of practical pranks on his novices, and agreed to go. Leaving the palace at an easy jog, they quickly reached their destination, a small clearing in the trees and Salcar turned and informed him that he was to be tied to a tree, as the Gaudgen was a curious creature, and would wish to investigate this strange creature, whereupon the hidden warriors would tranquilize it and cart it back to the city. Asrien finally became slightly suspicious, but not wishing to seem frightened, he let himself be tied up. Salcar also warned him that the beast would probably be panicked when the tranquilizer started to work, and that he should untie the knots and climb the tree behind him. After another assurance that this would not take long and was perfectly safe, the hunters faded into the surrounding trees. After standing for about twenty minutes, Rien decided that he had indeed fallen victim to one of Salcar’s infamous pranks. He decided to wait a little longer however, just in case this was legitimate. After another fourty or so minutes, he began to fiddle with the ropes, which seemed to be slightly stuck. At that moment he heard the bushes rustling loudly. Freezing, he stood stock still, watching the bushes, which were now shaking wildly, growls and grunts also issuing forth.
At this point in his rendition of Asrien’s peril, Kaidas paused for an unnecessary drink. The young men were all hanging intently on his words, except for Aleshan and Asrien, both of whom knew this story far too well. Aleshan eyed the tense looks on their faces, a smirk forming on his own, and spit a pit from the dried cherries he was eating into the flames. The pit exploded loudly, causing various yelps and exclamations from his companions, and snorts from the horses. Aleshan smirked again at the glares he received, still calmly eating the fruit as he motioned for Kaidas to continue the story. Kaidas grinned and complied.
“Suddenly, a massive black head emerged from the bushes, staring straight at Asrien, growling. Rien started working the ropes as fast as he could but the knots were stuck. At that moment, another creature stuck its head into the clearing, looking curiously at the strange black creature, which became motionless for a moment before flying off to the side to reveal a stunned Salcar, who obviously had not been counting on having the real thing show up and spoil his plan. The real Gaudgen snorted and then ambled over to Salcar, standing with his head at eye level, sniffing him curiously for a moment before beginning to thoroughly wash the stunned man’s face with its rough tongue, finally knocking Salcar onto his backside. Rien’s jaw dropped as he watched Salcar’s companions laughing hysterically at their leader, who was now flat on the ground with the huge creature still licking him.
“ After Rien was untied, Salcar claimed that that had been his plan all along, although obviously no one believed him.”
“What happened to the Gaudgen?” Alair queried.
“It followed us back to the city, no ropes or tranquilizer required. It still roams the area, the children love it. We couldn’t get rid of it if we wanted to, the thing is insanely fat and lazy. And Salcar still glares most entertainingly whenever anyone mentions the beast! Even King Narshaen will not let it fall into the past, he brings it up somehow almost every conversation.”
The companions laughed and teased Asrien for a while before settling down for the night.
The stories deal with a race known as the Aerani, Elves in many ways, but reincarnated in the way I see an immortal and wise race. The books will tell the story of some of their greatest heroes and rulers, as I write from a Tolkienish angle, telling the story of the nobility and those surrounding them.
This scene is between 7 young men who have been friends since they were children. Alleasar and Elshar are twins, Princes of Ashar, and Iasir and Alair are their guards and friends. Aleshan is the second heir to the throne of Raithar, and the last of his line, unless he marries and produces an heir. His mother and sister were killed when he was a child. Kaidas and Asrien are the sons of some of his grandfather's closest advisors, the three boys have been friends since they were born pretty much. Aleshan is one of the main characters of Stormlight, as are the Twins.
Hunting
“I hate that bird!” Alleasar groused as the shrieking cry of the Tussoki bird echoed across the previously quiet glade. “It always sounds as if something is killing it very slowly!”
“Something should.” Aleshan spoke up lazily from his place beside the large fire. “It is not like anyone would miss it.”
“We would too miss it! What else has the ability to so thoroughly annoy my dear brother?” Elshar cheerfully piped in. Alleasar glared at his twin brother. As he opened his mouth to retort however, Alair intervened.
“Who has yet to share a story with us tonight?”
“I think Kaidas is the only one left.” Iasir answered.
