Season of Rhyme and Reason

[Humaren]

by me;

There was a time when I knew rhyme,
a place where I knew reason.
Where the summer moon lit the night,
and fairies whispered pleasing.

Where unicorns played by day,
and gnomes played by night.
A place where Dragons took to air
for naught their will to fight.

A place of peace and intellect,
of joy and pure amor.
Where anger, war and desolate
were things we did abhor.

I find myself now in a time,
tis naught of rhyme or reason.
My eternal hope is at journeys end,
I’ll rejoin them in that season.

[Bmat]

A poignant message.

I wonder what "them" is that was mentioned in the last line? (Not sure if my question is correct grammar.)

[Neurolanis]

Interesting, keep writing!

[RHFay]

Interesting piece, with some good emotion. I like the feel of the piece.

However, I'm not so sure about the last line in the first stanza. It seems to be missing something. Read as a sentence:

"Where the summer moon lit the night, and fairies whispered pleasing."

"pleasing" doesn't really work there. Maybe it should be "pleasantly" or something like that.

Also, looking at it like this, that whole sentence is really just a fragment. You might want to adjust your punctuation so it's a proper sentence. (Of course, the whole second and third stanzas are really just fragments, too.)

I've been told by at least one published poet and former editor that "proper" poetry should actually use natural order and grammatical constructon. I understand that poets might break this rule all the time (I have on occasion), but it could be a helpful rule to follow in this particular case.

In other words, your sentences should read like sentences. They can obviously be broken up between lines and even stanzas, but taken as a whole the sentences themselves should be grammatically correct.

One more small point: "tis naught" seems a bit clunky in the last stanza. It might just be me, but it seems a bit awkward.

As for the "them" in the last stanza, I take it as meaning the creatures of fancy. I personally think that part is okay.

[Humaren]

A poignant message.

I wonder what "them" is that was mentioned in the last line? (Not sure if my question is correct grammar.)

RHFay is correct "them" in fact refers to the creatures of Fantasy, Myth and Legend.

[Humaren]

Interesting, keep writing!

Thanks Nearolanis.

[Humaren]

Interesting piece, with some good emotion. I like the feel of the piece.

However, I'm not so sure about the last line in the first stanza. It seems to be missing something. Read as a sentence:

"Where the summer moon lit the night, and fairies whispered pleasing."

"pleasing" doesn't really work there. Maybe it should be "pleasantly" or something like that.

Also, looking at it like this, that whole sentence is really just a fragment. You might want to adjust your punctuation so it's a proper sentence. (Of course, the whole second and third stanzas are really just fragments, too.)

I've been told by at least one published poet and former editor that "proper" poetry should actually use natural order and grammatical constructon. I understand that poets might break this rule all the time (I have on occasion), but it could be a helpful rule to follow in this particular case.

In other words, your sentences should read like sentences. They can obviously be broken up between lines and even stanzas, but taken as a whole the sentences themselves should be grammatically correct.

One more small point: "tis naught" seems a bit clunky in the last stanza. It might just be me, but it seems a bit awkward.

As for the "them" in the last stanza, I take it as meaning the creatures of fancy. I personally think that part is okay.

Thanks for the critique RHFay. I’ll keep those pointers in mind. Over 20 years since I’ve looked at an English text book.

[Ariel]

Wonderful poem Humaren!

[Humaren]

Wonderful oem Humaren!

Thank you Ariel!

[rayjones]

A poem of endless possibility is a poem of hope and joy. Journey's sometimes end at a hill crest of imagination, peer out and dream. Ray