Rise of the Spear — Raid Scene

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Floridian Dream
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Rise of the Spear — Raid Scene

Post by Floridian Dream »

Hey everyone! I know it's been years since I've touched here, but I've been working on this pilot story for a series called Kalea the Spear, which focusses on the adventures of a cave-woman battling against the encroaching forces of advanced pre-human civilizations in an ice age timeframe. This first story is called Rise of the Spear, which which shows Kalea's beginning as a young cave girl orphaned from her tribe after an invasion of armored, sword-wielding, furry, Sasquatch-men, and I've kinda gotten stuck on this one sequence in which this invasion occurs, and I'm not quite sure how to continue it. Here's what I've got so far:
The two sisters Kalea and Maia had slept soundly through it all until a low rumbling slowly crescendoed into a cacophony of yells and roars coupled with crashing sounds as though wood were splintering, slowly rousing them and their mother from their sleep, but no sooner had the walls of their hut caved in as a beastly head burst through with a loud crash coupled with an uncouth bellow than they snapped into full wakefulness.

Tala quickly pulled her daughters to her as she rolled aside as a massive, furry juggernaut trampled its way through the ruining hut, causing the animal fur canvas to drape over them. They then felt themselves being dragged harshly along the ground in the fallen canvas they were now wrapped in almost immediately afterwards. Still clutching her daughters tightly to her breast, Tala flailed and struggled to free herself and her daughters from their ensnarement.

The canvas must have snagged onto something or, more likely, someone had cut it, for no sooner could a sharp whistling sound coupled with a sound of tearing be heard than the canvas Tala and her daughters were ensnared in suddenly fell limp, making it much easier for Tala to find the way out — this, of course, was an action she quickly came to half regret, for she and her daughters soon found themselves confronted by a horrific sight their darkest nightmares could not prepare them for.

A great, shaggy beast like a furry rhinoceros, its face adorned with two horns, the longest one in the front from which the rest of the hut’s canvas was still impaled on, and a second torso seemed to sprout from the middle of the beast’s back that was plated with what couldn’t be likened to aught other than shining, shimmering stones, topped with a pair of furry arms, one terminating in what otherwise resembled a human hand, the other in what resembled an unusually long spearhead, and a head that bore some familiarities to that of a man’s yet held heavy elements of bestiality with its flattened nose, large fangs, and preternatural furriness.
I'm not quite sure how to continue it from here. Is the mother Tala soon slain by the Sasquatch-man? If so, how do the sisters Kalea and Maia get separated? Bear in mind, I want to leave Maia's fate open-ended. If not, does Tala briefly escape somewhere and hide her two daughters somewhere from the invaders before she herself is taken? What becomes of Kalea and Maia then?

If anyone could offer some ideas or suggestions as to how I can further this, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

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Re: Rise of the Spear — Raid Scene

Post by Bmat »

Perhaps the mother heroically rushes the beast in order to distract it while the daughters escape. I would be sad for the mother to die, but it is your story.
Or the mother throws a rock or other item to distract the beast and they all run away.

A couple suggestions: It seems odd that they were only slowly aroused from their sleep when what seems as eminent danger is approaching. Perhaps they could waken suddenly and snap into defensive positions.
An uncouth bellow?

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