The twins had arrived, with their friends Alair and Iasir, in Arauna four days ago, only to find Aleshan and his two closest friends planning a hunting trip. The twins promptly invited themselves along. Aleshan agreed and begged his father to allow them to stay out for a few more days than had originally been agreed upon. His father gladly consented, the longer they were away, the less time they would have to wreak havoc in the city. The seven friends had left Arauna two days before, and had been drifting since, simply relaxing and enjoying the all too rare time together. They were now nearing the edge of the great forest, and stumbling across a small glade decided to make camp early in the afternoon. The glade was perfect, a smooth green lawn sloping down to a small, crystal clear lake fed by several large streams. The bottom was soft, golden sand, dappled with the shade of the drooping old Rayan trees hanging over it. After settling their horses in, they promptly stripped and dove into the cool water. They spent the next few hours laughing and playing, enjoying being young men for once, instead of the scions of their kingdoms. Aleshan had managed to catch several large fish from the stream and had been roasting them, and the savory smell finally drew them out of the water. After eating, they settled in by the fire to tell stories. It was agreed that each would take a turn, and Kaidas was now the only one left.
After thinking for a moment, he looked at Asrien and grinned. “Has everyone heard the story of Rien’s encounter with the Gaudgen?” he asked cheerfully. Rien blushed deeply and quickly protested that everyone had heard it and Kaidas should pick another story. The twins, sensing a story with great potential for embarrassment, quickly protested. Rien dropped his head into his hands and moaned softly as Kaidas began the story. The young warrior had a flair for mimicking voices and expressions, and he put them to full use.
“ Not too long after Rien begun his first year in warriors training, Salcar, the scout master, approached him and asked for his help on a special project, claiming that Asrien was showing such aptitude in this field that Salcar felt that he should be rewarded. He explained that the rare and elusive beast, the Gaudgen, as it is known to the Hanwer people, had been sighted in the area, and he, Salcar, had been ordered by King Narshaen to capture this great creature so that the people could see it. He had a group of hunters assembled, but he needed one more to make the full quota. He claimed that there was no time to return to the barracks to find another warrior, so Asrien was to be given the honor of accompanying them. Rien, flattered, promptly forgot all of the tales of Salcar’s love of practical pranks on his novices, and agreed to go. Leaving the palace at an easy jog, they quickly reached their destination, a small clearing in the trees and Salcar turned and informed him that he was to be tied to a tree, as the Gaudgen was a curious creature, and would wish to investigate this strange creature, whereupon the hidden warriors would tranquilize it and cart it back to the city. Asrien finally became slightly suspicious, but not wishing to seem frightened, he let himself be tied up. Salcar also warned him that the beast would probably be panicked when the tranquilizer started to work, and that he should untie the knots and climb the tree behind him. After another assurance that this would not take long and was perfectly safe, the hunters faded into the surrounding trees. After standing for about twenty minutes, Rien decided that he had indeed fallen victim to one of Salcar’s infamous pranks. He decided to wait a little longer however, just in case this was legitimate. After another fourty or so minutes, he began to fiddle with the ropes, which seemed to be slightly stuck. At that moment he heard the bushes rustling loudly. Freezing, he stood stock still, watching the bushes, which were now shaking wildly, growls and grunts also issuing forth.
At this point in his rendition of Asrien’s peril, Kaidas paused for an unnecessary drink. The young men were all hanging intently on his words, except for Aleshan and Asrien, both of whom knew this story far too well. Aleshan eyed the tense looks on their faces, a smirk forming on his own, and spit a pit from the dried cherries he was eating into the flames. The pit exploded loudly, causing various yelps and exclamations from his companions, and snorts from the horses. Aleshan smirked again at the glares he received, still calmly eating the fruit as he motioned for Kaidas to continue the story. Kaidas grinned and complied.
“Suddenly, a massive black head emerged from the bushes, staring straight at Asrien, growling. Rien started working the ropes as fast as he could but the knots were stuck. At that moment, another creature stuck its head into the clearing, looking curiously at the strange black creature, which became motionless for a moment before flying off to the side to reveal a stunned Salcar, who obviously had not been counting on having the real thing show up and spoil his plan. The real Gaudgen snorted and then ambled over to Salcar, standing with his head at eye level, sniffing him curiously for a moment before beginning to thoroughly wash the stunned man’s face with its rough tongue, finally knocking Salcar onto his backside. Rien’s jaw dropped as he watched Salcar’s companions laughing hysterically at their leader, who was now flat on the ground with the huge creature still licking him.
“ After Rien was untied, Salcar claimed that that had been his plan all along, although obviously no one believed him.”
“What happened to the Gaudgen?” Alair queried.
“It followed us back to the city, no ropes or tranquilizer required. It still roams the area, the children love it. We couldn’t get rid of it if we wanted to, the thing is insanely fat and lazy. And Salcar still glares most entertainingly whenever anyone mentions the beast! Even King Narshaen will not let it fall into the past, he brings it up somehow almost every conversation.”
The companions laughed and teased Asrien for a while before settling down for the night.
