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silent soul

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:19 pm
by aldan
a teen steps softly
walking out of doors
looking out for somebody
who also hates the floors
of buildings built by men
but air is soft and still
no car has gone by in
the time it took to chill
his fingers to the bone
that show up not at all
to eyes of man alone
who saunters by a wall
that blocks out the soft sound
of a club called 'underground'

Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 5:36 pm
by Believer
This is a good poem, but for some reason, It was harder reading this one then your other poems. It may be because the lines run into each others so start one line in the previous if that makes any sence

Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:28 pm
by aldan
It does indeed, and I was expecting that sort of a response, because of the way I wrote it. See, I couldn't simply break up the poem into stanzas because the lines from one stanza go directly into the next one, and so it's almost as if the whole poem's just one long stanza, even though the rhyming does sort of break it into stanzas, if you will. It was a sort of new trick to try for me, giving the poem a discomfortable read by way of that, while still maintaining the rhyme and rhythm.

Posted: Mon Mar 12, 2007 5:18 pm
by Believer
ahhh, I see, I think i understand now. I did like it however