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Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:53 am
by Trey of Diamonds


It is dark as the man stalks the woman down darkened alleyways. She looks like she might be a hooker but not too sluttish. The man is your typical street thug/rapist. They are both walking. The story is told from his point of view as he closes in on his target.


CAPTION: They are all prey to me.

The man is getting closer to the woman. He has a large knife visible in his hand. The woman has stopped and is looking in her purse.

CAPTION: So soft and weak. It is almost too easy.

The man is closing the gap, but doing it slowly, observing the woman. The knife is in hand but held down and out of the way. The woman has a pack of cigarettes from her purse.

CAPTION: Even the selection is easy. There is always one foolish enough to come to me.

The man is much closer now, the woman is still unaware of his presence although it is now hard to believe as he is so close. The woman is lighting her cigarette.

CAPTION: It still amazes me that they can be so arrogant, so superior.


The man looms behind the woman now but she still doesn’t notice. The woman is taking a drag on her cigarette.

CAPTION: Blissfully unaware of anything beyond their own existence.

The man is reaching for the woman’s shoulder. The woman’s eyes are looking to the side as if she has finally noticed that someone is there.

CAPTION: But that will change.

The man has his hand on the woman’s shoulder and is spinning her around to face him. There is a shocked look on her face as her cigarette flies out of her mouth.

CAPTION: My greatest pleasure is the look on their face when they realize their mistake.

From the woman’s point of view, a close up of the thug/rapist’s face, his expression is of shock and surprise. We can see a reflection of the woman’s face in the mans eyes.

CAPTION: When they realize that nothing is as it seems.


Splash Page. The man is lying on the ground, eyes rolled up in his head and the useless knife laying off to the side. Crouched above him is the woman, fangs bared and blood dripping from her mouth. She has ripped the man’s throat out and is now feeding on him.

CAPTION: When they realize that the hunter has become the prey.


Posted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 1:03 pm
by Talon Sinnah
Interesting Trey I liked the suspense and the turn around. Look forward to reading your others.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 11:36 am
by Poisonbabyfood
I love it I love it. Short punchy fiction, done well.

Where did you get the idea for this one?

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:01 pm
by Trey of Diamonds
Thanks guys, glad you liked it. This just evolved from my desire to write a vampire story that was very short. I was really focusing on short as I have a hard time telling a complete story in a short amount of pages. I had written several shorts but they would end up being 10 plus pages which can be hard to get in an anthology.

Posted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 3:02 pm
by Talon Sinnah
I can see your problem.