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Pool Area and Trophy Display

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Of amokness and greetings of friends.

Postby Qray » Thu May 05, 2005 11:10 am

“He’s at it again, Cloney,” WildCard mumbled to the bartender. Not bothering to even look behind her.

She knew better.

“And so help me!” Q shouted to a row of empty barstools he’d set up a few feet in front of the bar. “With the help of the Fates, we’ll drive back the Visigoths before the rainy season and secure the Stolichnaya for all man kind...”

“He’s talking about Visigoths again, Cloney,” WildCard muttered and the bartender slid her a Stoli lemonade. Heavy on the Stoli.

“I don’t know,” Veneno said as she watched the rogue. “It's hard NOT to watch. It's like seeing a train wreck...and a really bad soap opera. Better than most of the stuff ya see on Fox, actually.”

“You, Mister!” Q shouted turning abruptly on one of the barstools. “You cause me to seriously doubt the successful outcome of this mission...” the rogue continued before going to the next barstool in line. “And you! Wipe that smirk off your stool, Mister!”

Placing his hand over his face in disgust at the troops, the rogue began to pace back and forth in front of the stools. “I know some of you won’t be coming back, but that’s ok. I don’t like any of you to begin with...

It was around this time that Boikat’s Transport bumped a table, which in turn bumped one of the barstools, which in turn tipped over and fell to the floor, which by an odd set of circumstances that can’t be gone into here, caused a second crack to develop in the Liberty Bell.

“Did I say you could leave formation!” the rogue suddenly yelled as he turned on the tipped over barstool. Which in it’s own defense, just laid on the floor, acting all barstoolie and such. “This is insubordination! If you don’t shape up weekend passes will be revoked for the entire company!”

Then with the sudden sound of squid impacting banner, Q spun away from the barstool that was mocking him. Planning on falling into the dreaded Armadillo Fighting Stance, the rogue instead stood unmoving for a moment with cigarette clenched between teeth as his eyes darted back and forth between the seated Boikat and the life-sized Boikat cardboard cut-out as smoke drifted up and stung at his eyes.

Boikat.

Cut-out.

Boikat.

Cut-out.

Boikat.

Cut-out.

Boikat.

Cut-out.

Boikat.

Cut-out.

Boikat.

Cut-out.

Finally tearing his eyes away, he glanced down at the prescription meds in one hand and the stoli in his other. Tossing the meds nonchalantly over his shoulder, the rogue sauntered over to the Cut-out with his hand outstretched in welcome. “Furball! It’s about time! We we’re beginning to worry! Dude, where you been?”

“Wrong one, Wonko,” WildCard muttered from the bar and the rogue, never once slowing, just adjusted his course slightly towards the Boikat on the left as he continued to voice his greeting.

“Smeg good ta see ya chummer!”
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Postby Boikat » Thu May 05, 2005 12:32 pm

Sherman, set the Way-Back machine to..."
Mr Peabody


Boikat holds a copy of his December phone bill out to Q, who sees the "total due" high-lighted..."$514.00" A spray of Stoli shot out of Q's left nostril.

"....And of course, nobody knew who racked up $170.00 in long distance collect calls from Los Vegas, Hope Arkansas, Ypsilanti Michigan, and Dallas TX. Also, nobody knew who racked up over $150.00 in "call-back" or "three-way conference" calls either." said Boikat. "'Soo..', I said, 'Well if nobody accepted these long distance calls, and nobody made these "call-backs" or "three-way conference calls", then nobody has to pay the bill, right? And nobody will miss out on the phone if it gets cut off, right?' They didn't, I didn't, and that's what happened. But that's fixed now. Virtually everything is blocked, and the account is locked so nobody but me can change it."
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Postby Merle » Thu May 05, 2005 1:41 pm

"Welcome back, furball," muttered Merle, his face swollen, with ice packs strapped to his cheeks. Then, looking a Q next to him at the bar, sipping grape juice, Merle held up his cup of pudding, and clinked it to Q's grape juice. "Ain't oral surgery a kick when you're old?"
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.
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Postby Qray » Thu May 05, 2005 8:53 pm

Have a few and relax, Talon. It's an open bar. Apparently I'm buying. Ok, not apparently...I AM buying. [Q slides Cloney a credit card he once "found" that belongs to Margo's big sister.]

I'm doing better, Merle. I had my stitches removed today. I hope you heal quickly.

