Muddy Boots

A memorial tribute to the poetry of Aldan.

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aldan
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Muddy Boots

Post by aldan »

Muddy Boots


Wind blows
Whistling through bare branches
Stirring dried leaves among the roots

Cracked heart
Feels that whistling wind blow
Empty muscles feel the cold

Clouds gather
Darker still to drop their burdens
Helpful rain on muddy hillsides

Torrents fall
Drenching me in chill and wet
And driving me in muddy shoes

Toward home


This was my first one written in awhile...
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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Neurolanis
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Post by Neurolanis »

Nice little poem, Aldan! Well structured! :D

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aldan
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Post by aldan »

This one literally was written as a spur-of-the-moment project. Ariel was about me posting something and not to her, so I simply PMed a poem to her. I decided that I'd have to make a new one, so I did. It didn't require any editing on it, so either that means that it really could be trimmed up nicely or else it means that (somehow) I experienced good luck, *GASP!* well, with a poem, anyway....
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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SpookyKatie
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Post by SpookyKatie »

I'm with Neurolanis well done loved it! :D
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Hello

Post by SFNovelwriter »

I'm with the others, it was good, and well written!
Good job!!!
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Ariel
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Post by Ariel »

I enjoyed it as well. :flower:

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aldan
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Post by aldan »

I came up with a minor change for the poem. Please tell me if it works better, worse or doesn't make a difference.

Muddy Boots


Wind blows
Whistling through bare branches
Stirring dried leaves among the roots

Cracked heart
Feels that whistling wind blow
Empty muscles clench with cold

Clouds gather
Darker still to drop their burdens
Helpful rain on muddy hillsides

Torrents fall
Drenching me in chill and wet
And driving me in muddy shoes

Toward home

I changed the 'empty muscles' line to what you see above.
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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Believer
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Post by Believer »

mmmmm, I loved to poem, I think I like the first version better
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Bread Butterbeard
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Post by Bread Butterbeard »

I agree with Believer, for me the first version was the best, However it does us good to see you posting aldan!
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aldan
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Post by aldan »

I still haven't the time daily (or the personal personal computer availability) to be able to work on my poetry much, but I'm doing what I can. Thanks for the opinions. The change was one that struck me when I was thinking about alliteration, and in reading the poem, I thought of that alliterative statement, but really wasn't sure if it fit well or not (seeing as how I haven't been able to really work on my poetry in a considerable amount of time).
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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