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Bears Motorhome Trip

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Bears Motorhome Trip

Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:05 pm

Copy and paste from Hostboard. Angry Bear (Merle), Bmat the Minbari Bear, Sammy Bear (Nomad), and Cranky Bear (CosmicThing) took off on a trip in a rusty old Winnebago in search of their "relatibs" in Yellowstone. Unfortunately, we never got the story finished, but here it is.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:11 pm

Message: A roar is heard in the PATD
Author: - Angry Bear
Date: Aug 29, 2000 11:52


But it wasn't Angry's usual anti-troll roar. In fact, this wasn't even a bear roar. It was rather uneven, and accompanied by billowing black smoke, as a vehicle pulled into the parking area near the pool.

[center]Image[/center]

Angry hopped out of the driver's seat and loped over to find Sammy, to help load up the kegs. Cranky and Merley watched with varying degrees of interest from the hot tub. "Now what're dey up to?" Wondered Cranky. "Ise didn't eben know det Angry know'd how ta drive!"

Merley didn't comment, wondering if somehow a lawsuit could be filed out of all of this ......

"Oh, Crank! Is youse comin wid us?" Cranky turned to see Bmat the Minbari Bear, small suitcase in hand, heading toward the newly arrived RV.

"Um, where's youse goin', Bmat?"

"We's goin' ta Yellowstone park ta visit our relatibs! Don't youse remember? We's talked about dis last week."

"Oh!" Cranky remembered. Yes she wanted to go! "Um, yeah, I'se be right dere! Um, don't leabe widdout me, okay?" She turned to Merley. "Um, sorry, um, I'se gots ta go. It's been real fun. Um, see youse later?"

Merley didn't know whether to be relieved or have his feelings hurt. "Well, of course I'll see youse, er you, later, Cranky. Why wouldn't I? And just where are you going?"

"Didn't youse just hear Bmat?" Honestly, this lawyer bear could be pretty stupid. "We's goin' ta visit our relatibs in Yellowstone. I gots ta pack now!"

Bmat jumped out of the tub. "Incoming!" Screamed Merle, as he an Nommy dove behind the bar, ducking with Cloney as Cranky shook the water from her fur. "That was close!" Remarked Nommy.

Sammy came out from the back room, rolling a keg of Sam Adams Summer Wheat, followed by Angry with a keg of Boston Ale.

"Um, Sammy? What we drink tomorrow?"

Sammy looked at Angry. "Youse right, Angry, we's better get some more kegs." The two loaded their kegs into the Winnebago and headed back to the store room. The look in Cloney's eyes said he could see his profits for the week disappearing. He looked at Merle disparingly.

"Hey," said Merle. "You're the one who told them they could work for all the Sammies they could drink. You shoulda known those two bears can REALLY put away the beer!" Cloney looked mournful. Merle giggled.

"Don't worry, Cloney, we'll pay for them, just like always," offered Nommy with a grin. Cloney was only fun when he looked like he was being tortured.

Meanwhile, Angry and Sammy were rolling out their third keg each. "OK, boys, that's enough. Remember, no drinking and driving, OK?" Warned Merle.

"Don't worry Merle," said Angry, a goofy grin on his face. "We only drink after we stop." Merle nodded.

"Good boy, Angry." He leaned close to Nomad. "Can we trust them on that?" Nommy shrugged.

Cranky came bustling back in, a small suitcase in her hand, and went up to the door of the Winnebago. Opening it, she went inside, returning quickly. "Dere ain't no room fer my suitcase. Too much beer in dere." She glared at Sammy and Angry. The two decided right away to put the kegs up on the roof of the RV, and began hauling them up there. "Hmph!" Snorted Cranky. In short order Sammy and Angry had the kegs loaded up and tied down.

"OK, ebberbody, we's ready ta leave now!" Shouted Bmat, in a not so serene way. She was too excited about the trip to remember her Minbari serenity.