Now that you mention it, BK, I recall you mentioning it. I'm glad you finally got it sorted out and I'm sorry you had to go through it. Smeg glad that your back, though.

(Q)
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Postby Boikat » Thu May 05, 2005 9:48 pm

"Glad to be back Q-miester!" said Boikat. "By the way, what's that 'thumping' noise?" Everyone stopped and listened..

"thunk!"
"Plonk!"
"Dink!"
"Thud!"

Merle looked out one of the windows, "It's Marvin. He's throwing rocks at the Bolo to make it mad at him again."

The pan dimensional, intergalactic malcontents crowded against the window and watched as Marvin continued to throw stones at the massive Bolo. The automated tank just sat there. Suddenly, it's main turret swiveled and it's main gun elevated. A mellow voice filtered through the PATD comm system. "Incoming ships. Weapon systems armed." reported KITTY.

WildCard looked at Q. "Did you honk anyone off lately?"

"Not me!" the rogue objected. "At least not that I know of."

WildCard looked at the next likely suspect. "Lastone?"

"Nope, besides, I have an alibi!" Proclaimed Lastone.

"Boikat?"

"Not me, I've been AWOL."
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Furball! I missed Ya

Postby lastone » Fri May 06, 2005 4:45 am

Lastone seeing Merle’s swollen face is once again overcome with a sense of compassion he heads off once again to that same storeroom and comes back with another stoli intravenous drip. Getting hold of Merles arm he mentions as an aside, “You know I am starting to get good at this.

“Boikat!”

“How are you? You old Furball!

“Ouch!”

“Ooops Sorry Merle!”

“Hey Not me Wildcard. Besides I have an Alibi.” Lastone looks at Boikat. “Okay so you wrote this stuff, What’s my Alibi?”

Talon well met and greeting.
"Goodbye and thanks for the fish"
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Postby Boikat » Fri May 06, 2005 11:26 am

Boikat was just about to make up an alibi for Lastone, when a small ship landed outside the PATD. KITTY had kept it's main gun trained on the ship, but had not fired. Several more ships circled like vultures above and around the PATD complex.

As the crew watched from the safety of the bar, a hatch opened and a thin man, wearing a suit and tie, neatly trimmed, carrying a small leather briefcase exited and walked towards the favorite watering hole of the merry band of "chaos lords".

Marvin saw the man, and assumed he was involved in the arriving invasion fleet, and reasoned that the armada packed at least as much fire-power as the Bolo, and started throwing rocks at him.

Thud!

"Ow!"

Smack!

"Hey! Stop it!"

Marvin paused, "Why don't you have your mighty armada stop me?"

Thwop!

"Don't tempt me..", breaking into a sprint, the man dashed into the bar.

Once inside, he paused, dusted most of the dust from the impact sites of several of Marvin's rocks off his jacket, then looked around and said, "I'm special agent.... Smith... from the pan-galactic ATF. You are all in big trouble".

"I just got here!" protested Talon. The thin man shot a glance in his direction. "Guilt by association, fella. By the way, do you have a permit for that sword?." Not waiting for an answer he turn slightly and walked over to Q

"You! An entire planet with a base composition of Stoli! Paid the taxes on that, have you?"

"Er, No?"

Then the man turned to Boikat. Modifying a Sardine Machine Gun to fire squid is a federal offense, or didn't you know that?"

"Um, No?"

Then the man turned and took in the others with needle sharp eyes, "And the rest of you, aiding and abetting. I ought to have the whole lot of you slapped in chains and hauled off to a nice prison planet in the Capricorn sector!"

Lastone whispered to Q, "I smell a deal in the making.."

Q looked at LO, and said, "Me too, but at first I thought it was Boikat's cat-box..."

"Hey!" protested Boikat.

The man with the satchel turned, "But I won't, at least not yet. It's come to our attention that you lot seem to have the uncanny ability to pull off some of the most difficult and hopeless missions, yet manage to escape with your hides intact, so you may be of use.."

WildCard cleared her throat, "Ahem, 'Smith'..."

"That's 'Jones', to you, miss."

WildCard counted to three, "Whatever. Cut to the chase."

"We need you to... obtain, shall we say... by any means needed, a certain article we've located in Vorlon Space."

There was dead silence. Then everyone started laughing.

"Vorlon Space! Whooo Hah!"

