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I'm looking for a query critique

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I'm looking for a query critique

Postby kingbtd » Sat Aug 13, 2016 2:38 am

Hello, I'm a new member and I'm looking for some input. I am also interested in providing input for others, but it doesn't seem there are too many recent posts. But I will keep my eyes peeled. Cheers, keith

Summary of the book or what might be considered a query for "Chum Chum Chronicles. The Unnatural Materialization of Jane." Feel free to offer some suggestions or criticisms in regards to content, grammar, syntax, etc., etc.. There's a link somewhere on this site (in another forum) for the book. The book is free.


Chum Chum Chronicles: The Unnatural Materialization of Jane is the first book in an eventual series of three, and is about Chum Chum the Squirrel, a chrononaut (time traveler) from an advanced Ancient Squirrel Society (ASS) that once dominated humans (chimps) and the globe some thirty-five thousand year ago until aliens came and hunted his as well as other species into, what we chimps have come to refer to as, the Pleistocene extinction. Having the ability to see things yet to come, the ASS knew that the chimps self-destructive habits would eventually cause the Earth to heat up; thus allowing the ASS the ability to know when the chrononuats buried deep within the permafrost of Siberia would thaw: Chum Chum was sent along with an army of chrononauts into the future to reclaim the planet.

The story is set in real time, and the chrononauts’ mission (after they all wake) is to release a deadly-to-chimps ancient virus cleverly hidden within their nuts (chrononauts’ First Strike Rations or FSRs), with the intent of eradicating chimpkind and, consequently, stopping the chimpmade destruction of the environment. Squirrels would, once again, rule supreme over the world.

As fate would have it, Chum Chum was accidentally awoken from his cryogenic state four years too early by a geological research team in Siberia, and he became, while awaiting the arrival of his fellow chrononauts, a standup comedian, and, having indulged himself for three and a half years in chimp lifestyle, feelings of doubts developed in regards to the integrity of his mission.

The story begins in a comedy club in Denver, and after having finished his routine, Chum Chum’s best and only chimp friend is assassinated. Believing that the government has uncovered his and the other chrononauts’s mission to end chimpanity, Chum Chum is certain that the assassination of his friend was really a failed attempt on his own life and he goes on the lam. While fleeing for his life, he, a Squirrel without any bonds to chimpanity, must decide whether or not he will help or hinder, after his fellow chrononauts arrive, the destruction of chimpkind.

The story unfolds in an array of machinations: Which chimps can Chum Chum trust and the fight between chimps and Squirrels for control over the new world, one in which quantum space travel and teleportation has been realized through the hybridization of chimp and squirrel technologies, becomes the stuff forcing readers’ eyes to burn through pages.

If you like Phillip K. Dick, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, you will be entertained.
Last edited by kingbtd on Sun Aug 14, 2016 12:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby Bmat » Sat Aug 13, 2016 7:27 am

I do like all three authors, and I read your summary with interest.

(Do you mean "lam", btw?)

There is a point for me where a book becomes slapstick and where it is humorous and surprising but still serious enough about the basic idea to make me want to read it. (just my personal comment)

I like your idea of chimpanity and Squirrels. I can envision watching the clever squirrels figuring out a way to bypass the deterrents on my bird feeders and wondering if the cleverness is something from their distant ancestors. :)

We do have members stop in from time to time. I hope some stop in soon to give you some comments.
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby kingbtd » Sun Aug 14, 2016 12:24 am

Thanks for the correction and tip, Bmat. Perhaps I watched Gilligan's Island and Get Smart too many times as a kid...I like silliness. I'm not sure, though, if the book itself really centers on slapstick, but instead uses irony and comedy to lighten up some of the hard cultural, social and political criticisms being delivered in the story. I will change the query, though, and see if that alters your perception of "how" the story is being delivered.

Cheers, Keith
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby Bmat » Sun Aug 14, 2016 7:12 am

I see what you mean. :) Thank you for clarifying. (Even reading just your query I can still feel that I'll never look at the squirrels in our yard the same way.) Did you get the idea from watching how clever squirrels are?
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby kingbtd » Sun Aug 14, 2016 8:37 pm

Squirrels should be revered and worshipped. They are, after all, our superiors :) The idea was my response to the RealmWalker Publishing sci-fi novel contest. Contestants had to write a story about ancient giant viruses that were found on nuts unearthed in Siberian permafrost. Instead of the writing about the nuts and the viruses, I thought it would be better to write about the squirrel that buried them...ha! I'm not sure RealmWalker is still in business. They never announced a winner and their website has been shut down to a certain extent. But that's okay, because when I discovered the contest I only had four weeks left to write the story, and so what I'd entered definitely had a lot of grammar mistakes. Thanks for the support, Bmat!
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby Ariel » Mon Sep 12, 2016 12:29 pm

Chimpanity and squirrels. How very clever! Sounds like it would be an interesting read!
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby Bmat » Mon Sep 12, 2016 9:28 pm

kingbtd wrote:Squirrels should be revered and worshipped. They are, after all, our superiors :) The idea was my response to the RealmWalker Publishing sci-fi novel contest. Contestants had to write a story about ancient giant viruses that were found on nuts unearthed in Siberian permafrost. Instead of the writing about the nuts and the viruses, I thought it would be better to write about the squirrel that buried them...ha! I'm not sure RealmWalker is still in business. They never announced a winner and their website has been shut down to a certain extent. But that's okay, because when I discovered the contest I only had four weeks left to write the story, and so what I'd entered definitely had a lot of grammar mistakes. Thanks for the support, Bmat!


Squirrels may seem cute little rodents who dash around gathering nuts, but cross them and they can get pretty demanding, as when a squirrel climbed a friend's screen door because there was no food in the squirrel feeder. :)
I like your idea of thinking outside the box and approaching the contest from a different angle.
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby kingbtd » Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:31 pm

Thanks, Ariel and Bmat. And as for squirrels, I always liked Rocky from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon as a kid. A little bit of trivia: the voice actress who did Rocky, June Foray, is still alive. She'll be a hundred next year! Oh, the vast knowledge a person acquires while doing research for a speculative fiction book! Cheers from Dresden!
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby kingbtd » Tue Sep 13, 2016 7:31 pm

Thanks, Ariel and Bmat. And as for squirrels, I always liked Rocky from the Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon as a kid. A little bit of trivia: the voice actress who did Rocky, June Foray, is still alive. She'll be a hundred next year! Oh, the vast knowledge a person acquires while doing research for a speculative fiction book! Cheers from Dresden!
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby Ariel » Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:04 pm

Wow, I can't imagine being 100 years old! I'm 58 and lucky I've made it this long. LOL
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Re: I'm looking for a query critique

Postby kingbtd » Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:22 am

I hear ya! I'll be fifty on my next birthday. Cheers!
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