The Solitary Sailor

[talisman]

The Solitary Sailor

The dark blue sea swept with a raging roar,
Waves battering beaches along the old shore.
Winds whipped through a torrent of rain,
Spray danced the gusts; nothing was tame.

Lightning crackled through a stormy shroud,
Thunder echoed beneath impenetrable cloud.
Anger resonated with each hounding gale,
Weathered rocks tormented by the beating hail.

And o'er the swelling waves ploughed a boat.
Tossed and thrown, struggling to stay afloat.
Its crew numbers but one, a lost soul is he,
Stranded in a storm, on life's tumultuous sea.

Hope, joy and pride, the blessings of high,
Shielded from him by the storm-streaked sky.
Fear, the great Satan of the infinite deep,
Reaching out, grasping for him in his sleep.

And ever onwards, across this sea so sad,
The mariner hoists his sails, but he has no flag.
Others follow, floating aimlessly in his wake,
Meeting the same storms, fearing the same fate.

The only escape from this treacherous water,
To take hold of the wheel and life's course, alter.
Each solitary sailor has but a choice to make,
To turn the wheel, or to follow the wake.


Wrote this a few months ago. The meaning is pretty obvious really - if life's going downhill, you have a choice: to carry on or to make some kind of change and head in a new direction.

I wanted to experiment with creating atmosphere like in the 'Highwayman' by Alfred Noyes. I still think it needs some touching up, but it'll do for now.

[Ariel]

Good job!!

[Dragonfleet]

Nice!

[Neurolanis]

It's very good, Talisman!

My only complaint is th commas. I'd a trim a few back on the second half.

But very good!

[talisman]

Thanks

I do use commas a lot, I admit, but I find they provide necessary structure and rhythm to the poems I write. I'll see if any can be deleted though.

[rich31082]

I disagree completely with the comma statement, structure is most important for this style of poetry. In fact there was some little style that required a comma in every line, I forget which it is. The imagery is nice, but as you say lacks some something though I'm not sure I can identify what it is. Excellent work though, the rhyming is quite nice. I am, however, not certain if you're using a regular rhyme pattern, perhaps though you rhyme to add emphasis?