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Muddy Boots

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 10:25 pm
by aldan
Muddy Boots


Wind blows
Whistling through bare branches
Stirring dried leaves among the roots

Cracked heart
Feels that whistling wind blow
Empty muscles feel the cold

Clouds gather
Darker still to drop their burdens
Helpful rain on muddy hillsides

Torrents fall
Drenching me in chill and wet
And driving me in muddy shoes

Toward home


This was my first one written in awhile...

PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 11:25 pm
by Neurolanis
Nice little poem, Aldan! Well structured! :D

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:59 am
by aldan
This one literally was written as a spur-of-the-moment project. Ariel was about me posting something and not to her, so I simply PMed a poem to her. I decided that I'd have to make a new one, so I did. It didn't require any editing on it, so either that means that it really could be trimmed up nicely or else it means that (somehow) I experienced good luck, *GASP!* well, with a poem, anyway....

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:32 pm
by SpookyKatie
I'm with Neurolanis well done loved it! :D

Hello

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 3:45 pm
by SFNovelwriter
I'm with the others, it was good, and well written!
Good job!!!

PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 5:12 pm
by Ariel
I enjoyed it as well. :flower:

PostPosted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 3:56 pm
by aldan
I came up with a minor change for the poem. Please tell me if it works better, worse or doesn't make a difference.

Muddy Boots


Wind blows
Whistling through bare branches
Stirring dried leaves among the roots

Cracked heart
Feels that whistling wind blow
Empty muscles clench with cold

Clouds gather
Darker still to drop their burdens
Helpful rain on muddy hillsides

Torrents fall
Drenching me in chill and wet
And driving me in muddy shoes

Toward home

I changed the 'empty muscles' line to what you see above.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 8:14 am
by Believer
mmmmm, I loved to poem, I think I like the first version better

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:07 am
by Bread Butterbeard
I agree with Believer, for me the first version was the best, However it does us good to see you posting aldan!

PostPosted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 1:45 pm
by aldan
I still haven't the time daily (or the personal personal computer availability) to be able to work on my poetry much, but I'm doing what I can. Thanks for the opinions. The change was one that struck me when I was thinking about alliteration, and in reading the poem, I thought of that alliterative statement, but really wasn't sure if it fit well or not (seeing as how I haven't been able to really work on my poetry in a considerable amount of time).