Angry hopped in the driver's seat, with Sammy riding shotgun. Cranky and Bmat squeezed themselves behind the table at the back of the camper, and Angry fired up the engine.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:12 pm

Message: And awaaaaay they go!!
Author: Bmat the Minbari Bear - Bmat Curie
Date: Aug 29, 2000 16:29
Cranky and Bmat the Minbari Bear are thrown against the wall of the RV when Angry turned a sharp left pulling out of the driveway.
Cranky: Hey!!!!! Watch it will youse!!! You made me bump my elbow!!! Owwie!!!! She rubbed her elbow.
Bmat the Minbari bear muttered Peace, calm...Now Cranky at least we's movin's along now. I hopes you knows how ta drive one o' these things, Angry!!!
Sammy grinned over at angry: Hehehee- Back seat drivers. hooohooohooo.
Cranky: What's dat he said???grrrrrr
Bmat pretended to meditate.
The RV drove smoothly down the road and onto the main highway. Affer a while Sammy put his seat in reclining position and hunkered down for a litttle nap.
Cranky: Heyy!!!! It's too hot in here- led's have some air condishunin"!!
Bewildered, Angry pulled the RV off the road and into a rest stop.
Bmat: Wut's we stoppin' for?
Angry: Angry not know how to operate air condishunin'. Angry gonna try punchin buttons.
Bmat realized it was a good idea that Angry stopped the RV when she saw his big clumsy paws poking at the controls. The windows got washed, the radio blared on waking Sammy, the lights went on and off, but still no air conditioning.
Cranky yelled out Hey!!! Whyn't youse check da owner's manual?!
Angry and the bleary-eyed Sammy glanced at each other and blinked blankly. Then Angry went back to poking buttons joined by Sammy now.
Bmat the Minbari bear calling up some ancient Minbari survival instinct refrained from commenting but instead heaved herself up from the tight fit behind the little table. C'mon Cranky....led's use the little bear's room at this rest stop while the guys are...ummm...tryin' ta find da button.
She moved up to the front of the RV and deftly removed the key from the ignition. {Jussst in case.}
Angry: Why Bmat take key?
Bmat smiled and said Oh jus' so it doesn't get knocked out an hit da floor an get lost while youse are so busy!
Cranky and Bmat the Minbari Bear go get cleaned up.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:13 pm

Message: This is hard work , Angry
Author: - Sammy Bear
Date: Aug 29, 2000 17:05
Sammy bear finally found the button under Angrys lert paw. He had it covered the whole time. Sammy hit the switch and a full force of Hot air came billowing out.

"I guess its gotta get going a while 'fore it gets cold, Angry. Thjis sure was hard work pushin all dem buttons. Time for a break."

Sammy and Angry both look at eachother and grin that evil bear (or is that beer) grin.

Hey angry.....hold on...I got an idea before we left...I wanna see if it works.

Sammy reached back behind him and pulled a large clear tube with a nozzle down and handed it to Angry...then pulled down another one for himself.

"OK Angry..open you jaws real wide." Sammy steps up and turns a lever in the control panel behind him and out opurs some Frosty Sam Adams right into Angrys mouth. He then does the same for himself. You could actually see the bears stomaches filling up. Within 10 minutes, the bears had their fill. They finished off 2 kegs in 1 10 minute sitting.

Boy, Shammy...I shure wash thirshty. Thank the beer gods we brought more than 2 kegs.

"Hey Angery, whny you talkin funny? Anyway, yeah...but weve only gone a hundred miles....we have a thousand more to go. Hmmm...I has an idea....."

Sammy sticks his nose out the window and sniffs...."OK Angry.... when we leaves...go this way..(The sign says Boston).
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:14 pm

Message: When the lady bears get back to the RV
Author: Bmat the Minbari Bear - Bmat Curie
Date: Aug 29, 2000 17:27
The first thing they notice is the two empty beer kegs by the door. The second thing is two soused bears lying back, tongues lolling out, snoring.
Bmat the Minbari Bear rolls her eyes- Oh good grief- luk at those two!!! Here Cranky- gib me a hand an we'll pile 'em in the back an we'll do the drivin'!
With great pullings and heavings the two bears dragged the guys and plunked them down in the back. Then Bmat the Bear plopped herself down in the driver's seat and stretched her fingers.
Ledsee- Where's da key- oh yeah I has it.
Cranky: Ummmm- youse sure you can drive one of these things?
Bmat: Welllll- no zackerly- but how hard can it be?
She put the gear in back up and slowly backed the RV so that she could get a better aim on the road. She heard a slight crunch, shrugged, and put the gear back in drive.
Cranky meanwhile had located the air conditioning and set it full blast on herself.
Bmat flattened her foot on the accelerator pedal and the RV shot off like an elderly race horse.
Cranky: Huh? Is dis all da faster this think will go???
Bmat: (in a strangled voice), um....don't talk ta me - Ise gotta concentrate. With hand clamped around the steering wheel, knuckles white from the pressure, Bmat, held her breath, closed her eyes and pulled out into the traffic.
Cranky: (Muzzle white) I thought you said you could drive one o' these things.!!!
Bmat: (teeth tightly clenched, eyes big as plates) wlll- Ise drivin' it...right? sorta anyhow...
Cranky rolled her eyes and looked back enviously at the unconscious guys.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:15 pm

Message: Angry heard a buzzing in his ear.
Author: - Angry Bear
Date: Aug 29, 2000 18:57
Dimly, he thought it was a fly, and swatted at it. Then he heard it again. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ So he swatted again. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Swat! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Swat! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Swat!

