Imprisoned

A memorial tribute to the poetry of Aldan.

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aldan
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Post by aldan »

I agree with you about some of the rhyming in the poem, GE. It's a thing that I'm going to be going back over on a lot of these poems once I have the chance to do so and will begin striving to work on some of the lines to make the rhythm work better to accomplish what I wish in the poems.

Now, in this one I want it to NOT flow smoothly (to express the bumps and obstacles), and to seem a little disjointed in spots, but I also want some consistency throughout the poem as well, to maintain the impression of a single trail or way to reach the end. It'll take time that I can't spend on it right now, though, since I don't have access to a computer for more than 45 minutes total a day (or so). That will likely be changing soon, but until it does, I'm a bit stuck, since I can't take the time to study the poem to help me to decide what changes I can make to accomplish what I need to.
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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Talon Sinnah
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Post by Talon Sinnah »

Now, in this one I want it to NOT flow smoothly (to express the bumps and obstacles), and to seem a little disjointed in spots, but I also want some consistency throughout the poem as well, to maintain the impression of a single trail or way to reach the end.

This part I understand yet like my other post I do not understand the title. I personally would have picked different but in the words of a lit teacher of mine: Poetry was not meant to be understood.
I am the poet of the body and I am the poet of the Soul. The pleasures of heaven are with me and the pains of hell are with me. The first I graft and increase upon myself, the latter I translate into a new tongue.

-Walt Whitman-

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DarkFairy
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Post by DarkFairy »

Nice poem. :D
You Can fall from the sky.
You can fall from a tree.
But the best way to fall,
Is in love with me.

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clknaps
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Post by clknaps »

I liked it. As a I read it for some reason I was reminded of Frost's On Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. CLK

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