The Party

A memorial tribute to the poetry of Aldan.

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aldan
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The Party

Post by aldan »

One.

A child with a sour look,
A teen with a burning book,
A woman with a slight smile,
A man smiles a grin of guile.

Two.

The child by a toilet,
The teen with a grin,
The lady stands to dance,
The man starts to unbutton pants.

Three.

A kid asleep,
Teenager says *bleep*,
Woman eyes the pole,
And man now sees the goal.

Four.

Adolescent eyes glaze,
Her dress a pile,
His lusty smile.

Five.

Teen passed out,
Lady staggers about,
Man needs not shout.

Six.

Woman naked on the floor,
Man is looking toward the door.

Seven.

In the dark
Beside the park
A lady died
The man astride
And then he ran
To catch a tram.
Last edited by aldan on Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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aldan
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Post by aldan »

This was a new attempt at poetry for me, since I'd not written anything that IMO would qualify as such in quite some time. Please tell me what you felt worked and what did not, and if you even understood. If you're really confused by parts, let me know, and I'll spare some help as I (hopefully) can.

Am I happy with this? Should I be?
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and to appear stupid than
to open it and remove all doubt."
---Mark Twain

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Believer
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Post by Believer »

Wow, I would think you should be, very well written my friend, it kept my attention
Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage. -Ambrose Bierce-

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Talon Sinnah
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Post by Talon Sinnah »

You should be happy with it Aldan. Very well done and very easy to read and undestand.
I am the poet of the body and I am the poet of the Soul. The pleasures of heaven are with me and the pains of hell are with me. The first I graft and increase upon myself, the latter I translate into a new tongue.

-Walt Whitman-

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