Angry was getting irritated, and opened one bloodshot eye.....to find he'd been whacking Sammy in the head. And to find that it wasn't a fly, it was Sammy snoring in his ear.

"Oh, that's all it is." Angry started to settle back to sleep, when he became accutely aware that he had some business to attend to. He staggered up, and down the short hallway of the RV to the necessary room, not really noticing just yet that the boat was rocking, as it were. Opening the door, he squeezed himself in, and just managed to get the door shut. And found he couldn't get turned around. Well, he HAD to get turned around, the, um, well you know, was BEHIND him. This wouldn't do at all. Then it dawned on him to sit down. That was much much much much better. He'd had a lot of beer, you know.

A few minutes later, Angry washed his hands, er paws, in the small sink, and went to open the door.

"Oof! Door hit Angry in the tummy!" He tried again, same result. So he tried getting behind the door. Well, he didn't get hit in the tummy, but now he was behind the door, and couldn't get around it. "Hmm, try again." He closed the door and studied the situation. Somehow, he had to be able to get the door open, without it running into him, but still be able to get out.

After some long thought, he went to the other side, and tried again. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his tummy out of the way to open the door. "Angry stuck!"

Then a positively brilliant idea struck him. He looked up. Maybe if Angry get up over door, door open, Angry drop down and get out! Angry grinned to himself at how clever he was, and climbed up on the toilet. He found if he put his feet on one wall, and his paws on the other, he was strong enough to hold himself up above the door. The problem he soon discovered was that he couldn't take one paw down to open the door now. "Angry still stuck." He tried to get down, but discovered that he couldn't move either his paws or his feet without feeling like he would fall. "Hm, Angry get up. Why can't Angry get down?"

Meanwhile, Cranky was staring wild eyed at all the cars whizzing by the RV, then staring wild eyed at Bmat who was staring alternately wild eyed at all the cars whizzing by the RV and staring wild eyed at Cranky. All the fear had take it's toll on Cranky's bladder. "Um, Bmat, I'se gots ta use da liddle bears room again." The thought of getting out of the seat terrified her more than anything, though.

"Um, me too, Cranky! We'se gots ta stop dis thing right now!"

"Bmat don't stop here-" Too late! Bmat had already stomped her foot on the break, bringing the hurtling RV to a sudden stop in the middle of I-70. Accompanied by, in no particular order, crashing of dishes, pots, pans and various and sundry other items that came flying out of the Winnebago's cabinets, a soft "shloomp!" as the still snoring Sammy slid all the way up between the two girls, various honking of horns and angry shouts (accompanied by hand gestures Bmat didn' understand), and a loud unidentified WHUMP! followed by a familiar voice saying, "Ouch!"

Bmat sprang from the driver's seat, leapt nimbly over Sammy and raced for the bathroom, followed closely by Cranky, who realized that Bmat was trying to beat her, and she really couldn't afford to wait. Bmat got there first and pushed on the door with her full speed. Splat! The door opened only slightly, and with just a little give behind it. Wham! Cranky crashed into Bmat.

"Ouch!" Said a familiar voice. "Uh, oh, now what's we'se gonna do?" Said Bmat and Cranky in unison. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, said Sammy.

"Um, is dat youse in dere, Angry? We's gots ta use da liddle girls room. You done in dere?"

"Angry done. Angry stuck. Angry real stuck. Angry stuck upside down now."
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:16 pm

Message: Cranky scratched her head,
Author: - Cranky Bear
Date: Aug 30, 2000 15:18
and looked at Bmat, puzzled.

"Angry in der?", she asked.

"Umm, yep, I tink so!", answered Bmat, who was still trying to push the door open. This was causing Angry some discomfort and the two female bears heard a muffled "Oooof!!" coming from the other side of the door every so often.

"Hey der, Angry! Hurry up in deres! I gots ta go!!"