"Nobody that enters Vorlon space comes back! What a riot!"

Qray almost fell over, whether from laughing of loss of equilibrium due to the mixture of Stoli and medication, nobody knows. "That whole sector is a booby-trap! Only a ship full escapee's from an insane asylum would... Oh oh."

The thin man only smiled.

"Now wait a minute" said Boikat. You aren't serious, are you?"

Ne man only nodded. "As the ancient saying goes, 'If you choose to accept this mission, well, then no harm no foul. On the other hand, I have twelve heavy cruisers ready to evaporate you little watering hole here, and around 'Bob', the illegal Stoli planet, a prototype planet killer, all ready for it's first test run. Do we have a deal?"

Q went pale. "I'm In."

LO looked around, "Evaporate the PATD! When do we leave?"

"Hey, like, y'know, sure, like why not, Mr Jones?" Boikat squeaked out.

"Johnson." Said the man. He looked around at the rest of the denizens of the room, and seeing no one appeared to object, said, "Good. Be ready to go tomorrow. I will leave you with this outline of the mission. The final details and directions will be provided when you reach the boarder of Vorlon Space. Be ready or, 'Boom. Boom boom. Boom', is that clear? Oh, and you might want to bring that old Bolo unit with you, but leave that annoying little robot behind."

The man took a folder from his briefcase, and laid it on the bar in front of Cloney, then turned and walked out of the PATD, and walked towards his ship. Marvin started to throw more rocks at him. Dodging most of them, he jumped back into his ship, which rose silently and joined the rest of the fleet.
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Ahhh! Bk, I noticed you don't have an Avater

Postby lastone » Fri May 06, 2005 5:55 pm

See what you can do with this if you want?

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"Goodbye and thanks for the fish"
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ACK

Postby Qray » Fri May 06, 2005 6:07 pm

I still like this one, LO. :twisted:

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FWEEEEW!

Postby Qray » Fri May 06, 2005 7:00 pm

Then again, considering the near toxic state of his litter box, maybe he should choose a "Bucky" avatar. :twisted:

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Of senators and tea

Postby Qray » Fri May 06, 2005 8:31 pm

“In all it’s incarnations, the PATD has been a place of rest and relaxation. Contemplation and cogitation. However as with all places of it’s kind, there came a day when the inhabitants of the PATD had to deal with those who thought that the PATD’s idea of merriment and free thought was improper [see footnote denoting entry on “Soccer Mom’s attempted Disney-fication of the Universe.] Hence the PATD was armed, re-armed, and further armed. Making it the fourth most heavily armed party spot in the universe. Right after the floating party floating around Fingros V, the galactic headquarters of Madame Twitchies House of Whips and Giggles on Mars, and the Republican National Convention...”
-Excerpt on the Pool Area and Trophy Display from the “History of the Universe, Book Five."


Q was...miffed.

“No way! I finally hit it big...I mean, my own planet, that’s pretty smegging big! Now I can’t afford to live on it...TAXES!?!?!?” the man yelled to no one in particular as he stared at the government receipt the ATF agent had left him. “Man, I’m going to have to have a SERIOUS talk with Slartibarfast...building me a TAXABLE planet!?!?!”

“Well,” WildCard said. Turning away from the pitiful display that was Q. “What are we going to do?”

Lastone had a sudden thought. “Wait a minute. When did the PATD ever become part of the Pan? Do they even have jurisdiction over us?”

“Hey, it’s all PAN nowadays,” Q raged as he threw his hands up in the air. “Pan galactic this...Pan galactic that...pan, pan, pan, pan, pan, pan...”

Veneno smacked Q in the back of the head.

“Thanks,” the rogue said. “I think I got stuck there for a minute.”

“The PATD IS pretty heavily armed,” Nomad interjected.

“Yeeeeah!” Q said as his eyes suddenly went maniacal. “Turn on the defense grid and get every fighter we’ve got into the air! Tax me will they!”

WildCard placed her hand on her sometimes cousin’s shoulder. “Easy big shooter.”

Boikat saw the banner twitch and suddenly fired off another squid at it. “Yeah, us against the entire Pan Galactic Navy. Sounds like a long shot.”

Q was beyond reasoning with. “I don’t care. Do I have a representative in the Pan Galactic Senete? Noooo! Planet Bob is not represented. That’s taxation without representation! I say we find the nearest bay and dump some tea into it!”

