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Unexpected Tragedy (Part 2)

Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 2:50 am
by DarkFairy
Rachel's at her dead brother's side, wondering what to do, what to say to their mother.

Rachel: (crying) Oh my god, this is real.

A stranger spotted Rachel and Jonathen. He went over to see (well know) what had happened. Rachel was scared that something might happen to her.

Stranger: What's hap pend here?
Rachel: My brother was climbing over the fence and he was struck by a bolt of lightning. He was killed instantly.
Stranger: Your mother will probably be wondering where you are. I'll drive you home and explain to your mother.
Rachel: What will we do with my brother?

The stranger didn't reply, instead he picked up Jonathen and took him and Racel to his car.

Stranger: Your brother will have to come with us. We can't just leave him here.
Rachel: Thanks for helping me out.

As they were driving home something dreadful happened. The car spun out of control and crashed. Eventually it fell off a cliff and was set alight. Rachel was only just still conscious.

To Be Continued...

Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 5:55 pm
by Trey of Diamonds
Hey DarkFairy,

This is cool but it is missing some substance. You could add two or three pages and really give it some meat. I like the direction you are going though. Many action movies use this disaster to disaster formula with great success. If you wanted to look at the work you have so far as an outline for a more fleshed out story I would say you are right on track.

Take care,

Trey

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 1:22 pm
by DarkFairy
I might aswell just start part 3 as soon as possible.

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 7:46 am
by Trey of Diamonds
I'll look forward to reading it.

Take care,