"I tink he's stuck in der, Cranky. What are wes gonna do?" Bmat tried peering in the small opening in the doorway, but found that her plastic bonecrest hindered her from getting any view of the situation, even further.

Angry's predicament suddenly dawned on Cranky. She snorted and then started to laugh. Bmat, despite all efforts to call up her Minbari training and control her rational thoughts, began to giggle also. The two bears began laughing so hard that they had to lean on each other for support or they would have ended up collapsing in laughter.

"Oh, dats funny, Bmat...Angry stuck...Upsided downs, eben!!" Cranky managed to say between bouts of uncontolled laughter.

"Ooooo! My tummy hurts!" Cranky clutched her stomach in pain. Realizing that she wasn't going to be able to go to the little bears room on the RV anytime soon, she began looking around, panicked. She noticed that there was a heavily wooded area on the other side of the highway where the RV had stopped. Running towards the door, she stopped just long enough to hop over the still sleeping Sammy Bear. Then she made a mad dash into the woods.

"A bear's gotta do what a bear's gotta do!", she muttered to herself.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:17 pm

Message: Waking up
Author: - NOMAD Galileo
Date: Aug 30, 2000 16:50
Sammy realized that they were still parked. He heard voices from the back and figured that they were all chatting.
Sammy put the RV in gear and took off down the road.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:19 pm

Message: Angry's in a fix
Author: Bmat the Minbari Bear - Bmat Curie
Date: Aug 30, 2000 17:32
"Arghhhhh" yells Bmat the Minbari Bear. "What do you thinks you is doin??!!- You has left Cranky outside back there!"

Sammy muttered to himself "I knows there is a brewery aroun here- I can smell it."

Bmat scooted her foot over and slammed on the brake. Once again there were the sounds of brakes squealing and horns and people driving by with perturbed expressions and hand gestures.

Bmat said: "Hold it!!! We needs to get Cranky before going anyplace!!!"

Resigned, Sammy obediently pulled onto the burm and backed up.

Cranky reappeared looking much more relaxed. She glared at Sammy.

Bmat: (doing a lot of hopping from side to side) "Ummm- did you just go outside?"

Cranky: (still glaring) (looking a question at Bmat): "Yeah… you got somethin' to say about that??!"

Bmat: (looking doubtful.as well as hopping from side to side): "Well I means…..outside??"

Cranky: (amused): "Bmat, Bmat, Bmat….bears do it all the time outside. …Look….You watches TV right?….You ever seen that bear with his own roll of toilet paper beside the tree?….What do you think he was doin' ?"

Bmat: (light dawning): "Ohhhhhhh, of course……that really really cute lookin' bear in the commercial *drool*….well, I is getting desperit , ummm ok- out my way……" She tore off toward the trees.

Shortly a much calmer Bmat the Minbari Bear reappeared.

Bmat: "Now we has got to get Angry outta the bathroom!"

Angry: "grunt….ommmph (weakly): Help….Angry stuck. Angry upside down."

Sammy, his beer run thwarted, hobbled over to the kitchen drawer. "Ise gots a solution!" He whipped out a can opener and headed toward the door.

Cranky: "HOLD IT!!….What hab youse got in mind!! As if I didn't know- you aren't goin' ta cut a whole though the side of the RV are youse?"

Sammy: "Youse gots a better idea?"

Angry "hellllllllppppp…"

Cranky: "sigh….get back in here Sammy- youse can't do that.."

Sammy: "oh…"

Angry: "hheeellllllllllpppppppp……."

Bmat, (having been thinking all during this exchange- a considerable effort) "Hey!!!!! Is dat a troll???!!!!!"

Kerash!!! Down came the bathroom door!! Angry did a somersault and landed in fighting position. "Where troll??!!! Grrrrrrrrrrr."

Cranky and Bmat looked at each other then back at Angry…"ummm- False alarm… sorry…umm now we needs ta find a RV repair place and get dis door fixed…"

Cranky got behind the wheel this time and the RV lurched into motion again and took the nearest exit into a likely looking town.

Angry and Sammy decided they needed to celebrate Angry's escape. They pulled out another keg.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:20 pm

Message: Repair-bear
Author: - Angry Bear
Date: Aug 30, 2000 17:56
Angry didn't want to go to a repair place. He wanted to get to Yellowstone. He also didn't want a door back on there, either. Suddenly, Angry didn't like small places anymore. He looked at the door lying in the little hall. Then he looked at the cushions on the little couch behind the table. A thought occurred to him (a rare event).