“You COULD be your own Pan Galactic Senator,” Veneno suggested. “I think you’d get elected. Bob’s got a population of one.”

Q was skeptical. “I don’t know. Would I vote for me? I mean, do I have my best interests in mind? Not to mention I’m kind of a shady character. I don’t know if I’d want someone with such a lack of moral character representing me. Then again, it could be the start of something big. Become a senator, work my way up to chair a committee. Who knows, maybe one day even President of the Pan Galactic realm!”

“Yeah,” muttered WildCard. “You could have the second head and third arm put back on.”

Q waved her off. “No, best to make a stand now. I say we fight.”

“Uh, Q,” Nomad now tried to intercede. “Even if the PATD could repel a Pan Galactic Navy assault, Planet Bob isn’t armed. It has no defenses.”

With ice-pack still held against his face, Merle nodded his agreement.

“Yeah, your right, Nomad. Merle especially makes a pretty convincing argument. Smeg, no auto parts stores and no armaments...what kind of second rate planet did Slarti pawn off on me.” the rogue mumbled then suddenly ran to the door leading out to the space docks to shout at the departing ATF ship...

“I’M BRINGING THE ROBOT!”
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Postby Boikat » Sat May 07, 2005 5:24 am

While Q was going on about taxes, Boikat went to the bar and opened the folder the agent had left. The instructions were simple,

"Be at galactic co-ordinates 00.00, 45.18, 87.95 by 1600 GST."

"If we are supposed to take KITTY, we're going to need the Kirin..."

Q had just finished with "I'M BRINGING THE ROBOT!" and heard Boikat's mention the heavy lift transport. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a key-fob, and mashed one of the buttons. "The Kirin is on it's way. Now, the thing to do now is to figure out how to pull this off and end up running the show..."

"You mean take over the pan-dimensional intergalactic..." started WildCard.

Lastone smiled, "Sounds good. After all, if we let them keep running the show, they may also bring up the casino, and I'd have to pay taxes on that!"

Veneno wasn't even remotely convinced. "Just how do you figure on pulling that off?"

"Well," said Q, "the rant on taxes was a ruse. While I was ranting, I was thinking. 'What could they want from Vorlon Space that would be so important that they'd want to get it, and at the same time be so desperate as to want to send *us* in after it?"

"Or maybe it's just something they had a whim about, and we are expendable." said Boikat.

"Oh, what a gloomy Gus *you* are!" said Q. "No, it must be something big, and I mean really big, and so big, they really want it, whatever it is! Now if it's that important, it must pack some hellacious mo-jo, and if that's the case, and we 'obtain' it, they why would we want to hand it over to them?"

"Because if we didn't, they might vaporize Bob, the PATD, the casino, and then they would still hit us all with a hefty tax bill?"

Q considered for a second. "True, but with 'IT' in our pocket, would they dare?"

"But we don't even know what 'it' is yet" said Merle, "It could be nothing more than a prototype Vorlon food processor..."

"Or not!" protested Q. "Look, guys, this could be a really big thing. I mean, after all, Bob is on the line here!"

"And the PATD, and the tax free status of the Casino!"

"That too!" said Q. But look, if we don't go, we'll never know!"

About that time everyone felt, rather than heard, a deep rumble. Looking out the window again, Merle remarked, "It's the Karin."

Q stood up, reached behind the bar, pulled out a bottle of Stoli and a large fluffy bath towel, which he rolled up neatly and slung over his shoulder. "It's settled, let's go and don't forget your towel!" With that, he marched off through the door, and towards the Karin. Outside, he said "Hey, Marvin!"

Marvin threw one last rock at KITTY, and turned. "What do you want?"

"What do you know about Vorlon Space?"

"Everything that is important to know about Vorlon Space."

"Good! That's where we're going."

"What's this 'we' stuff, human?"

"You're coming too." said Q.

"Why?"

"We need a guide, and you just said you knew everything that was important to know about Villon Space."

Marvin gave a robotic sign of resignation. "Oh, Okay.", and trudged towards the Karin.

Meanwhile, Boikat issued a command code to KITTY, and the massive tank brought it's systems to full battle ready, and it lumbered forward into the waiting cargo hatch of the Karin.

Veneno was one of the last to leave the bar, and looked at Talon, who was wondering why the bar keeper had placed a towel in front of him.

"You in, or you gonna hold down the fort?"
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