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Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:22 am
by aldan
I leave the house
The screen door bangs
Shut in the flies
Walk down the path
Can't avoid the cracks

I step the sidewalk's center
Sunburned children's skins flake away
A father threatens his teen son
While mother works her second job
Dad leaves for the bar, the son searches rooms

Car exhaust makes me cough
A can kicked to the curb
Rolls by a rotting cat
Dead fur floating in the wind
Catches in a thistle's stickers

I clench my pocketed flipblade tightly
Walking near some 'bangers
Thumping their bass and twisting hats
Jagged cursive yelling spreads
But still I go onward

A stray bullet catches my neck.

The sun sets darkly.

Posted: Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:46 am
by Bmat
What a bleak comment on life! Well done!

(Maybe you'll want to change "trod" to "tread" to keep the tenses the same?)

Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:13 am
by aldan
Thanks for noticing the inconsistency on that, Bmat! Looking at it, though, and sounding it out in my head, 'tread' just doesn't work for me, so I think I'll go with a 'step' instead.

Posted: Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:07 pm
by Ariel
Well done indeed! :wink: