Search found 6 matches

by leonvr
Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:34 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Mind & Machine: Chapter 3
Replies: 4
Views: 6261

Re: Mind & Machine: Chapter 3

Actually try use all the senses; smell,taste,touch,sight and sound ( easiest ). Just pick up some really books and read the first chapter anylsing how they do it. It will help.
by leonvr
Sun Apr 10, 2011 6:27 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: The Dark Double - prologue REVISED
Replies: 5
Views: 7481

Re: The Dark Double - prologue

Thanks. I have actually changed to the third person for my book; using Robert Jordan and Sanderson as influences, as you say though that is difficult. I have left some stuff in the first person: the story that get's read, and some letters. I have rewritten it now, as its just was not anyway near goo...
by leonvr
Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:25 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: Mind & Machine: Chapter 3
Replies: 4
Views: 6261

Re: Mind & Machine: Chapter 3

The suspense in the story is good and it keeps your interest well. The only thing is that its seems like you listening to a movie and not watching it. So you can't quite get the whole movie if you see what I mean. There is not enough there for you to imagine the scene. I agree with the comment above...
by leonvr
Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:20 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: The Dark Double - prologue REVISED
Replies: 5
Views: 7481

Re: The Dark Double - prologue

Thanks for your commennt. The first person thing is a conundrum I am not averse to changing mainly because writing from the first person in four different aspects is proving extremely hard to do as I have to vary the style of writing to reflect the character which has become really hard. So may just...
by leonvr
Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:59 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: The Dark Double - chapter 1
Replies: 0
Views: 4538

The Dark Double - chapter 1

Mikael – The dance of life begins Chapter 1 To unite a divided land you will at first need a scapegoat. Find the weakest sect or race it matters not which and blame them for all your lands evils. Incite the masses, ignite their passions and drum up their irrational fury. Add a few paraphernalia; a s...
by leonvr
Sun Apr 03, 2011 3:57 am
Forum: SF/F Short Stories and Novel Excerpts
Topic: The Dark Double - prologue REVISED
Replies: 5
Views: 7481

The Dark Double - prologue REVISED

The Dark Double Prologue The easiest way to defeat your enemy is to befriend him; lead him into battle holding his hand. Make your enemies his. Make your victories his. Manipulate his ideas. Let him believe he rules by divine right. Then when he is in your prison he will think it paradise. Now you c...