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The Party

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:27 pm
by aldan

A child with a sour look,
A teen with a burning book,
A woman with a slight smile,
A man smiles a grin of guile.


The child by a toilet,
The teen with a grin,
The lady stands to dance,
The man starts to unbutton pants.


A kid asleep,
Teenager says *bleep*,
Woman eyes the pole,
And man now sees the goal.


Adolescent eyes glaze,
Her dress a pile,
His lusty smile.


Teen passed out,
Lady staggers about,
Man needs not shout.


Woman naked on the floor,
Man is looking toward the door.


In the dark
Beside the park
A lady died
The man astride
And then he ran
To catch a tram.

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:31 pm
by aldan
This was a new attempt at poetry for me, since I'd not written anything that IMO would qualify as such in quite some time. Please tell me what you felt worked and what did not, and if you even understood. If you're really confused by parts, let me know, and I'll spare some help as I (hopefully) can.

Am I happy with this? Should I be?

Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 6:02 am
by Believer
Wow, I would think you should be, very well written my friend, it kept my attention

Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 8:00 pm
by Talon Sinnah
You should be happy with it Aldan. Very well done and very easy to read and undestand.