Angry pulled up one of the long cushions and went to the bathroom door. He held it up. Perfect!

He looked around at the jumble of stuff that was on the floor from Bmat's sudden stop, and fished out a hammer and some nails from the open tool kit. A few moments later, he had the cushion nailed up at the top.

"There. Better. Now Angry not get stuck in there no more."

He went up to the driver's seat. "Okay Cranky. Angry fix door. We go Yellowstone now. OK?"

Cranky craned her head around to look at the door.

"Look out!" Screamed Bmat, as Cranky veered off the road, taking out a dozen mailboxes before she got the RV under control again. "Nebber ebber take you'se eyes offa da road, Cranky!" Bmat's nerves were just about shot.

Just then, the engine coughed, sputtered, and died.

"Now what?" Wondered Bmat.

"We'se outta gas," volunteered Cranky.

"Gas?" Asked Angry.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:23 pm

Message: What's gas?
Author: - Angry Bear
Date: Aug 31, 2000 18:41
Angry had a puzzled expression on his face (a common occurrence). "What's gas, Cranky?"
Cranky clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes. "It's what makes da Winneba - GO!"

Angry scratched his head. "Nope. Long skinny pedal make it go. Little fat peddle make it stop. You put foot on litte fat peddle, Cranky?"

Sammy was nodding right along with Angry. "Yeah, he's exactly right."

Bmat looked unsure. Cranky was beginning to scowl at them. "NO! I means it's da gas what makes da engine run. If da engine don't run, da peddle don't do nuttin'! Now you'se two go find a gas station, and get some gas."

Sammy and Angry looked at each other in puzzlement. Then they looked back at Cranky. "Gas in trees like hunny? In kegs like Sammies?"

"NO! Honestly! You'se goes to da gas station. You'se gets a can o' gas, and you'se brings it back here, and puts it in da gas tank." She could see the look on their faces they still weren't getting it. She grabbed a marker and a piece of paper off the floor and wrote on it:




G A S
"Look for a sign dat says dis here, okay?"
Angry and Sammy's faces brightened at that. "Oh, yeah, we'se can read dat dere," said Sammy, and led Angry out to the road, leaving Bmat and Cranky wondering what would happen next.

So Sammy and Angry went looking for Gas. "Angry think Cranky sweet on you, Sammy."

"Nope, she's sweet on Lubber. Or maybe dat stuck up Merley."

Angry laughed. "Merley not a real bear. Merley too . . . . . Pompous."

"Pompous? Where'd you heared dat word, Angry? I'se don't know what dat means! What's dat mean, Angry?"

Angry furrowed his brow. "Angry think it means like fool."

"Huh?"

"Valen call Merley 'pompous fool' all the time. So must mean like fool."

"Oh." Suddenly Sammy stopped and sniffed the air. "You smells dat, Angry?"

Angry sniffed, then grinned at Sammy. "Angry smell! How Sammy always smell first?"

"Nommy says I'se gots a talent fer it. Follow me!"

Sure enough, there was a bar around the corner. A bar that wasn't used to talking bears walking in on their back legs. A bar that became completely panicked at seeing two talking bears walking in on their back legs. A bar that became suddenly vacant, but for the two talking bears walking in on their back legs.

Sammy and Angry went behind the bar, and helped themselves to a couple of glasses, and began downing whatever they had on tap.
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Postby Merle » Tue May 22, 2007 3:24 pm

Message: Meanwhile back at the "bego"
Author: Bmat the Minbari Bear - Bmat Curie
Date: Aug 31, 2000 19:41
Bmat the Minbari Bear and Cranky Bear are taking advantage of the quiet time to clean up the mess caused by all the sudden stops. There is a rap on the door. Cranky walks to the door and opens it.

An amazingly good-looking bear in a State Police uniform is standing there (Smoky ....Smoky the Bear....get it?? bwahahaha.) "Good afternoon, Ma'am," he says, "Do you need some assistance?"

Cranky's eyes open very wide as she takes in the officer. "ummma ummmma ummmma," she says.

Bmat the Minbari Bear looks up at Cranky's odd words and peers around Cranky to see what is going on. Her jaw drops as she takes in the amazingly good looking bear. She says "ummmma *hrmmm- peace tranquility* um.. Oh hello officer- we's run outa gas but our friends are going to get us some. Thank you though. Ummmm would youse like to come in for a glass of lemonade?"

"Well....thank you, ladies, don't mind if I do...but just for a few minutes."
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